English people who say this are cunts.
I swear you can’t go in to a coffee shop now without hearing some cunt say, “Can I GET a skinny latte”? What happened to “Can I have a coffee, please”?
This is England, you cunts. Stop this pretentious bollocks please, as it boils my piss every time I hear it. It doesn’t make you sound cool or trendy, it just makes you sound like a cunt. Fair play if you live in the Big Apple or you’re in ‘Friends’, but unfortunately you’re not.
You’re just some fat cunt in a shit coffee shop in the UK.
Nominated by Cunty mcfuckwit
I prefer ‘gis a cuppa tea’ said in the manner of Lionel Jeffries.
It’s hipster-speak i cant stand.
‘Sssooo, can i get a skinny mochacino shake?’
No. You can get fucked, me ol’ son.
24
I was totally flabbergasted to find out that McDonalds’s stopped doing their raspberry Ripple ice shakes this month.
So now i have to go to fucking certain coffee shops to get a cold ice drink at nearly a fiver a pop.
Robbing fucking bastards.
4
What a pot of tea &some nice fairy cakes u mean.i know what film u mean lol !sauer kraut
3
Never go in a coffee shop.
Firstly I only want a cup of coffee.
Secondly I ain’t paying more than a quid for a cup of coffee.
Cunt shops not coffee shops.
23
What’s that advert where he says “I’ve paid more for a cup of coffee”? Anybody who pays £2 for a coffee has more money than sense. And any English person who has to use Americanisms in an effort to impress is a pathetically inadequate cunt.
23
Fuck all coffee shops. Out here the 7-Elevens sell coffee for one dollar. Their shops are often attached to service stations so I sometimes buy one when I fill up with petrol. The coffee is made on a self-service machine so there is no need to speak with a barista sporting a man bun or a Che Guevara tee shirt (murderous cunt). Beans are ground each time a coffee is made and the machine also spoofs out frothy milk. Another bonus is that if I run the cycle twice and choose espresso the second time I “can get” a double shot in my standard size (paper, unfortunately) cup. There are larger sizes for cunts. The foreigner behind the till at my local servo has never asked me for two dollars.
5
Arrrgghhhh I forking cannot stand the “can I get…?”
It makes my water boil hotter than a kettle!!!
18
The same that have those massive drinks and popcorn in the cinema maybe.
13
If “Ho, menial, a coffee.” was good enough for Addison, it’s good enough for me. No need to specify, “tarry, full of grounds and kept on the hob all morning”, either. That was all that was on offer in his time. The craic was considerably better than a Costa, too…
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/destinations/europe/united-kingdom/england/london/articles/London-cafes-the-surprising-history-of-Londons-lost-coffeehouses/
Skinny fucking latte indeed. Cunts.
6
A happy recent memory was going into a sports centre cafe and being told that the “machine” wasn’t working and would I mind an instant coffee? Fucking hallelujah – yes, I fucking would.
9
Can i get a trendy hipster,dude and then proceed to kick him in the bollocks?
15
I think only if they do that nu-male soy boy smile. I forking hate that.
7
Half a bottle of Bollinger sets you up for the day much better than a cunting cup of coffee.
15
Jolly well said.
5
Is that ‘to go?’ Cunts
11
I’ve heard educated, professional people using these expressions. Can I get, take out, to go, it impacted me, on the weekend.
FUCKWITS!
8
It would be useless to reach out to you. You got some awesome issues. Chillax, bro. Etc.
1
The Spaniards put brandy in their coffee.
I bet Costa and Starfucks don’t.
The cunts.
10
My father-in-law was a shipyard worker in Scotland. Shipyard tea was his very own rocket fuel. Tea boiled and boiled with sugar until it was like tar, then a good tot of whiskey.
10
Its the only way to drink tea. In the Navy we called it a “Chief stokers brew” – mashed and stewed to the point the spoon can stand straight in the middle of the full pint pot. My quip when asked how I like my tea – like my women, strong white with two.
7
I go to a well-established Viennese kaffeehaus in Cardiff – Wally’s, run by descendants of Herr Walter Solomon, one of the Viennese jews who was savvy enough in the twenties to see what was coming, and he set up a deli in Cardiff; later, a coffee shop. Just as in Vienna, if you want rum or brandy, they are licensed. Nice place, and it seems snopake-free. Alcohol in coffee is one of those things that makes life endurable; like music.
