Marie-Claire Springham.
Who? I hear you ask.
The deluded London student that has wasted her time at university by using it to develop a machine that, when strapped to a man’s chest will cause him to produce milk in order to breastfeed the baby.
This is because at the moment some men (remarkably) are unable to share the job of breastfeeding.
I seem to remember feeding my children when they were babies, but I used what Marie-Claire must consider to be the disgusting male invention that is the ‘bottle’. I didn’t feel the urge to grow a pair of tits in order to help.
Even more bizarre is that ITV managed to find people of both sexes who agreed that this was a good idea.
(I only say both sexes, because I have forgotten how many there are supposed to be these days).
I wonder if the women who think that it’s a good idea would be as happy to strap a machine to their fannies which caused a cock to grow.
Go back to uni Marie, and find a cure for something that is a fucking problem instead of trying to create new ones.
Cunt.

Nominated by The Cunt of Monte Cristo

Emergency Services Abusers
Date: 09 Feb 2019. Time: c.20.00.
Mrs K and I have finished dinner and are enjoying coffee, when the door bell rings. ‘Who the fuck’s this?’ says I, grumpy at having my peace disturbed.
Opening the door, I’m confronted by a scruffy stranger clutching his chest, who mutters ‘could ya call an ambulance fast mate, think I’m havin’ a ‘eart ‘tack’. Now this didn’t somehow feel right, but I couldn’t just ignore things, so I dialed ‘999’ and explained the situation. ‘We’ll respond asap’ came the reply. ‘Meantime don’t let him into your house’. Glancing through the window, I saw that Sonny Jim had straightened up, and was lighting a fag……

Every year in Britain, thousands of people mis-use or abuse our wonderful emergency services. For instance, we’re all familiar with the likes of the imbecilic ‘Action Man’ cunts who go hiking in the Cairngorms in midwinter, get themselves in trouble, then expect others to come and bail them out. Then there are the low-life twats who start fires then ambush the responders.
Then at the other extreme, there are the fools who contact emergency services for the most facile, even ridiculous of reasons. Just for a bit of fun, guess which one of the examples below is true.

Calls to ‘999’: ‘my pizza delivery’s 45 mins. late’; ‘call me a taxi, I’ve no credit on my phone’; ‘what’s the temperature outside?’; ‘I can’t find my trousers’; ‘I need my Pot Noodle heated’; ‘I’m in McDonald’s and they’ve run out of chicken nuggets’; ‘the eggs in my fridge are cracked’.

Responses: woman with ‘traumatic injury’ actually wanted crew to go to pub to bring her son home for his tea; woman supposedly fallen, wanted a light bulb changed; man with ‘head injury’ had a ring stuck on his dick; police response to family ‘in distress’ found them ‘lost’ in a maze in a local park. **

…..and Sonny Jim? It turned out that he’s a Saturday regular; a door-knocking pisshead notorious for getting an ambulance out on a false pretense, because he wants a free ride home. And every time this shithouse pisses emergency responders about, some poor sod’s life could be draining away. What a cunt; he should be fucking prosecuted. In fact, what a bunch of cunts.

** They’re all true.

Nominated by Ron Knee

Cunting required for system abusing emergency services workers who use the blue lights when they want to finish their shift, in Cardiff  it is 5.00- 5.15 pm and we are listening to the usual blues and twos that you can set your watch by every day.
This cannot be coincidence it is a copper/ambulance/fire engine that knocks off at 5,30….

Noisy bastards keep me awake while im in work trying to sleep…

Nominated by fuglyucker

A severe cunting for two of the vilest pair of bastards who will ever grace these hallowed pages. Namely Andy Devine and John Wanoa. The second is a Kiwi cunt who believes he is the rightful King of England and is travelling to the UK to depose the Queen and claim back his throne on the 28th March at a large rally at the Palace of Westminster. The first is his UK acolyte who is supporting him. Obviously they are appealing to the gullible to support them with cash. I did describe their other bullshit, outrageous conspiracy spoutings in a nom that was rejected so am using softer language in the hope this gets through as these are dangerous loonies who make Spivey look positively sane. Just Google them and see what I mean. I bet Richard 1 knows about them already!

Nominated by Grumpy Old Cunt

I’d like to nominate scroungers.

All those who can work but won’t, and gloat about it. This not aimed at the genuinely disabled who are getting fucked over. Life is hard enough.
Doctors need to be in charge of benefits for the disabled. They can then work to a budget without companies like ATOS sending ill people to work to meet targets, and the shirkers will get found out, or sent to get help for their mild upsets and ‘mental disabilities’, rather than sit around their council flat, fishing for sympathy on social media.

I’ve known a few people like it and am no longer in contact with them, thank fuck.

Whether it’s someone on Jobseeker’s who hasn’t worked for years and eeks by on hand-outs from family and friends, a couple who ‘act the spastic’ at work capability assessments to continue their dubious claim, or trust fund wankers who get everything paid by mummy and daddy while they moonlight as a fashion blogger or web design consultant, or take yet another ‘gahp yah’, they all foster the same delusional sense of entitlement and dependence on hand-outs. Any sense of pride goes out the window and they have to mask their emptiness with conspicuous consumption, be it of junk food, LED screens or trips to the beauty parlour, or Spar for Pinot Grigio to ‘treat themselves’. Then they gloat about it all on social media, before feeling sorry for themselves a week later and begging friends for money or ‘they’ll end it all’. Boo hoo.

Worthless fucking cunts.

Nominated by Cuntamus Prime

The Proliferation of the Term ‘My Bad”.
Yes, we all know what this term means thanks to slebs and wannabe slebs on the telly and radio. Somehow talking like a primitive savage who doesn’t understand English has become “cool”. (another trash American term which pisses me off).
On the telly is one thing but when white , middle aged, middle class people start using it to my face I can’t help but say, “ Do what? What did you just say?” Needless to say they get very stroppy about it.
I’m terribly sorry but you are not a South Side Los Angeles gangsta and if you ever came within half a mile of that scum you would shit your pants and cry for your mummy.
Try and live in the real world for fuck’s sake. Nobody is impressed with phrases you have just heard on Netflix you tossers.

Nominated Freddie the Frog