At what point did a kids 4th birthday party change from being a small gathering of elderly relatives and some jelly, to a hall with disco, magician and three dozen of the little fuckers?
The missus normally takes our lad (seemingly weekly) to these fuckers, but I had to go this week. The party must have cost £500…for a fucking 4yr old!
Then you have to sit for two or three hours with parents you don’t know and pretend to be friendly with. Plus, there are no yummy mummies to ogle as they all seem to have let themselves go after having a brat. A 4yr old needs jelly, blancmange, shit toy and a couple of mates to kick the crap out of.

He does not need a disco and a fucking wizard.

Nominated by Cuntakinty

Donald Tusk – again.

Why the fuck is this prolapsed haemorrhoid at G7 ? I don’t have any answer, other than that he is an interfering little twerp; a shite stain of the first order.

Fuck and damn the bloody EU! We need a composer like Richard Wagner to write the soundtrack for this seemingly never-ending, Shite opera.

I am sure there was a despicable, evil goblin in The Ring…Alberich?

Tusk is certainly a ringpiece. Merkel is probably Grimhilde.

Nominated by HBelindaHubbard

An urgent nomination for Danny Polaris, who injected an erection enhancing drug into his todger before having sex. It has left him with an erection for the past two weeks.

He has been told that he may have to have his penis amputated and describes using the drug as “one of the worst decisions” of his life. Initially Polaris didn’t seek medical help. He went to Berlin Pride the following day with a wine cooler around his penis. Polaris had met a nurse on a night out, and when he was keen to inject the drug into his penis, Polaris was happy to oblige, assuming the nurse knew what he was doing. It turns out the cocktail of the drug called Alprostadil, the Viagra he’d taken earlier in the night and his HIV medication was a potentially deadly mix.

His friends have set up a GoFundMe page to raise money for things to “make Danny more comfortable”. His friends explain the money will go on things like: “A mobile phone (he had his basic Nokia phone stolen), drinks, snacks and alternative therapies like reiki and acupuncture to aid healing and for travel costs and passport renewal costs for his parents in case they need to come to Berlin to help him when he leaves hospital.”

He decided to make his story public in the hope of raising awareness and warn others of the dangers of taking unprescribed enhancers.
Yet another Darwin award contender. Cunt.

Nominated by Mystic Maven

I have yet to see a happy, healthy looking runner.

Pounding the living shit out of their lower joints, sweating like a bag of steaming piss, demonically red face like a smacked arse. Where’s the pleasure in this bizarre self-flagellation? Certainly not evident on their contorted features and their wobbly fat bodies are far from testament to the efficacy of their choice of health regime.

Most of these cunts will need new hips or knees (on the beleaguered NHS of course) before they’re done, as the overwhelming burden of conveying their corpulent carcasses along the carriageways of this country takes its inevitable toll. I walk my dog, at least twice a day, 20 minutes each time. Walk, mind – not run.

I’m fit and look happy, unlike any runner / jogger I see – Am I missing something here?

Nominated by Cunt Reviled

A nomination for the most recent Darwin Awards contender, Jamie Bisceglia, who decided to pose for a photo with an octopus attached to her stupid face, only for the creature to sink its sharp beak into her.

The animal, believed to be a Pacific red octopus, began by attaching its suckers to Bisceglia’s face, before sinking its sharp beak in. The idiot then waited two days before seeking medical attention (her that is, not the poor octopus).Bisceglia now realises that few will sympathise with her injuries, and that what she did was a mistake. The idiot also says she will never try and pose for a photo with an octopus again.

It’s certainly true, once bitten, twice shy. Cunt.

Nominated by Mystic Maven