Gift cards or more accurately, ‘shop restricted money with a use by date’ aka Cunt Money.

Bought for children by cretinous old relatives who’d rather spend a tenner on something the little mites can only spend in certain shops, can’t get change from and go out of date just before you find them under the sofa.

“Granny, she’s 10 for fucks sake, save yourself the bother. Just put the £10 straight in the envelope and she’ll love you to bits”. Kids like money, it makes them feel grown up and when they’ve blown it on shit and got nothing to show for it,  it teaches them a life lesson. But no, It’s a £10 Claire’s voucher for shit, over priced plastic crap, that she’ll never redeem! Smart move!

I’ve just found a PlayStation £10 gift card that my Son got for his birthday in February. He doesn’t even own a fucking PlayStation and what the fuck can you buy from Sony for £10?

Nominated by Blimpo

Xavier Parkins must be nominated. This is the teenager who decided to go to the school prom dressed in drag. He wore a short pink strapless dress that he designed with the help of a dressmaker. He wore matching heels and did his own hair and nails ready for the big night at Pride Park stadium in Derby. He was such a hit that he was voted Prom Queen by fellow pupils at Lees Brook Community School.
Proud mum Sharnee, (cuntish name) said: ‘I’m totally humbled, I can’t imagine where you get the courage at the age of 15 to do that, it is so brave. Xav was hoping to get the Best Dressed award because it isn’t gender-biased, but he did say he’d love to get Prom Queen. It was his peers who voted for him which is an accolade because it takes a lot of courage for them to come out and support it as well.’
Sharnee added that Xavier’s brothers (cuntishly named Orlando and Ziggy) are ‘so proud’ and her eldest son texted Xavier on the day of his prom to say ‘I love you’. She said: ‘I always say to him, if you’re happy at home you can cope with anything. ‘Dressing up is a leisure activity for him. With it being Pride month as well it’s even more poignant, if it can help one person who is struggling with their sexuality.He wants to be a Drag Queen but he’s very academic too so he could do anything. He’s got a very wise head on his shoulders.’

‘Xav’ was obviously so proud of his outfit and identity that he travelled to the event on a private bus, not on public transport.
Saw him and his smug mother interviewed on Sky News this morning. Sarah Jane (it’s all about) MEEEEE was almost gushing in her knickers during the interview, where ‘Xav’ was proud of what he did because, ‘I’m kinda like fed up with just wearing a school uniform and I’m kinda like expressing my identity and I’m kinda like a smug up-myself little twerp.’
After this nauseating few minutes, SJ Meeeee carried on gushing along the lines of ‘what an inspiring story, should help others come to terms with their identity and sexuality etc..’ or some such cuntery.
I expect he’ll either become very rich as a social media ‘influencer’, or join some new Channel 4 or BBC deviants’ show. Or, hopefully, he’ll soon disappear into well deserved oblivion.
What this nation has become….

Nominated by Mystic Maven

So HMG has considered the UK’s sovereign rights in the light orf a bunch orf wogs in bum boats hi-jacking two tankers in the Gulf of Hormuz, neither orf which being actually British owned or British crewed so should not show up orn our radar other than as something to keep an eye on.

Instead Hunt the Cunt has chosen to go nuclear, or as nuclear as HMG is able to go with its ancient ordnance stuck together with parcel tape. (Update, our US ally Trump has now sold us Duck Tape to replace it)

Cobra Committee has met, all stakeholders in poor Blighty’s defence consulted, options weighed and lethal response delivered. Iran has been informed orf our “Extreme Disappointment”. Whoops dearie, that’s sure to have got the Iranian sweethearts Afterdinnerjad and Rouhani cacking their drawers.

Sublime lunacy orf it all is that it has nothing to do with Blighty yet Hunt the Cunt is the one to stick his nose over the parapet and take all the flak.

Cunters will recall that HMG seized an oil tanker carrying Iranian oil “to Syria” and took it to Gibralter on behalf orf and inline with the EU’s sanctions policy and much to the alarm orf the doughty Rock – no-one had actually consulted them. Result, not unsurprisingly, one stirred up nest orf wogs thirsting for revenge and Gib denying all knowledge. Naturally the EU keep dead stumm as its foreign policy is actually enacted and by a member that is aboit to fuck orf (allow a dribbling old man his dreams). What the fuck is that all aboit?

Thus the inevitable happens and poor old Blighty is caught with its draws doine (no fucking ships parolling the Gulf for Chrissake) and HMG is made to look a pack orf prize pillocks in a very ticklish situation and with resonsibility now for two tankers and their crews, none orf which are British. On top of that Iran has now got a weak whipping boy (us) to humiliate in place orf the Big Bully (Trump). Despite all this the BBC still thunders on about what a superb diplomatic service we have. Sid James and Kenneth Williams would have done a better job.

Carry On Cunt.

Admin – if you find a photo of a disappointed camel that might do nicely.

Nominated by Sir Limply Stoke

I would like to nominate Just Eat and Deliveroo and the cunts who use them.

I prefer to actually visit a takeaway before I eat food from there, but a lot of the unwashed don’t seem to be able to muster the effort needed to put on something other than a tracksuit and bbq sauce-stained t shirt and waddle along their high street to a physical location to order food.

In a way it givens me a great sense of schadenfreude to know that certain idle benefit scroungers I’ve known use Deliveroo and regularly tuck into mouse shit, saliva, snot, dust and crud because they are too fucking idle to cook or walk to the kebab shop.

I hope they get an exotic parasite that is usually found in macaques that hang around ditch water, cunts.

Fuck me you were on the sauce when you wrote that.

Nominated by Cuntamus Prime

I work in an office of around 12 people of all ages, genders and personalities. But being in a relatively confined space you cannot help but people-watch, and by Christ are there some irritating cunts in my office – the same kind of cunts that probably populate most offices (and factory floors come to that), across the length and breadth of the country.

You get the two-faced cunts, who become “matey” with you only to drill information about your private life so that they can fly back to their little hive across the room and gossip to their pals.

Then there’s the loud-mouth cunt, either over the phone/mobile, or shouts across the fucking office, even if other people are trying to have phone conversations with customers.

Then there’s the sick-note cunt. Always rings in with a cold on a Monday; and then moans when his/her backlog is piled up and complains that no one is helping out.

Then there’s the footie cunts – come Monday or Thursday, they’re at it for a good hour talking about “last night’s game” which was shit anyway.

Close on their heels are the soap/reality cunts – every day is the same; they twitter and bitch about so and so even though they’re supposed to be fucking working.

Then you have the young cunts that can’t stay off their phones; and moan when they find social media is blocked from their company computers.

Lunchtime cunts, who bring their smelly food into the office and stink the place out.

Window cunts – who open the only window in the office because they’re warm, even though people nearest the window might not be; and also end up with all their paperwork blowing around the office due to a breeze blowing in.

There’s probably a few more cunts, but I really can’t be bothered. Needless to say I hate working in offices!

Nominated by Technocunt