Ronnie O’Sullivan

A Rob Walker, stentorian-toned (with music and full audience participation) cunting please for super snooker diva, Ronnie O’Sullivan.

I know to cunt Ronnie would be to the most ardent snooker fan the equivalent of blaspheming in front of the Archbishop of Canterbury and there is no doubt O’Sullivan is one of the game’s greats, but frankly some of the glitter is now coming off the star, but the more problematic his wins become, the bigger his mouth gets:

At 41, Ronnie is not the player he was ten years ago, but his way of staying on top is straight out of the ‘Norma Desmond’ school (“I’m still big, it’s the pictures that got small”) – make yourself big by making everyone else feel small, denigrate your fellow players (as he does in that article though the 105th ranked player came close to knocking the great man out), intimidate your opponent by sitting there picking your nails, rubbing your nose, screwing your face up and looking intimidating and glaring, while the other bloke is at the table. Swagger round the table as your adoring audience lap it up, cheering and clapping. Enjoy the glad-handing of the commentators who think the sun shines out of his arsehole.

When things don’t go his way, (that is when he doesn’t win every frame with at least 147,) he whinges like an old woman. He will have tantrums like a five year old. His biggest threat, (or promise,) is to retire, and has been for the past ten years.

Please Ron do it, don’t just say it, and shut the fuck up.

Nominated by W. C. Boggs

46 thoughts on “Ronnie O’Sullivan

  1. Never heard of the cunt but he’s an ugly looking, sneering cunt. Ergo, he’s a cunt.

    What happened to the bloke with the upside down glasses? Seems snooker players weren’t cunts when he was around. Except for Steve Davis.

    • The funny glasses guy is Denis Taylor, he does commentary on the BBC these days, along with dour Stephen Hendry (discipline and correction while you wait) and John “Where’s The Cue Ball Going?” Virgo. Steve “I’d Gladly lick Ronnie’s loo Seat Clean” Davis is still there too.

      • Bill Werbunik – had to have about 30 cans of lager before a game to calm his nerves. Then tried to claim the cost as a business expense. What legends we had back in the day. Not like the soft cunts sipping water now.

      • Jimmy White and Alex Higgins – two livewires back in the day that brought some life to the table (literally), that soon attracted huge TV audiences with their brilliant snooker and crazy antics.

        These days snooker is a fucking snooze-fest both watching and listening (the BBC commentary with cunts like Taylor and Hendry is like Chinese water torture)

  2. Thats EmpirecuntsBack isnt it?
    Thought the rule was ‘cant cunt fellow cunters?’
    Once again showing double standards and hypocrisy, change the rules when it suits, disgrace.
    Id complain to my M.P but hes a right cunt.😬

  3. And for those of you watching in Black and White, Ronnie’s the one who’s a cunt.

    • Bonus points if you pot your pink into your brown.

      Fucking yuck and I’ll get my coat…..

  4. O’Sullivan comes from a family of wrong uns. Read it up – but his whole family are dodgy.

  5. I bet he would have told me that David Lammy had a friend who died at Grenfell Tower…..

  6. He looks like he has dropped a beauty of a fart and is really proud of it. Can’t stand snooker. All twats

  7. Haven’t watched snooker in ages. Are there any dark keys, or people of colour playing the games these days? If not it won’t be long before there will be!

    Expect the camel jockeys and umbongos playing, and commentating before too long.

    • Quite a few chink ies getting in on it – some of them are cheating little cunts as well. It isn’t their eyes that are too far apart, it’s their ears are too close together.

  8. This Cunt wouldn’t have intimidated Hurricane Higgins. Not if he had any sense.
    Snooker died with Higgins.
    Good morning.

  9. I have to say this rates as a 0 interest article to me, the only thing of note is the cunting of the town of Crawley, which I agree with.
    However if I was in the public eye and playing whatever in a confined space surrounded by locals I might be more diplomatic with my tongue.
    However from experience the novo locals of Crawley (twinned with Bradford) probably have little to no understanding or interest in the game.

  10. I can think of one cunter who won’t be too happy about this one

  11. Women’s snooker might have some appeal – just so long there’s an age criteria of say 18-29; no munters, long legs, tight-fitting top, short pleated skirts & white cotton nix only!

    I would definitely need to chalk my cue-tip to pot her pink (or the brown at a push)

    • The tight shirts women’s snooker players often wear do look appealing. Don’t know why but for whatever reason they always look attractive in that kind of clothing.

  12. Ha ha. I live in’s not that bad. The playing venue was right next to Tilgate Park where Ronnie could have gone for his run. Bridges? Rude fuckers, offered me £30 for my Clio, which was still running well, when I politely suggested this was perhaps a tad on the low side they replied ‘take it or leave it mate’ and moved on to the next victim. But love Ronnie or loathe him, his 147 in less than 5 minutes was simply incredible.

    • I used to deliver to your neck of the woods, I recall someone opening the door once and I said “Fuck me your white”.
      As for the park, I liked the little zoo/farm and best of all the turtles on the lake who I haven’t seen for a few years now, they used to look like German helmets lined up on the floating logs.
      Any idea what happened to them?

  13. Nah , never seen any turtles, been here 10 years. Plenty of swans and ducks. Did you know Donald Campbell tested his Bluebird boat on the lake? it’s known locally as Campbell’s Lake.

  14. Ronnie O’Sullivan is indeed a monumental cunt and thick as two short Irishmen to boot. Not only does he believe the world of snooker revolves around him, he also believes the whole world revolves around him. Brilliant, naturally gifted snooker player and also a brilliant, naturally gifted cunt.

  15. I’m generally in support of any British sportsman that can match or beat the worlds best, but there are certain ones that no matter how great they are i just can’t stand.
    O’Gangster is one and that cunt Lewis Hamilton is another.
    Both posing, childish, big headed twats i’m afraid.

  16. I used to watch the snooker in the 80s with my gran & it was quite good.
    Lots of smoking and lager I seem to remember from the amusing ones.
    I’m sure this Ronnie chap is good but the best use for the snooker balls might be in an old rugby sock.
    That will learn him.
    The soppy cunt.

  17. Morning men.
    I have to say that I lost interest in watching snooker on the day that the delicious Michaela Tabb gave up refereeing. She can polish my balls or chalk my cue any day.

    PS. O’Sullivan is probably the most gifted player that the game has ever seen, but he’s turned into a whinging cunt.

  18. I know feck all about this chappy, other than learning, a few years back and to my eternal shame, that Empire’s avatar is actually this bloke and not Michael Barrymore as I thought…

  19. Ronnie wants to be a Muslim Ronnie wants to retire Ronnies got depression Ronnie doesn’t want to keep playing tournaments abroad Ronnie is the spawn of an Essex scumbag jailbird cunt sorry I meant cant ! He can’t function without a bit of melodrama . Why can’t he be satisfied with being great at snooker and banging Laila Rouass in the cunt.

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