I’m cunting pharmacies.

Why the fuck does it take 20 minutes to get your prescription ready? Go in the doctor’s surgery and the cunts can’t wait to kick you out, their robotic diagnoses being churned out 19 to the fucking dozen while their eyes glaze over. “Here’s your generic prescription, Mr Nesbitt.”

Get into the fucking pharmacy and there’s about five or six pharmacy assistants doing fuck all, just wandering around like thick cunts with no purpose in life. Even when you are the only customer in the joint it still takes fucking ages to get your drugs. How fucking difficult is it to take some pills off the shelf and put them in a bag? I’ve got better things to be doing, like watching the women’s beach volleyball with a box of spunk rags at the ready.

And the places reek of piss and biscuits.

Fuck off.

Nominated by Gash Nesbitt

75 thoughts on “Pharmacies

  1. All my prescriptions are done online a week in advance, so that when I turn up at the chemist, they’re ready to go.

    I hated waiting around for my tablets prior to the online pre-ordering option, for precisely your reasons. Sometimes those assistants wouldn’t know their arseholes from their ear holes.

    • Me : order repeat prescription at GP’s on Friday @ 10am for collection at pharmacy next door to Surgery.
      Surgery : Allow 24 -26 hours for pharmacy to process, so collect no earlier than 12 midday Saturday
      Me : Go to pharmacy following Thursday (6 days later) – wait in queue of 10 people for 20 minutes to get to counter.
      Pharmacy : “we haven’t done you prescription yet – it’ll be 1/2 hour wait – we’re very busy”
      Me : ” Erm, I put this in 6 days ago”
      Pharmacy : “we’ve had a big order in this afternoon…”
      Me : “were you busy the last 5 days as well ?”
      Pharmacy : Blank contempt stare
      Me in Surgery, after : ” please don’t send my prescriptions to the clowns next door. In future I’ll collect them here & get them filled elsewhere”
      Surgery : “No problem… a lot of people complain about ZZZ pharmacy…”

      • Every time I collect a prescription I’m asked “would you like to wait for it?”. My reply “no ta I’ll have it now” Miserable cunts never laugh.

  2. The difference is that GP’s practices are funded for an average patient consultation of 15 mins. So, to give sufficient time to the genuine and urgent cases, the Monday and Friday morning malingerers are given a short, sharp fuck off.

    Pharmacists don’t just pop the pills into a bag and hand them over. They need to be independently checked by a qualified checker after the Pharmacist has prepared he prescription. Human error is omnipresent, but if Mrs Smith gives herself the wrong dose of medicine or the wrong medicine is prescribed, the consequences could be devastating, hence the checker needs to check the GP’s prescription is correct (errors there can occur), the medication that the Pharmacist has prescribed is correct, the dose is correct and the labelling is correct. This all takes time and is not like ordering your Big Mac, where if the order is wrong it is seldom life threatening.

    If an incorrect prescription walks out the door then the Pharmacist or their checker can be disciplined or sacked. The shite money that they pay Pharmacists now due to the Dooshka Dooshka influx of foreign Pharmacists is a cunting disgrace. I really do not envy them one iota.

    Apologies Mr Gash, but perhaps do a spot of shopping whilst the low-paid, but highly qualified Pharmacist ensures your prescription is correct so your medicine is correct and therefore safe to take.

    Sorry, but I hereby wield the Mighty Invalidator on this cunting.

    • I agree. I have both a Boots and an Asda round the corner and I use the Asda as they are generally much nicer and, I’d say, more competent. I now send my prescriptions online and go pick them up a few days later but even when I had to get paper scripts I was more than happy to leave them for a few days so they fulfilled them when they had time and the whole business was less prone to error. The only times things have been wrong was because the fucking surgery screwed things up.

      • I should point out that the quantity of tablets each day pretty much adds up to a meal so I like them to get it right.

