I want to cunt camp and butch behaviour.

First off, I have no interest in people’s sexual preferences, any normal person should have far more important things to be occupying their mind.

But what really fucks me off is this ridiculous fake persona that many adopt, in the case of gay men its campness and gay women it’s being butch as fuck. I don’t see this as having anything to do with finding someone of the same sex physically attractive, it’s just a excuse for attention seeking dickheads to indulge their self obsession and draw as much attention to their deviation from the norm.

Why can’t a gay guy just act normal…..instead of all this repulsive mincing around, squealing like bitches and general excessive flamboyance? Why does that have to go hand in hand with homosexuality? Same goes for the typical dyke….fat, short hair, dressed like a bloke. What the fuck? You like women, fair dos. But why the hell does your femininity have to disappear along with it?

I know two gay people, one is a taxi driver, one a ground worker. Both are as normal as you could ever wish to meet, both simply reply when asked, that they enjoy fucking men. Other than that, you’d never have a fucking scooby that they were gay. Both are bloody sound lads to boot, and neither has this sad need to camp it up like most of their ilk.

In the case of both sexes, it’s completely warped and unnecessary behaviour…..fuck all to do with being a fudge packer or rug muncher.

The sooner the LGBTQ community eradicates this retarded behaviour, the less issues they’ll have to face. Although I kinda think they like the attention really.

So fuck off you tarts!

Nominated by The Ghost of Glauber Berti

I nominate fucking ‘Verified by Visa’ for a new cunting.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not against companies trying to cut down on cyber fraud. But the new system takes the fucking mick.

Up until a month ago after entering your billing address, HSBC would take you to a Visa page where it asks you for a password. No problem, do that all the time. Bit of a faff remembering all these passwords on the internet, but you know – it’s a necessary evil.

Then recently the fucking cunts want to start sending you authentication codes on SMS to your mobile, which you then have to enter on the website after you have entered all the other bullshit. I was absolutely gobsmacked!

This may seem like a nit-pick, but for some people this makes buying shit online a total, unworkable ballache. So we are simultaneously going towards a world where everything is done online, but at the same time making it even more difficult to buy things online. Well which one is it? As of now I still can’t fucking slide five pound notes into my wall socket.

So why is this a problem? Why does it deserve a cunting?

Well it all depends on where you live and what you do. If you a latte sipping, quinoa munching soy boy, then being outside of mobile reception BUT having access to the internet is not a common occurrence so this isn’t a massive problem. You know for sure the San Francisco-based visa exec who okayed this, hasn’t been without phone reception since he went to that gang-bang in the desert five years ago. So, like, what’s the big problem?

Well, for the rest of the human race, you know the ones who work for a living, it’s a major fucking problem. I will list some of the scenarios where you might now be unable to buy products and services online: Live or work in an area with poor reception, live or work in an area with intermittent reception, travel or work in countries without international roaming, operate in a country with shit infrastructure, or suffers from local telecom monopolies; work in an industry that operates offshore, such as energy, shipping, fishing, defence; work in secure environments that restrict mobile phones, such as security, defence, diplomatic or intelligence sector; work abroad for UK government agencies which do not allow you to use UK based phones OR LINK YOUR PERSONAL ONLINE ACCOUNTS TO LOCAL PHONES; operate in an area which uses sat phones, use multiple work phones, carry out cyber-security 101 by swapping phone numbers regularly, or just simply DON’T OWN A FUCKING MOBILE PHONE! In all the above scenarios, it is sorry out-of-fucking-luck from Visa.

My family live in Devon, as far from townies as we can possibly get these days. I have to walk upstairs to one of the windows, wave my phone around like it is a fucking lightsabre, and maybe I’ll get the message in time to make the payment.

Don’t talk to me about WiFi calling – it is such a fucking crapshoot whether a phone, OS, and network are going to work together. It has worked in the past, doesn’t work now and I don’t have the time or energy to work out why.

Most of my adult professional life has been in places without my UK phone because of security issues with GSM tracking. So you are now telling me that a British grunt scratching his balls in Kabul, Afghanistan, who wakes up on 13 Feb thinking oh shit! didn’t get my girlfriend a present for Valentine’s. He loads up the web browser, chooses something naff and cliche, perfect for a squaddy’s missus, only to find that he can’t buy it. Why is he being penalised for doing a man’s job?

