Hold the front page please for a long overdue cunting of that most risible of newspapers The New European, edited by one Matt Kelly, 49 going on 17, who, with his beard and gaunt expression looks as though he spends his nights sleeping on a park bench, and turns his one pair of keks inside out once a week in the hope that the shit stains will rub off. Although the circulation has dwindled from 40,000 to 20,000 since its inception it is allowed to mither on spewing its pro EU lies and propaganda.

Just look at this dreadful puff-piece:-

https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/the-new-european-matt-kelly-brexit_uk_58dd52e0e4b0e6ac7093576d

No doubt Mangledbum, Grieve, Blair and co enjoy the prospect of wanking over each fresh new issue as it drops through the letterbox with the Guardian, but it seems to be a circle jerk for all pretentious wankers, who according to Kelly, send him photos of their pathetic selves reading his shitrag over a croissant and coffee, just to show “how European” they are.

Editor at large is that former porn writer turned piss artist, Alistair Campbell who “knows everybody from Clinton down” according to trendy Mr. Kelly (shouldn’t that be everyone from Clinton UP?)

This Canute paper is bankrolled by Archant, who own, and have closed, many local newspaper titles (no doubt in part to fund this wretched posers and poofters status symbol).

You usually find a few dog-eared copies in any and every W. H. Smith and Sainsburys every day of the week (Lord Sainsbury is another famous Anthony Blair arsecrawler, as well he might be, as Blair gave him a job as Science Minister, where he was able to put aside his conflict of interests, of course), because the fucking rag just doesn’t sell, except to a few snowflake pansies who like to show off in the coffee shop or the train. Still it must save Smiths and Sainsburys a few quid each week in toilet paper, which is about all it is good for.

I am sure our hardworking backbench MPs look forward to fifteen minutes in the bog with their New European and a jar of handcream to enjoy a good wank – probably the hardest thing they do that day. Motherfuckers!

Nominated by W C Boggs

I understand that some people are utterly immersed in their own retarded universes, but I strongly object to those peculiarities affecting my reality.
Allow me to present to you Thick Eyebrows for a cruel and excessive cunting.

There are clueless girls running round everywhere, it would seem, sporting this abomination, and thinking that it is actually making them look beautiful.
Unfortunately for them, the reality is that cunters like me end up staring at them in total astonishment and disbelief. This is making trips to the supermarket or the pub very difficult, as the law of averages usually presents one of the twats in the form of a cashier who thinks you looking at them means you would like a polite conversation.
WRONG. Totally fucking wrong!
Perhaps they are inspired by their manbag toting beardy homo boyfriends and also wish to look like a circus clown.
What a bunch of deluded fuckwitted cunts.

Nominated by Cuntflap

The Gang of Seven

So seven one time (if ever) Labour MPs have jacked in their memberships orf the PLP for reasons rather murky. Big press launch, lots orf spindoctors in attendance but little orf substance said, just a general venting orf spleen and bile. Old slap head ex-wunderkind Chaka Umunna floats to the top like the regulation turd he is. These are they:
Chuka Umunna, MP for Streatham and former shadow business secretary.
Luciana Berger, MP for Liverpool Wavertree and former shadow minister for mental health.
Gavin Shuker, MP for Luton South and former shadow international development minister.
Angela Smith, MP for Penistone and Stocksbridge and former shadow deputy leader of the House of Commons.
Chris Leslie, MP Nottingham East and former shadow chancellor.
Mike Gapes, MP for Ilford South and former chair of the foreign affairs select committee.
Ann Coffey, MP for Stockport and former parliamentary private secretary to Alistair Darling when he was chancellor of the exchequer.

Are they going to resign their seats? How dare you suggest that. No People’s Vote for them. They will honourably form an independent group within Parliament and vote accordingly ie against Brexit and against Semitism and anything proposed or endorsed by Corbyn. They promise and threaten a new alignment in politics. They have funding and other backers and naturally Blair is in there too.

Reminiscent orf the Gang orf Four split with Woy Jenkins + ect ect ect and who remembers that earth shaking episode? Well just the speech impediment (left your mark on history Woy boi). Remember the SDP? Precisely. Only Uncle Wanker Vince Cable who remains as the sole floater in the toilet bowl.

Why go nuclear at this precise moment? They despise Corbyn and Momentum more than they do the Tories. Destabilise Brexit naturally in the final weeks before Fuckxit. In mythology seven is the heroic number but does not apply to these bunch orf cunts.

Nominated by Sir Limply Stoke

Plastic Straw Guilt-trippers are cunts, aren’t they.

When did plastic straws become the supervillain? Why has this issue become the obsession of the meeja?

It’s there in every lazy journalist’s news list; it’s there in our miserably incompetent PM’s laser sights; it’s there in the ten-minute epilogue at the end of David Attenborough’s Nature programmes – a one-hour episode consisting of 50 wonderful minutes of Penguins arseing about, five minutes of ‘how it was filmed’ and then five minutes of what awful people we are for being Westerners.

Naturally it’s all OUR fault. The egregious West. Yes, yes, the film of the turtle was horrible and the floating pile of plastic is awful. However, isn’t this shifting the blame from huge corporations onto the ordinary pleb who is trying, attempting, endeavouring to be as environmental as possible? Instead of blaming the proles for Global Warming, what about banning plastic cup lids, Starfucks?

In a world reeling with people broadsiding democracy, acid being thrown at passers-by, murders by smock-wearing religious retards, the media prates about this. You can stab people while shouting Alläh Akbar but you can’t use a plastic straw!

This is a rapid-easy fix to the real problem of littering and is desperate, piss-poor journalism written by cunty, po-faced whelps.

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous

A peaceful but legal cunting, your Honours for this nasty piece of trash who is the “lawyer” for the family of the 19 year old whore and Jihadist fancier, Shamima Begum. Apparently the little trollop has now dropped her baby (a boy the poor little cunt) and is clearly working to rehabilitate the strumpet. “It’s a boy” says his recent twat:

Tweets by mohammedakunjee

How could any decent person have sympathy for this girl and her rancid family, even if being paid for legal services.

Nominated by W. C. Boggs