      • I trust my pill ladies more than the surgery, but that’s largely because of dozy shitbag GP receptionists (see cuntings passim), or, dare I say it, medics being frightened off prescribing something decent because some NHS diktat has put the wind up them (and they NEVER tell me in advance, I always have to go to the surgery, thus wasting NHS time, trying to get a simple explanation).
        I’d gladly ride two of my pill ladies…

    • Agree. So far I’ve been lucky in not needing more than the occasional prescription, but when I’m in buying something else the staff are always busy on pharmacy work, even without customers. And with the customers’ usual need to blether on about their corns, their granny or how hot/cold it is, I do not envy the staff at all. I suspect there’s a high turnover in pharmacists, too. It’s never the same person as it was on my previous visit.

  3. It takes them all that time to write up those silly little labels they put on the boxes. You know, the ones that say “ take 3, 6 times a day after a 3 course meal, no more than one hour apart”.

  4. I don’t mind waiting. It gives me chance to sit down and rest (I don’t drive.)
    Sometimes I like to peruse the shop, buy something, and smell the perfume testers.

    • I prefer to smell the pharmacists snatch. Noticed some sexy prom little Asian pharmacists in our local druggeries. Worth waiting to watch them wriggle their asses in their white coats.

      • I believe a hell of a lot of medical conditions in especially middle aged men would be vastly improved by being able to have a lengthy sniff of a young female assistants tight little snatch.

      • Wouldn’t do my back any good, having to bend down. Perhaps I could get her to stand on a chair.

    • When I sit down I look at women’s bums or tits and sometimes camel toe. That makes me happy.

  5. They cant rush in case they make a mistake, and some medication is classified under dangerous drugs act, and needs the pharmacist to sign off on it.
    My daughter used to do this only reason I know.

  6. On Tuesday I went to see a consultant at a hospital in another town, which is a four hour round trip. While there I asked him for a further supply of tablets which can’t be obtained anywhere else. I took the prescription he gave me to the hospital’s pharmacy and was told it would be half an hour, so I went for a piss and a walk round.
    Arrived back after thirty minutes, sat there another fifteen minutes, nobody mentioned my name so I asked if the prescription was ready. A woman came out of the back room and said “We called your name but we were told you had gone. A lot of people wanted these tablets this morning and there aren’t any left.”
    That was bollocks, they just hadn’t bothered to order any. So not only did they waste three quarters of an hour of my time, I’ve got another four hour round trip to look forward to, probably next week.

  7. It’s probably difficult to select the correct drugs if you don’t speak a fucking word of English, and are used to fixing maladies by cutting someone’s pissflaps off with a broken bottle, or opening a chicken up and divining from the resultant mess that in order to cure your AIDS you must lop off your next door neighbour’s arm with a fucking machete.
    Get fucked.

  8. I have an on line repeat prescription service.
    I order in advance my medication and collect from a pharmacy of my choice (so I thought)
    so seeing as I was about to run out and would be on holiday I asked that my prescription be sent to a place in Cornwall (even a note saying I will be there on holiday).
    As to be expected the surgery ignored the change of address and fired it off to Lloyd’s in Aldershite. Bollocks, however Day Lewis explained that I had to call Lloyd s Aldershite and have them release the prescription back on to the spine.
    That done I was able to get my meds in Cornwall!
    Guess what happened next time I ordered my meds? yes the fucking surgery fired my prescription off to Cornwall despite my change of address on the request, so again I had to phone Cornwall request that they release my prescription back on to the spine so Lloyd’s aldershite could pick it up and dispense it.
    The pharmacists were really helpful, but that dip shit admin cow in the surgery is a fucking incompetent to say the least I am half expecting her to fire my next order up to Birmingham.

  9. I have tablets dispatched by boots every 2 months but the actual order is made up in Preston which is over 44 miles away, absolutely bonkers.

  10. We get prescriptions which have to go to the surgery pharmacy. They are just about useless, losing stuff, fucking up and so on. When you look in you see stuff over the floor and piled up in corners. Wouldn’t last 5 minutes in an manufacturing organisation.

