I have yet to see a happy, healthy looking runner.

Pounding the living shit out of their lower joints, sweating like a bag of steaming piss, demonically red face like a smacked arse. Where’s the pleasure in this bizarre self-flagellation? Certainly not evident on their contorted features and their wobbly fat bodies are far from testament to the efficacy of their choice of health regime.

Most of these cunts will need new hips or knees (on the beleaguered NHS of course) before they’re done, as the overwhelming burden of conveying their corpulent carcasses along the carriageways of this country takes its inevitable toll. I walk my dog, at least twice a day, 20 minutes each time. Walk, mind – not run.

I’m fit and look happy, unlike any runner / jogger I see – Am I missing something here?

Nominated by Cunt Reviled

A nomination for the most recent Darwin Awards contender, Jamie Bisceglia, who decided to pose for a photo with an octopus attached to her stupid face, only for the creature to sink its sharp beak into her.

The animal, believed to be a Pacific red octopus, began by attaching its suckers to Bisceglia’s face, before sinking its sharp beak in. The idiot then waited two days before seeking medical attention (her that is, not the poor octopus).Bisceglia now realises that few will sympathise with her injuries, and that what she did was a mistake. The idiot also says she will never try and pose for a photo with an octopus again.

It’s certainly true, once bitten, twice shy. Cunt.

Nominated by Mystic Maven

A nomination for Rosanne Arquette, who has apologised for being white.

The insanity of celebrities is well known, the race to be right on and progressive gets ever more ridiculous, but Arquette has hit the peak of the shit pile. You can apologise for being a cunt Rosanna, but you can’t apologise for being white. It’s not a choice.

White privilege is a dangerous and illogical concept. You are a privileged cunt indeed, because of your wealth and fame, not because of your skin colour. What a silly little ageing tart you are.

The Hollywood actress apologised for being “born white,” saying she felt “shame” before locking down her Twitter account after a backlash.

“I’m sorry I was born white and privileged. It disgusts me. And I feel so much shame,” the Pulp Fiction actress tweeted on Wednesday.

Give away all your money and assets and try being poor and white, you vacuous tart.

Nominated by Sixdog Vomit

This fuckin’ organisation could be cunted for countless reasons, however, one thing I’d like to concentrate on is a report they’ve recently released. In it, it says that a plant-based diet can help fight climate change. Whilst they stop short of suggesting everyone becomes a veggie, like so many of these halfwits they rarely think of the consequences of their suggestions.

Whilst there is a degree of truth in what they say, if it were broadly adopted what would happen to all the sheep, cattle, pigs etc. on earth. They still need land, food etc. to exist. Are we going to have a mass cull of them all? The people who suggest this, would be the very same who would be horrified at the falling numbers and threat to the numerous species of livestock. Besides, Mr F would have to find new employment. May I suggest as a proof reader or translator where his grammatical skills could be used?

Would this really cut down on methane and harmful gases produced by cattle?

A great big cow’s fart to the UN, the cunts.

Nominated by Bertie Blunt Ubercunt

I’m nominating professional charity beggars. These cunts that get in your face when you’re just trying to go about your life.

I work in town and there they are, every fucking day, relentlessly harassing people to sign up for ‘Save The Children’, ‘Age UK’, ‘Pal my wombat’, Sad fucking starving kid etc etc. Annoying, thieving bastards. They get paid for this shit but cannot see the irony of that. They are inevitably young lesbos, homos or scruffy looking cunts with dreadlocks and body hygiene issues.

Just fuck off and let me walk, in peace, through the bloody streets. Bastards.

Nominated by Bertram Cuntatious DCO