I would like to nominate Cunt Logic for a cunting.

“ Regular” Logic goes like this –

A = C therefore B = C.

Cunt Logic, on the other hand, expresses it thus –

A = C therefore B = Z.

To give some real life applications of Cunt Logic –

Trans athletes born male but identifying as female must compete against female athletes even though they have the biological advantages of a male. This is Cunt Logic.

If something appears on social media saying that someone is racist, homophobe, anti-trans or anti- wimmin it must be true. And the more “ likes” it gets, the truer it is. Cunt Logic.

Anyone who voted for Brexit is a narrow minded bigot but anyone who voted Remain is an enlightened, cosmopolitan paragon of virtue with a brain the size of a planet.

Cunt Logic is no joke. It’s ravaged our universities so that they are no longer the habitation of the wise, civilised, learned or intelligent but rather the habitation of morons, cretins and cunts. It has similarly ravaged public service broadcasting and our public institutions.

Without doubt Cunt Logic, if it continues to go unchallenged, will lead to the demise of western civilisation within a generation.

Fuck off.

Nominated by Marvellous Mechanical Cunting Machine

A cunting from The Force for the ultimate fanboy sci-fi behemoth, Star Wars.

Despite my username, I have never actually sat through a full episode of any of the Star Wars films. There’s this whole impenetrable fanfare wankery over Star Wars which largely puts me off; akin to a religion or a fucking cult. With the exception of the equally embarrassing followers of Star Trek, no film franchise exists with such inane, obsessive cunts as Star Wars.

The greed of Disney and George Lucas before them must not go unmentioned. The fans will lap up any Star Wars trinket, rarity or other cheap shite and Lucas/Disney know they have an infinite well of gullible fucking punters who will spend money hand over fist on this turgid, played out bollocks.

And now for the main course – the politicisation of the recent films. Even for the rare disinterested cunt like me, the furore over the agenda-driven last film in the franchise was impossible to ignore. The returning old cast male members were truly emasculated and watered down, while Teh Wimminz were out there, kicking arse and taking names. This whole concept of badass women in films makes me truly fucking laugh because perhaps 1 in 10,000 of them won’t scream like a fucking banshee if they see a spider in the bathroom.

I hate Star Wars, and now with added SJW flavour, the films are about as appealing to me as cold vomit. Fuck off Luke, and may The Cunt be with you.

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back

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Theresa’s legacy

Apparently the wicked witch of Downing Street wants to piss 29 billion quid of OUR money up the wall to secure her legacy. Hammond has threatened to resign over the issue . Staggeringly I find myself agreeing with the cunt!

Get it through your head Treeza – your legacy is that you are the one who failed to deliver Brexit, destroyed the Tory Party and are the only person ever to win three Cunt of the Year awards in a single year.

So just pack your bags and fuck off, there’s a good girl…

Nominated by Dioclese

The female orgasm…

This isn’t an invitation for all the wannabe Lotharios on is-a-c to start telling me about how I need to get more ‘experience’ or grow a bigger cock. Those things I am well aware of.

Some background—I am a 30 something guy, shockingly average sized penis but nonetheless pushing into triple digits on the lady-front. Some asians, some latinos, posh brits, chavs, some wannabee models and more than a few land-whales—a solid equal opportunities mix. Don’t pay for it, except that Filipino in Hong Kong who tricked me with a game of Connect Four, but that’s another story.

I would be the first to admit that my technique could be improved—I would never be so arrogant, a man can always work on his game. But I have experienced enough screamers and enough stiffs to realise that, unlike the glib comments by the fat slags on daytime TV, it isn’t men who are the problem—some women are just unbelievably difficult to get even the slightest murmur out of in the bedroom.

Yes I get it, every women is different. But it is the sheer lack of consistency that pisses me off. It’s like taking a nice shiny car for a test drive—it looks good from the outside, but jumping behind the wheel you find the pedals swapped, the gears in reverse and the sound system glued on Radio 4. The Ford Fiesta you had the other day was screaming her head off, but this Renault won’t get out of second gear. Why? Why am I spending my precious evenings learning a new set of controls like I am in trying a new Cessna in Microsoft Flight Simulator, or just doubling up my gym routine on some unresponsive tart—I could be doing better things, like reading or washing the dishes. I guess it comes to a point in a man’s life when bad sex just isn’t worth it anymore.

Thankfully I am getting to the age when some of these bints have the courtesy to say ‘I’m sorry but i don’t think I can cum tonight’. Thank god! It’s the equivalent of the engine warning light coming on. No need to fiddle with it anymore, finish off what you are doing, grab a beer, leave it alone until further notice, maybe have another go in the morning (their brain is less self-loathing at this point) and plan your escape to greener pastures.

We all know it is in their heads. All this chat of ‘knowing how to use it’, girth, blah blah…. It’s all just cover for the fact a shockingly high proportion of women cannot get into the right headspace to enjoy sex until you make them feel comfortable, like they are some fucking puppy moving into a new home or something. This is not going to happen—I mean, what a ludicrous investment proposition! Keep fucking me and maybe, maybe, I might enjoy it eventually. Or parachute out of that clunge and go hunting for a less damaged specimen. Easy choice in my book.

If this was men cruising around the dancefloor not sure whether they had the right mental fortitude to maintain even the limpest erection then I think we would all agree that that person was wasting their fucking time. It is just plain manners after all. I don’t pretend to know how to salsa dance so I don’t seduce women with the promise of my salsa repertoire—that would be false advertising. Why do women seem to get a free fucking pass when it comes to the bedroom? (don’t get me started about padded bras, how is that allowed in this day?)

So women of the world—sort your headspace out, find out what gets you off, produce an instruction manual, pass it to me while I am fingering you in the taxi home, and stop wasting men’s precious time with mediocre sex. Cunts.

Nominated by Dick Malone

This cunt should be banned from parliament. I wonder if anything he says is truthful. His most recent verbal bollocks was a comment he made regarding his flip flop to the Lib Dems, “This is the party I’ll be a member of, until the day I die”. Fuck off Chuka, how many times have you said that before? I bet you said that upon joining the Labour party. Let’s not forget this is the third party you’ve been a member of this year, a hooker has more commitment than you.

He also said that the lib dums gave him “A warm welcome” (£££) I bet they did you greedy little attention seeker. His constituents, because let’s not forget somehow this clown is an MP, in Streatham won’t know what the fuck this prick stands for anymore, I mean how are they supposed to hold him accountable when they don’t even know which party and manifesto he stands for. Democracy in this country has become a joke, it’s like the football manager merry go round, you can be utterly fucking useless in one position, so jump ship and start the whole process off again and be an utter shithouse somewhere else.

I hope this bastard gets his comeuppance come the next local elections. Cunt.

Nominated by elboobio