2
Fuck yes- I absolutely HATE those cunts who say “can I get”. What the fuck is wrong with you? It’s “please may I have”. Fucking arsehole Americanisation. CUNTS.
15
…or “Could I have…” which is the polite version so one needn’t say a ‘please.’
It’s almost as bad as the atrocious “aks” i.e. “Can I aks you a question?”
“No you can’t, you blithering cretin.”
8
On a slight tangent, what really drives me fucking insane in any fast food/food shop/cafe of modest pricing (say Nandos and below) are the motherfucking patrons who have an extremely long and complex requirement for their order.
A few Christmasses ago I was standing behind a choice axe-wound who declared a need for an almost precise quantity of milk in her white coffee and demanded to know the brand/type of sugar. This was in an Ipswich indepedent cafe, no less.
Similarly, any trip to KFC isn’t complete without some bootlipped shitcunt getting their order, then going back and harassing the minimum wage team member who is trying to serve the next cunt, about the precise quantity of dip, burger pickle and number of chips in their fucking meal.
Holy fucking dogshit, Jeff – this isn’t a custom-cooked order for a fucking wedding – it is a cheap fucking meal or coffee you dozy fucking shithead.
19
Spot on. I go to Burger King occasionally, have a double whopper, then to the pub round the corner for a couple of glasses of red.
Although I might try being an “allergy” cunt.
“That’ll be £6-49, please, when you’re ready.”
“Fuck off. I’m allergic to paying !”
4
“Can I get”
No Sir, that isn’t allowed, I have to GET, you may HAVE once I GET!
CUNT!
Breaking News, we have an extension until the end of Jan 20, another 3 billion in the EU bank, Kerching!
10
It won’t ever end. Long before BoJo tried to hoodwink us all, I realised that the repeated ‘failure’ to reach an agreement under May was simply mutual stalling and/or sabotage to the illusion of us leaving the European Union.
What makes me truly fucking sick in all this is how the cowardly, utter utter fucking knifeable shitcunt bastardfuck MPs are, in the main, stalling on a General Election – not only do we get kept in the EU under the falshood of ‘extended negotiations’, but we can’t even have a fucking say on how angry we are with the cunts keeping us in.
Healthcare, local government, social matters, transport, crime – these fucking useless cunts at Westminster need to get back to actually running the country and amending national policies rather than this 3+ year posturing on fucking Brexit.
I’m so fucking sick of the topic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
22
I am looking forward to the party activists knocking on my door, I think the most used expletive will be CUNT(S)
9
The Labour and Lib Dumb candidate’s that come knocking on my door will need the skin of a fucking elephant by the time I’ve finished with them.
9
“…The Labour and Lib Dumb candidate’s that come knocking on my door will need the skin of a fucking elephant…”
And a fucking cricket box if they rock up at chez Chops! Rare thing to see a Labour canvassing team doing the rounds these days. They know they’re in for a hiding at the polls.
3
I had the vision more of the wicker man scenario, nothing too good for these democracy denying cunts.
3
The Great Roy Chubby Brown said “I’m thinking about taking up a life of crime, but I can’t decide which political party to join”. That’s what the CUNTS will be hearing from me if they have the timerity to knock on the door of Cuntalot Castle.
6
If I had £100 for every time I had an extension, I’d be a very happy man, not to mention being very wealthy as well.
8
If Blunty Manor was the Withdrawal Agreement it would be made of solid gold.
6
I don’t normally pull out of anything. But, where money’s involved I’ll make an exception!
Morning LL.
5
Morning Blunty, my pending acquisition of Creampuff Manor concerning Ruff Tuffs Viking reparations is in the hands of Gladstone Brookes. I might flog off some of the grounds for a tasteful yet affordable estate of Wimpy homes or see Mr Fiddler about converting it to a grand hunting lodge and social club for his rugger chums.
9
Yes, I was wondering how that case was proceeding!
I suspected RTC’s silence was because it was sub judice.
5
Fuck off. You’ll both be hearing from my solicitors in the morning!
