Aisling Bea is a cunt, isn’t she?

As Irish as the potato famine and the car-bomb, I nominate this whiny-voiced, vinegar-faced banshee who’s famous for….erm…well, being on tv panel shows. What she lacks in the looks category, she doesn’t make up for in the accent department. Her strangulated, Irish vowels have the whiff of stale colcannon about them, no doubt the same odour as her unwashed quim.

Her idea of comedy is saying her pre-written “joke” to the host then turning to the audience at the punch line and gurning or saying, “ERRRM while rolling her eyes. Either that or saying, “Aye, dat’s grand.” Hilarious. Psh.

Isn’t it odd that these thin-lipped, caustic comediennes always drop in to their monologues about not having a boyfriend. Hmm, the answer might be more obvious than you think, toots: Shampoo. Oh, the irony. You won’t go out with an ugly bloke, but without your endless make-up you RESMBLE an ugly bloke.

For those unfamiliar with this giant of comedy, allow me to paint a picture: Imagine discovering you’d run out of bog paper after a squirty, gooey dump sponsored by curry, ale and a gallon of potent Shiraz; that’s about how funny this “comedic” “actress” is.

As a sort of weird, in-joke, Bea was the star of her own tv show (This Way Up) recently where, bizarrely, she played a teacher, helping Dooshka-Dooshkas to speak English correctly. Oh, dee oirony! If I can’t understand this witch’s garbled rants, how the fuck can a non-native unpick her mangled diction? Surely the main reason this gnarly-faced sourcunt came over to Blighty was to improve her English, yet now we’re asked to believe she can tutor foreigners! The episode I saw was littered with immigration and racism references, as well constant allusions to Brexit (said with a moan and an eye-roll). It’s like ‘Mind Your Language’ without the nuance, characters, and comedy.

She’s the least likeable Irish bint since Sinead O’Connor snarled her one hit. Bea must realise that she’s invited onto panel shows for token reasons (woman, Oirish) not humour reasons. Consequently she’s just another hackneyed, unfunny, anti-British clone needlessly shat out by Channel 4.

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous