“It’s before my time”

“Sorry, dearie. It’s before my time”

The phrases “It was before my time” or “I wasn’t born then”.

Usually uttered by younger contestants on Television game shows.

Most of history happened before all of our times.
I wasn’t born during Roman times, but we learned about it at school. Same for the Vikings, same for the First and Second World War.
I’ll admit that I’ve forgotten a large portion of it, because it was 20+ years ago that I studied it, but I can still remember some of the events like the Battle of Jutland, the Battle of Paschendale, etc.

If you don’t know, then go and read up on it for fuck sake. Ignorance is no excuse.
They might find it a bit more interesting than (anti)social media and dross like Love Island, but I doubt it.

Nominated by Harold Steptoe

Gavin Malone

Gavin Malone….

Just been forced to watch more of this cunt in a prison trying to teach the current intake of aspiring architects to ‘sing’. Oh yeah, they’re all so repentant about stabbing other aspiring architects and clearly think they’re gonna get off lightly and emulate their hero ‘Shitstormz’, or whatever the cunts called and it’s all being paid for by the fucking BBC.

Fuck my fucking old brown boots. Fuck right off, I need to piss before my urinary tract melts.

CUNT.

Nominated by Kunte Kunty

Old mans Bollocks

Old mans Bollocks,
No not the type that they talk down the pub, but the pendulous objects between my legs.
Over the festive season I damaged my back and ended up bed ridden and reverted to “Comfy clothes”, In this case a pair of jogging bottoms nice warm elasticated waist ones that have their own nice warm climate in them, Global warming affected my plums and they attempted to visit my kneecaps.
This in turn created other issues as they slid under my thigh as I attempted to slide left or right, My new found mobility and a return too boxer shorts is also problematic as they choose to go right (predominantly right) and are subjected to constant pressure during my drive to work resulting in a feeling like a mild kick in the nuts.
So I have a few life style choices to evaluate, do I change my style of undercrackers, maybe a cushion in the car to change posture or stand naked in the garden hoping the fuckers will retract before I drive to work.

Nominated by lord benny

Vijay Mahendran

A cynic might suggest that Cunters here are seeking-out doctors of a certain minority group accused of sex offences working in the NHS deliberately, but it’s just the case that every news story of this type I click on seems to feature men fitting the same profile.

Dr Vijay Mahendran was today found guilty of groping nurses seven times at work. Seems to think it’s OK, apparently, and still doesn’t admit he did anything wrong. Got away with it for a period, despite the hospital knowing what was going on and preferring a ‘quiet word’ than to do the right thing and report him to the police (I wonder if regular people are allowed to grope their staff, or just cunts like this and sons of Shadow Home Secretaries). In one instance he was even groping a nurse while she and a colleague were explaining a dying patients condition to relatives at their bedside:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-merseyside-51023764

Naturally, the cunt won’t do a day in prison. Don’t know if he’s even going to be struck off. With all these cases of dodgy doctors I think patients are perfectly entitled to refuse to be left alone with some of these people as it’s justifiable not to believe it to be safe. At the very least it’s not out of line to ask to see the doctors disciplinary record, because with all these guys being allowed to keep working, you can’t have any confidence that they will have been struck off, even if they have been guilty of sex-offences.

Nominated by Dr Shagga and His Cunt Munching Machine

 

 

American Dialect Society

I feel it’s no less than my civic duty to nominate the American Dialect Society. These are the twats who announce the annual “Word Of The Year” – now it’s always some irrelevant bullshit, but this year they have excelled themselves. What’s the word of the year this time you ask? Is it “Muslim”, or “Invasion”, or “Genocide” perhaps? “Media Bias”?

Nope, it’s “THEY”. Yes, the most on-point and relevant word for humanity over the last 12 months is THEY, replacing those awful outdated horrors “he” and “she”.

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/they-singular-pronoun-non-binary-gender-american-dialect-society-a9270956.html

So we now get articles like this – and I quote – “In September 2019, Sam Smith announced their decision to use gender-neutral pronouns. The singer, who identifies as non-binary, shared their news on Twitter, writing: “Today is a good day so here goes. I’ve decided to change my pronouns to THEY/THEM.”

Not really much else to be said in the way of cunting this one, is there? Pretty much a self-cunting prophecy.

Nominated by Cuntan the Cuntarian