8
Breaking, breaking news. No Xmas dinner due to Brexit. Not enough Euro slaves to wrap bacon around sausages. Will it never end?
8
There must 1000’s of illegals looking for a little extra cash
6
Do or die Cuntstable, we’ll be out in 3 days, or Boris will be found dead in a ditch.
It’s a win-win situation – yippee!!
8
Oh wait a minute… now the EU has formally granted his request for an extension, he’ll soon be found dead in a ditch regardless of whether we leave on the 31st or not.
Promises, promises, promises…
7
I don’t reckon the illegals would touch a sausage, those cunts lift their arses 5 times a day.
0
This business of no pigs in blankets is just a Peaceful plot to spoil our Winter Festival.
They’re trying to steer us away from pork by supplying other types of bangers. 🧨
Frankly, I’ve no beef with that.
8
Sounds absolutely great mate! Does the biscuit break in half when you dunk it – snap??
5
Skinny latte’s ( whatever they are), Mocca Chocca Fapachinos and such like are all soy boy drinks. Any Starbucks or Cafe Nero is bound to be occupied by chattering, conceited, Soy Boy Libtards and Guardian reading Feminazis. I much prefer the good old fashioned transport cafe.
Fuck off.
14
When I go for sparks pm classes, I just ask the Costa concession (the coleg coffee shop) for a milky coffee. She understands, but then she’s my generation, not some silly little brainwashed toddler…
My Da used to love nicking the skin of the top off our milky coffees; I don’t somehow think that’s what snopakes mean by “skinny”, though…
2
The battle is already lost. I doubt if there is a single person under the age of 40 who doesn’t say “ movie” and I don’t know anybody who doesn’t say “uni” (that one’s from Oz tv ironically)
“Big it up” I hear from even the most educated of people and don’t get me started on “guy.” I used to take the piss out of these cunts but i’ve given up now.
10
Fred. I feel your pain and nominated “guy” a few weeks ago. Hopefully Admin will put it up on November 5th.
8
Almost every restaurant/shop etc – the smiling fucker comes up and calls us “guys”. “Hey guys” – just FUCK OFF. Call me sir or not at all. Fucking “guys” – cunts. Even worse is “bud”. Not only boils my piss, but super-heats it to the point I could run a steam turbine on it.
6
Agreed, Lord C. The cunt Davina McCall started using the term “GUYS” on BB a few years ago and I fucking hate it. I recently went to one of the top Indian restaurants in my city with Mrs Hunt and we were addressed by the waiter as “guys.” Food was superb but I won’t tolerate that cuntery so they got 1 star on Trip Advisor. Cunts.
6
I fall into the trap of saying uni – I did when I was there, and still do (and I’m 57…); of course, I could say…Varsity…
Man, Bro, and Dude really grip my solids.
3
The one benefit of going to a Papist school was that the Fenian nuns and Facisti/Ustache lay teachers insisted on proper English spelling and grammar always. Americanisms and American spelling were forbidden under the threat of violence. We had to be better than our state school contemporaries and as good as those from CofE, CofS schools.
8
There’s an entire miasma of theatrical fuckwittery that’s grown up around the whole coffee ‘experience’. The ‘can I get’ language is only part of it. Barista? My arse. You’re just another minimum wage Honours Graduate slave with a £60k student debt incurred in Environmental Studies (itself worthy of its very own cunting). Add in the usual upselling patter for some overpriced sarnies or biscuits and bang goes another tenner in the blink of an eye.
There used to be quite an amusing advert for Nescafé (or similar) in which the hostess of a dinner party disappears into the kitchen and makes a load of whooshing, hissing and phishing sounds worthy of a percolater whilst spooning out some granules from the jar. On the days when adverts had humour.
And you can shove your organic water up your arse too.
Footnote : the delicious Cherie Lunghi excepted
11
Anyone volunteer to put their tongue up Cherie Lunghi’s arsehole?
5
I nominate B&W cunt.
6
Seconded – and thirded.
3
B&W Cunt would rim Cherie Bliar…filthy fucker.
Raise your bowlers and pith helmets to one of the greatest !
