Tasnime Akunjee

Every now and then a cunt appears to try and outcunt all others and here he is.
The lawyer representing the murderous whore Shamima Begum claims in a letter to the home secretary that it is Britains fault that poor little Shamima went to join ISIS as we failed to protect her against grooming and trafficking by Islamic state.

Well I’m glad that’s cleared up then, lets all welcome the terrorist back with open arms.

Why, for fucks sake, do we even allow these anti British cunts a platform to come out with this bollocks. Any radicalisation of these fuckwits has come from their own pig shit community, and a better way forward would be to send them all to Syria.

Nominated by Duke of Cuntshire

I am defiantly going to cunt the “New Gins”

Gin has come back in fashion again; many many small “distilleries” have come to light and initially I welcomed the small business idea taking on the “Big Brands”.
That was until I visited a small independent one of many similar business models.
To give you a little understanding as a family, the Benny family has a good background in back room hooch, my mother (bless her soul) would ferment potatoes as base and using an adapted pressure cooker distill the wonderful stuff known as “Raziki” in Benghazi after the revolution.
I myself have travelled in eastern Europe where a back yard still is the norm. On my return to the UK, horrified by the massive mark up on a daily essential, I purchased a re-flux still and used to knock up 80% proof at £1 a litre (it’s slightly more complex than that, but this is a cunting and not school).
Any way visiting the “Distillery” I was rather shocked to find that they import their base spirit….exactly they do not ferment, have never made a wash, never filtered, cut or any of the normal things I would associate with distilling a decent drink!
Instead the talk was on “Botanicals”, putting flowers and other shit in someone else’s product, running it through a still, shoving it in a pretty bottle from Italy and saying “that will be £37 for 70cl please” .
Total wank I say, if you can make a cup of tea then you can distill like this, what total harridan bull shitters they are!
So “Novo Gin” is a cunt!

Nominated by Lord Benny

Compensation is a cunt.
A very angry cunting to the government for awarding Manchester bombing victim and mother, Lisa Roussos, only £5500 for her own injuries and the same for the death of her 8 year-old child, Saffie, in the same attack.

Compare that to the £1 million compensation we, as a nation, gave to terrorist Jamal al-Harith merely for his detention in Guantanamo bay in 2017. This cunt went on to further prove his peaceful credentials by blowing himself up in an ISIS suicide attack.

Fuck off to the spineless pandering government cunts who use their own people as terror fodder whilst rewarding our enemies. You disgust me, you cunts.

Nominated by Zippy

Trump protestors are a right bunch of cunts aren’t they?

The president of our closest ally and potentially biggest post Brexit trade partner comes to the UK on a state visit and these fuckers start throwing their toys out of the pram.

Corbyn refuses an invitation to a state banquet even though he’s prepared to sup with terrorists (hardly the behaviour we would expect of a future PM), Khan okays the use of that pathetic blimp. May refuses to let Trump invite Farage or Boris to the party.

And the worst of the lot? That stupid bitch Markle who can’t decide whether to be a royal or celeb, absents herself from her husband’s side because she’s a Democrat (sic), and campaigned for Kilary.

And to top it all we have two – yes, two – anti Trump movements preparing widespread demonstrations to bring London to a standstill. Apparently, they aim to show that the people of this country won’t tolerate Trump’s brand of hatred.

Well bollocks to the lot of them, lefty scum one and all, I’m one of the people of this country and you sure as fuck don’t speak for me,

Fuck off.

Nominated by Dioclese

1990s ‘One-Hit Wonders’ are absolute cunts.

Inspired by a mini-thread on a recent cunting, I quickly realised during that discussion just how much utter fucking detritus was passed off as ‘music’ in the decade which cunting forgot.

It is apparent how the roots of today’s manufactured dross, over-sampled sterile bollocks, synthetic musicianship and low-IQ lyrics can be traced back to the 1990s. What is worse is how many arseholes online (go to any YouTube video and the associated comments have to be read thrice to be believed) are wistfully recalling these ‘songs’ through the rose-cunted spectacles of nostalgia as ‘real music’. I guess that’s a pretty fucking damning indictment on today’s liquid shite.

Whilst there were a handful of decent 90s guitar bands on both sides of the pond – post-Cobain and post-Factory Records – Euro dance and childish puke stole the show, and the few credible artists standing were buried in its flow.

So, consider a smorgasbord of cunt-hit wonders for your troubled memories to feast upon, yer bastards:

Whigfield – Saturday Night
Eye-gougingly infuriating Euro-fuckery which DJs at the time played until the CD plastic warped, and ear-marked the mid-90s years as sheer aural hell.

Freak Power – Turn On, Tune In & Cop Out
One of many ‘90s OHW which owed thanks to publicised jeans and fashion brand adverts. The song itself wasn’t so much bad as badly overplayed. The accompanying advert from memory featured an Uma Thurman tranny lookalike fucking around in the back of a taxi, while the bald driver struggled to drive with a raging hard-on. Or something like that.

David Gray – Babylon
“But this wasn’t the 90s!l” Actually, it was. Wobbly-headed cunt Gray tried releasing this in 1999 but for once, the music-buying public turned up its collective nose at this tinpot troubadour’s ode to stalking unsuspecting women on the streets of London. For whatever reason though, it sold by the boatload upon the 2000 re-release and criminally raised Gray from his rightful place as shitheel busker to household name.

Babylon Zoo – Spaceman
I had, by miracle of miracles, managed to purge this shite from my memory until an esteemed cunter brought the hideous memory back to the fore. Another Levi’s adopted abomination, the original song was actually a droning, tortured indie-inspired bag of wank, sped up to dance tier beats-per-minute for the advert. I seem to recall the lead singer got pissed off at people loving the distorted version over the original, and through successive interview wankery, became, quite rightly, a figure of ridicule.

Cornershop – Brimful of Asha
Brimful of fucking sileage, more like. Some arsehole crooning about an Asian film star, with extra added Norman Cook bollocks, seemed to find its way to the top of the charts for what felt like an eternity. Was followed at no. 1 by another abomination, that fucking Run-DMC vs. Jason breakdancing goatfuck of a record.

Scatman John – I’m The Scatman
Thankfully released in a more innocent age when ‘scatting’ was recognised rap-talking jazz vocalisation, and not mere depravity pioneered by Japanese sickos, this stuttering old cunt managed to capture the imagination with his nonsensical, machine gun gibberish. Probably the one fucker on this list who I don’t begrudge getting some measure of fame due to his legit disability. Lived life to the full post-fame before eventually scatting himself to death.

The Doop Song
This genuine low-point of musical history was 100% cunt. Nothing more to be said before slamming the morgue door shut on this one.

Crash Test Dummies – Mmm
A song so fucking stupid and lyrically bereft that I actually feel my IQ reducing whenever I hear it.

OMC – How Bizarre
People from New Zealand should stick to fucking sheep and playing rugby. This ballad about three kiwis driving their Chevy into a literal orgy of circus clowns and news reporter should never have broken international quarantine. The lead singer is dead now, so there is at least some justice.

Deep Blue Something – Breakfast at Tiffany’s
Between this tawdry fucking effort and the truly never-ending Galaxy chocolate advert, the Audrey Hepburn classic film has been ruined permanently for me. I remember travelling back home from visiting relatives on a four-hour coach journey with a migraine, and then this shit came on the radio. Needless to say, I threw up.

As I write this nomination, I realise the list is truly endless. The 90s was the ultimate decade for every two-bob chancer to have 5 minutes in the spotlight. For once lads, I’ve cunted off far more than I can chew with this one.

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back