    • I had a to do in Boots – they lost my prescription. They told me to get another – the doctor’s receptionist (most miserable cow in the universe) told me I had to report it to plod. What a fucking palavar – turns out this was bollocks. Eventually, another receptionist called Boots and it was all ok. Stupid cunts.

  11. It’s better than listening to a whole day of praise for the MrMidgetSpeakerBercunt.

    Anyway, my young phamacist has turned into a right little beaut especially with her hornyrimmed specs on, just pulled slightly down her nose – waiting for a prescription has never been finer – I’d wait for days, even go in before i’ve ordered my script – wharrrrrrrrrrr

    • On the news, they spoke of “numerous plaudits for the Speaker.”
      When they cut to a shot of Halitosis Hall, there might have been a dozen of the idle gobshites in the place.
      I think they’ve all crossed the floor, and are now in the “Christmas Party.”

      I bet down at the Royal Mail, they pick straws to see who does the pre-Christmas delivery to chez Sourbreath – imagine getting a Christmas box from her…

  12. I’m starting to take so many medications, they must come to half the cost of the NHS drugs bill. Taking multiple medications regularly is known as polypharmacy. I’m lucky that Percy administers all my tablets.

    • Haven’t you trained him to go and fetch your prescriptions yet Blunty or has he been banned for foul and abusive language to the staff?

      • Evening LL. His language is appalling!
        I don’t know where he’s picked it up from!
        I’d microwave him but it would mean having to change my avatar.

      • I must say Spoony that in his defence, Percy has helped me to overcome severe constipation without medication as he irritates the shit out of me.

  13. Our pharmacy is very reliable; they can never find my prescribed items or the wife’s order of gluten free flour. About an hour after a visit, we get a call to say that they’ve located it and would we come back to pick it up. How hard can it be to set up a system which enables them to locate items after they’re prepared? This is always supposing that they don’t claim that they’ve no record of having received a prescription from you to begin with. This ain’t a one-off, but a regular occurrence. Twats.

    • Mine are similar, bur I get to see the chubby little Welsh blonde bending over. I always get a cheery smile when I wish her a Dirty Weekend.

  14. When the fuck did Chemists suddenly become Pharmacies?

    Fucking shit cunty Yank language.

  15. You can get Pfister product over the counter so the Mrs is happy. Are they cunts…….I’m willing to back Mr Nesbitt through solidarity. Cunts.

  16. The pharmacy is great but I seem to be the only cunt who pays for a fucking prescription. Plus I am usually the only one who has English as their mother tongue.

  17. And they say we are now living in a society that demands instant gratification as a human right.
    Can you imagine? A drug that has the potential to both keep you alive and/or cure your suffering but, could also kill you when not diligently prepared or without including careful directions on it’s usage. Now imagine you have to wait a whole 20 minutes in order to continue to live or to alleviate your suffering.

    The horror of it.

  18. Mmm, right load of hypochondriacs, malingerers, and sickly types!
    Fresh air lads, hard work and tot of whisky see you right!
    This Dads Army unit needs to buck up!
    Fighting fit for post brexit!

    Spoons are you wearing slippers?

    • I bet Creampuffs already in his monogrammed RTC dressing gown ready to review the days election news in his snug.

      • Evening Miserable, LL.

        Am ordering a complete media blackout at Creampuff Manor.

        General Election? Get fucked. I wanna know naffink abaaaaaht it! The doc has tripled my prescription for diazepam, Willie Stroker’s down at the pharmacy right now getting it filled. The next six weeks will be spent in a drug and alcohol fuelled haze in the snooker room. Probably have a cigar or two as well – still have some King Edwards left over from when I stopped smoking.

        Once the fat lady’s sung and Jo Swindler is Prime Minister, it’ll be time for Christmas, another skip load of stress, more mandies and another month holed up in the snooker room, how the other half lives, eh?