4
The whole cawfee shop boom and the rituals associated with it I blame squarely on American cultural imperialism especially that shite “Friends” which had a profound effect on a whole generation of cunts. Also responsible for arseholes (or assholes) screeching “Oh my God” at even the mildest of surprises.
There’s a social science PhD in it for somebody, somewhere.
13
There’s probably already numerous university courses in Coffee Studies and Barista Science. There may as well be, considering the amount of graduates working in these dumps.
8
Cawfee in pubs……fucking ban it!
Cunts with plastic cups of cawfee on public transport……should be beaten to a pulp.
13
Can I get an extra dry, no foam skinny mocha chocco latte with goats milk..
No you fucking can not you total fucking bell end cunt.
13
No you cunt, this is a chemist’s.
5
This is another US lifestyle import. This is also why a lot of Americans are broke. $5 on the way to work. 100 bucks a month of a morning cuppa because once something catches on in the states it’s no longer a luxury, it’s a necessity.
From a US study last year.
“According to the study, people ages 25-34 spend on average $2,008 a year whereas the next closest age group, those 35-44, only spend $1,410.”
2 grand a year on coffee? Now i know not all Americans are so fucking stupid. But it does make you wonder, if you’re expecting a salary that allows you to spend 2k a year on coffee, you can’t be surprised when your job is shipped overseas.
I read an article about an ex con who came out of prison and began to rebuild his life. a major part of that was getting a job as a garbage man in New Your, his starting wage was $96,000 pa.
This is another reason for the fall of the West, greed and decadence and an expectation of spending 2k a year drinking fucking coffee.
You want cream with that Sir? I’ll have to take it out back to prepare.
7
I went to Noo Yawk last week and the septic tanks charged me ELEVEN QUID for a pint of Budweiser in Madison Square Garden, the cheeky cunts.
3
Christ that’s almost Manchester prices!
2
Even more annoying are the cunts who leave their fucking cars at petrol pumps while they make a fucking coffee in the shop.
Put petrol in, pay for and then fuck off to do whatever inane bullshit you are busy with. It used to be a few old bottles of oil and a headlight bulb on sale in these places, now you can do a fucking weekly shop if you want.
I wish them all a painful death from a slow terminal disease (including you if you do this)
14
I do this Spanky, and I’ll fuck off if you insist. But in my defence I do it in the wee small hours at approximately 03:00hrs. I am usually the only cunt around. Aside from the effnick behind the till.
I agree with your comment about the supermarket servos. Out here the shit they sell is well overpriced too.
1
I hate Coffee, makes me fart very loudly and without any control.
Just a normal Brew for me. Why do I keep seeing cunts walking around the street with paper litre cups of Coffee ? Usually dick heads wearing shorts over tights. Theirs something highly fashionable and pretentious about it .
8
Building site hut tea sorts the men from the soy boys I’ll tell ya. A sack of Red Label (catering grade) teabags delcately perfumed with accumulated brick dust, UHT milk (Satan’s jizz) or more usually Marvel (Satan’s solidified jizz) and then knock back the semi-lethal tannin with however much sugar you can be arsed to chip out of the now solidified block of Tate & lyle or sweep into the mug from the spillings on the worktop (after a close scrutinize for dead flies, self tappers, fag ash etc). I say ‘worktop’ when I mean ‘scaffold board between a stack of breeze blocks and when I say ‘mug’ I mean rinsed out(?) bean can/jam jar/hub cap/hard hat!
2
Can i get a coffee?
a coffee what you cunt?
You can get to fuck!
3
Spot on. I go to Burger King occasionally, have a double whopper, then to the pub round the corner for a couple of glasses of red.
Although I might try being an “allergy” cunt.
“That’ll be £6-49, please, when you’re ready.”
“Fuck off. I’m allergic to paying !”
2
“Can I get…”
Interrupt at this point with “Fucked ? Yes, you most certainly can”
3
Black coffee – Americano – no a black coffee you cunt
0
I love coffee but i get bad java jitters even after 2 medium size cups, mind you i make my coffee way too strong
Considering quitting the stuff but I gives me a nice morning log after a nice cuppa these coffee jitters tho aren’t that different from cocaine withdrawal you get the kicks an shakes just the same but obviously the coke is worse for you and more intense
1