Also, what happens if you are a highly-functioning alcoholic? Lose you phone on a night out in Bangkok brothel, stumble back to your hotel room, sleep through your 0900 flight, load up the lappie, try to book a new flight – fuck! I now have to get on a call queue to speak to some fucking chick in Bangladesh while trying to sort my shit out to get home before my wife works out where I am.

Phone numbers are not a fucking ID system. It is a just a number for routing calls. What next, the next phone number is yours for life, it is your fucking barcode, etched next to your rectum. Fucking cunts are just so desperate to get us a global user ID system to make their life easier, in the meantime willing to fuck over millions of people with a poorly thought compromise. Plus you just know they will be selective on this, buy from Amazon? No problem. Buy from a small independent retailer, oh! you’ll need to verify yourself. Fuckers.

Don’t get me started about how the world got into the situation where Visa and Mastercard basically run the global payment system. How did the government think – well we have printed money as a representation of value, but we’ll stop there and let some US corporations do the rest. We need a digital currency, so when Visa and Mastercard start turning the screws, we don’t have to just bend over and take it.

Fuck Visa and fuck their shit.

Nominated by Dick Malone

Surely someone has cunted Danny Rose?
He cant wait to see the back of football because of racism.

I know fuck all about the game except that it is infested with flash, arrogant, thick cunts like this fucker.

Upset by racism? Pack it in now then you over-indulged fucking wanker. Turn your back on however many £1000s a week you get for doing fuck all. Spare a thought for the black players of old who really had to put up with racism, and didn’t get paid such obscene amounts.

Get a proper job and see how you go on.

Utter, entitled cunt.

Nominated by Cuntstable Cuntbubble

I’m starting to think that water needs a cunting.

First of all, on its own it tastes like pish. In my experience, the only water worth drinking is shower water, first thing in the morning when feeling like death for some unknown reason wholly unconnected to last night’s overindulgence.

My main reason though is that whenever some poor bastard goes missing after a night out, a couple of days later they’re found in water. Rivers, lakes, ponds, you name it they’re there. Get rid of water and you get rid of the problem. Simples.

I would keep the English Channel, however.

Nominated by Betty Swollocks

Cultural Appropriation. The right-on cunts at the BBC are never slow to peddle their own ‘fake news’ when it suits, but when it also advances their diversity propaganda it gives them a special creamy orgasm over their skinny lattes. The above piece of unfettered, off-the-leash, cuntitude is typical of what licence payers suffer for their hard-earned, typical of what a cuntburden the BBC has become to us all.

So this abject shite not only suggests that white people should avoid sending emojis with brown hands and faces but they should not even reference black people in short video clips and memes, lest they commit ‘digital-blackface.’ You cannot make it up. Let’s be clear, the notion of cultural-appropriation has been cooked up to allegedly ‘protect’ so-called ‘cultural artefacts’ misappropriated by a white, mainstream culture. These artefacts, they say, should only be used by people of the culture from which they originate. Never mind sharing like rational, reasonable people. So white people using images of black people is dubious according to the BBC.

A little white kid getting her hair braided is totally out too. Not acceptable. That’s cultural appropriation apparently. Hair braids belong, as a cultural artefact, to black culture. As does wearing dangly earrings (err… I’ll let them scrap it out with the gypsies over that one). As does, we are now being told, sending a thumbs-up emoji showing a brown hand. White people should ‘think carefully’ before ‘appropriating’ any of these sacred cultural objects. Well , if they insist, I think I can just about live with that.

So when I see black people in a car I say, ‘wait a minute, white people invented cars, that’s cultural appropriation.’
When I see black people in an aircraft I now say, ‘white people invented aeroplanes, that’s cultural appropriation.
When I see a black person using any number of thousands of day to day goods and services invented by white people I think, ‘that’s cultural appropriation.’

And when I see a black person in hospital using an MRI machine I say, ‘hold on, white people invented MRI machines. Excuse me, but that’s a culturally-appropriated machine. Get out and go and hair-braid the fuck out of your cancer instead!

Nominated by Zippy