        Btw, did you notice? Corbyn pinched one of my lines….. “Whose side are you on?”


      • Wheres your military issue boots private spoons?
        Ok seeing as I like you and your the company medic,
        Socks it is!!
        (Not cartoons on em? Proper wool ones not Flintstones or something are they?)😊

      • No no just plain socks. I should get some socks with the letters ‘ISAC” stitched on them. Only to be worn when browsing the ISAC website.

      • Mrs miserable bought me some sheepskin slippers other year for xmas, spoons.
        I pulled my face a bit, not worn slippers since a little kid,
        What a revelation!!
        Felt like both feet had had sex and taken drugs!
        Big fan now!

  19. On the rare occasion I need to get a prescription, the lass behind the counter in my local pharmacy (who has a stellar pair of tits BTW) asks every time “do you pay for your prescriptions sir?” to which I make a point of looking around at the workshy fucking flotsam littering the place waiting on their freebies, “YES I DO THANKS”. And more often than not some smackhead will come in while I’m waiting and ignore the queue, and go straight to the counter to ask for his methodone refill; upon which they get guided round to their own little spot behind a partition wall to get served first as they daren’t risk them kicking off and jabbing their manky needles into every fucker. Cunts.

    • I remember some while ago going to a town chemist and saying yes to the ‘do you pay’ question. There was a gasp from the assembled vermin who looked at me as if I was from another planet.

  20. Vote for Corbyn – free prescriptions!!!

    One problem, the country will be bankrupt so as long as your prescription is fuck all you will be fine.

  21. prescriptions !!!!!! nothing that a good lungful of bracing Yorkshire air a cup of tea or a flagon of ale can’t cure

  22. Plenty of oriental skirt out here in the chemists. Most of its of a good standard too. Plus they’re spoken English is alright. Trim little bodies, attractive smiles, small firm tits and bloody accomodating. Ppfftt! What’s not to enjoy? I’ve no need to go into the pharmacy too bloody often, because I’m as fit and healthy as a mallee bull, but the sexy Suzy Wong-types found within adds a thrill to scoring pills, eh-eh?

  23. Good news! Some Joe Daki just gave me £5 too much in my change! Buy yourselves a drink!

  24. Mmmm The delightful Isobel Oakshott on CuntionTime Luverlee slurp
    Sat next to that undemocratic ugly cunt Layla Moran what a grade A CUNT that thing is

  25. Green Chartreuse watered down with a bit of Polski Spiritus, cuts the sweetness a bit. Cadenhead’s Classic Rum is a nice drop too.

  26. Reeks of piss&biscuits what the chemists? I thought we were cunting pharmacys not the bastard ring&ride service!christ some of the pharmacy assts i have seen(of oriental type) theyd be great on a ring&ride service!

  27. Boy am I having trouble with chemists ,I have been taking a particular type of pain relief for 25yrs have now been told there is a manufacturing problem and it cant be obtained I have called 70+ pharmacies without joy the drug has particularly bad withdrawal symptoms and there are no viable alternatives for me I am at my wits end and will run out in a couple of days, the medical and pharmaceutical professionals have said there is nothing they can or are prepared to do. What a fucking nightmare, and now being checked for prostate cancer to put a cherry on the cake.

    • And to top that little lot I have to spell out name of drug on a regular basis cos most of pharmacists dont have English as a first language

  28. Jesus!

    All I can say is that you cunters must rattle as you walk about!

    If Corbynated Chicken gets his “FREE! FREE! FREE!” way in December half the NHS budget will be gone on prescriptions for Is A Cunt alone!


  29. I had to change over to Boots from the local family-owned pharmacy because the were gormless cunts. Between them and the local surgery there would always be cock-ups with my meds and plenty of buck-passing.

  30. yes im sorry u had to wait ive been so bored myself that ive shit&pissed in your bag!your my twentyieth customer!i hate my fuckin job and needed to cheer mtself up.i an old dear in thus morning dead now!big fucjing log in her collextion died of schock.

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