I nominate Spring, Summer and Autumn for a serious cunting.
Now don’t get me wrong, it’s not the actual seasons as years ago they were pleasant variances in the annual weather cycle…… Until a few years ago and getting WORSE, the advent of a multitude of “professional gardeners” who charge a fortune to walk around in noise-cancelling headphones while they noise up the local environment, every fucking minute of the fucking day going house to house with the fucking petrol mower droning on and on and on and on and on, a sound that penetrates every nook and cranny.
But FAR WORSE are those fucking cunt LEAF BLOWERS that said “gardener” spends an hour moving stuff from a to d to c and back to a, giving the illusion of doing something, while the incessant staccato vroom, vroooooom, VROOOOM from these acursed Satanic creations is even worse than the constant down of the fucking mower. USE A BROOM YOU CUNTS.
If there was ever a case for legalising Kalashnikovs, this is it, and the more affluent the area the worse it is, with often two or three of the cunts inflicting this sonic Chinese water torture on us.
There is no escape, and this is one time where the curse of profound deafness must become a blessing.
At the moment there is a pair of cunts going from house to house behind where I’m working, FOUR HOURS of this incessant droning is driving me fucking barmy that spoils every day, and this is only day one of the “gardening season”. Roll on December. CUNTS.

Nominated by Sheikh Anvakh

‘Rugby Australia and the New South Wales Rugby Union say they intend to terminate Israel Folau’s contract after a social media post by the full-back in which he said “hell awaits” gay people’.

What a bunch of virtuous cunts. Folau is a fine player who happens to be some form of Christian. He is entitled to his opinion, although perhaps unwise to air it publicly. There are undoubtedly many international players, particularly South African and the odd Muslim, who hold similar views. It has fuck all to do with rugby.
I hold no religious views but am getting more and more worried by right-on opinions overriding all else. This man is now denied his living by these cunts, and as a rugby fan, I am denied seeing a great player in action.
Whatever happened to true Okkers?

Nominated by Cuntstable Cuntbubble

I’d like to nominate the Rugby Australia for their treatment of Israel Folau and his views of gays. Had he been a member of the religion of peace and made these comments, would he have been sacked? Would he fuck.

Cunts

Nominated by McCunterson

Cunting for Pope Benedict, who has blamed the continual sex abuse scandals of the Catholic Church on the swinging 60s. I actually let out a good belly laugh at this….as it’s all you can do in the face of such idiocy and detachment from reality.

Nothing to do with hundreds of years of deviance and blissful ignorance from corrupt and morally bankrupt paedophiles and apologists…..but yeah a decade of free love is the real reason.

If ever there was a gift wrapped reason to despise religion, here it is. Utter scumcunts the lot of them

Nominated by The Ghost of Glauber Berti

This Scandinavian teenager has recently been given a huge amount of air time and press coverage, to talk about climate change.

She seems happy for the world economy to crash by 2025, and to initiate a general strike because it’s good. Her (and the media’s) angle on this is that she is young, and that adults simply do not understand the problems we are all facing.

At 16, what are her qualifications again to lecture on the subject? Thought not.

What utter bollocks.

Nominated by willie stroker

Greta Thunberg touted as ‘The Swedish Joan of Arc’. (Can’t wait to see that porno when it comes oit)

When Yours Truly first heard the little Swedish filly speechifying was reasonably taken with her command orf our Mother Tongue so let her have her head was me thought. Only a kid ect ect. Irrespective orf the world wide schools boycot she was leading and the bolloxs she was spouting, not a bad show.

Then discovered the ‘little girl’ was sweet sixteen and well past the age orf consent in Stoke circles. Indeed more than well past being a fully functioning woman when judged against the other fillies in me stable. Me poor old bugger orf a butler was crestfallen to hear it, being a very moral sort he refuses to have conjugals with any filly above the age orf sixteen. Boat race like a Cabbage Patch doll in me book and it will be a relief to have the old cunt take down all those photos in his bed room. We’ll leave his sheets as they are.

Ms Thunberg. Already erected a fine old complex orf monitising vehicles aroinde herself to handle the profit and non-profit side orf things, fees from her book, TV activities ect ect and to garner the oitcomes from her Nobel Peace Prize nomination ect ect. Would expect no less from the wealthy upper middle class daughter of an opera singer and a successful artist. Guardianista Heaven.

She has been diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome and Selective Mutism, conditions generally shared by sages, savants and other manipulative pains in the arse (Rasputin, Charles Manson ect) which allows her to talk conspiracy crapola compellingly and with overwhelming conviction. Needless the leaders orf the free world, Macron, Merkel, Trump, our own Hunchback and even Corbyn ect ect all fall over themselves to be pictured with the Swedish Joannie. Enjoy your time limited fame me dear. Me butler will wait for you.

Nominated by Sir Limply Stoke

What flying fuck is going on in the world???? Have we all gone stark staring fucking mad?!?

Some stupid little Swedish schoolgirl organises a school strike to get off school on Fridays citing fears over climate change as a nice convenient excuse and the next thing you know the cunt has been nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize (not quite the same gravitas since they gave one to the EU tho’) , met the sodding Pope and sat down in London with the heads of all the major political parties.

Now I’ve no truck for Treeza the Traitor, but at least she had the sense not to turn up.

There’s only one thing worse than a teenager and that’s a pumped up precocious know it all teenager. Why the fuck is anyone listening? Why would you want to? You havin’ a larf or what?

Beats me…

Nominated by Dioclese

Becoming a Wireless 4 favourite, threatening to become as long running and boring as The Listening Project and The Archers, is this 62 year old American *humourist* who is, of course, a member of The Gayness Tendency, and is currently mincing his way through his 7th series, in a camp. limp-wristed and fey voice before a simpering studio audience, who are no doubt there because it is “cool” to see an American pansy performing in a London garden. He sounds like a New England retired schoolmarm.

I could give you a link to this wildly unfunny show, but in doing so I would probably upset the BBCs sensibilities re copyright, instead I give a list of some of his “hilarious” sounding book titles:

Me talk pretty one day. 2000.
Dress your family in corduroy and denim. 2004.
Children Playing Before a Statue of Hercules (editor, 2005)
When You Are Engulfed in Flames (2008)
Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk: A Modest Bestiary (2010)
Let’s Explore Diabetes With Owls (April 2013)

I am sure all these books come with a free pair of rubber knickers in case the reader pisses him/herself.

This pretentious old queen has only really been in the public eye since 1994 and on Wireless 4 since 2010, so obviously quantity is more important than quality to this smug, self satisfied middle class bender, but you have to wonder, with so many hopeless unemployed comics of our own why the BBC find it necessary to import (probably at a very high price) cheap unskilled American labour. What a cunt the BBC are and what a cunt Sedaris is for taking money to recite stories – he and they sound as genuine as a dud halfpenny.

Nominated by W. C. Boggs