I wasn’t sure if this was for real, but judging from the lunacy of certain people, please find my nomination for Amanda Liberty, 35, from London, who describes herself an an “objectophile”, somebody who has a strong feeling of love, commitment or lust for items or structures.

She ‘had a long-distance relationship with the Statue of Liberty’ and is now engaged to a chandelier. (as you do – admin)

She has been dating the 100-year old light fixture since 2017 and said on Facebook that her love for the chandelier “just happened”. She realised she was an objectophile aged 14 when she had a relationship with a drum kit. She should have realised at the same age that she was a cunt.

By her late 20s she was in an on-off relationship with the Statue of Liberty, which is when she changed her surname to Liberty. The relationship came to an end in 2016 after she felt pressured to always visit the Statue of Liberty, who she called Libby. Her relationship with Lumière, the 28-inch chandelier, started shortly afterwards. Amanda admits that she isn’t able to take the light to bed because of its size, but that doesn’t stop her from having sexually charged dreams about it.

“I don’t even completely understand it myself, but I still accept it as part of who I am,’ she wrote on Facebook. ‘My chandeliers make me so happy and full of joy and completely fulfilled.”

Amanda admitted that she had a dream recently which involved the Queen introducing her to a chandelier.

“They let me operate the chandelier lift in the music room (something I would really love to do!) to bring one of the chandeliers down for closer inspection. I walked around her. And I told the Queen how beautiful her chandelier was…Then, before I could do more, I woke up. Dang it.”

She hopes to marry Lumière in the future and is very open about her relationship with her chandelier, which is a girl, on social media.

Nominated by Mystic Maven

Another cunting for Owen Jones.

Jones had the shit kicked out of him last night that and many I’m sure will be saying about time. Due to him being an egotistical arrogant prick, I’m sure there is a long queue of people ready to give him a twatting.

Anyway, he had his head kicked in, ( whoever they were, pints on me) and how does he and the media report on it? In an attack he called “a blatant premeditated assault”, Jones said he was kicked, punched and thrown to the ground by a group of men in the early hours of Saturday morning. He said that he and his friends went to a pub and left at 3am. “We were about 30 metres away, saying goodbye to each other, when four men charged directly towards me: one of them karate kicked my back, threw me to the ground, started kicking me in the head and back, while my friends tried to drag them off, and were punched trying to defend me. (I wonder if their is CCTV footage, I’m sure there would be a huge demand for the bootleg DVD of this.)

“It was clearly a premeditated attack and I was their target. They all attacked me and only assaulted my friends when they tried to defend me.

“In the past year I’ve been repeatedly targeted in the street by Far-right activists, including attempts to use physical assault, and homophobic abuse.

Straight away his liberal cunt friends jump on the bandwagon as Corbyn Steptoe said that the Far-right are on the march in this country. Please tell me where this is happening? With no evidence or reason why he was attacked, (although I’m sure it might of been because of his mouthy cunt face) it was because of his activism and being a journalist (is that what he calls himself). How do we know he wasn’t attacked because of his usual mouthy, up his own arse self and for once karma got him good? The media reports about this incident as evidence of the Far-right and increase in violence. No mention of the violence from the left because no way would they resort to this kind of thing.

Cunt face Jones further shows his usual ‘I’m a victim’, self centred righteousness:

“To the comments telling me to take time off: I know it comes from a good place, but I’m not cancelling my work commitments because of these thugs. Straight back to work, same routine. I’m not rattled, and I’m going to very publicly show that”.

He really is milking this to the best of his abilities. I really hate this British, Brexit hating prick. I’m sure this incident will provide many more delightful articles from him and his Guardian middle class, libturd friends about the increase in the Far-right and thuggery and how Brexit is the cause, blah, blah, blah. Many people go out on the town and sadly are assaulted for many reasons sometimes because people are bladdered, but don’t go using this to try and spin a narrative of the Far-right.

This is why we have Brexit… because of arrogant tossers like yourselves.

Nominated by Jason

A long overdue cunting for these colour blind wankers please.

Fucking Bellends! The Amber light means stop, the fucking Red one means stop behind the white line, not oh go on then, just another four. I was coming off the slip road today and some zombie nearly went up the arse of the CuntyMort mobile. On goes the horn with hand gestures that don’t appear on the approved list of hand signals, not to be compared with the two I sent back at the MongTard. Plus old Cunty’s advice to suck dick and die.

Fucking wankers. Why the fuck aren’t there cameras on the traffic lights so these colour blind tossers can pay into the fund for more Rozzers? The government would have a shitload of money pouring in on a regular basis. Plus, as an incentive to have the reproductive organs connected up to an electrical supply and the juice turned on. Might wake the Cunts ideas up a tad.

FUCKING CUNTS.

Nominated by CuntyMort

I would like to nominate the “car finder” site cinch.co.uk for a cunting!

I went on their site looking for a bit of older quality (just like the ladies I prefer) and drew a complete blank (as I do with the ladies I prefer…).

The models were prestigious in their era but have not been manufactured since the turn of the decade. At my age I want a bit of quality comfort without breaking the piggy-bank, and a cheeky 4ltr V8 saloon (doesn’t take a genius to work out what models) really appeals. I could give a fuck about fuel economy, or the environment (fuck you Lucas, you CUNT)!

However, they did have lots of “just MOT age” soulless shite. When my “I know what I want” search failed miserably 4 times, I tried the esoteric “tell us about yourself” route.

The list returned included horrendously expensive: Ford Galaxy, Citroen C5, BMW 3 series estate, all diesel… well I could go on but I won’t. I hadn’t realised I’d ticked the box where it asked: “Have you given up the will to live?”

So basically if you want to pay £20,000-£40,000 for a relatively new cuntmobile (Audi, Beemer, Merc) then you could use Cinch – if you were an idiot – or you can just gaze at the dead eyes of a main dealer used car rep as they lie to you in person!

Car dealing sites, second only to estate agent sites for their cuntitude!

Cunts!

Nominated by Rebel without a Cunt!

30 % less fat Cheddar Cheese is a right Cunt.

It doesn’t taste right, the block breaks up when you try and grate it, it doesn’t melt and bubble like full fat Cheddar and it looks like plastic, but the missus keeps fucking buying it, the cunt!!!

‘We don’t want you having another heart attack, do we?’ she fucking warbles, as if she’s fully cognizant with my thought processes.

Fucking fascist in a frock.

30% less fat Cheddar, Cunt Cheese for Cunts.
Get To Fuck.

Nominated by Jack The Cunter