Cripes and jeepers, things are getting serious. Large amounts of shit are about to hit the fan due to this nasty little Coronavirus bug.
According to Health Secretary Matt Hancock, illustrious members of the over 70s club ‘could soon be asked to self-isolate’, for our own protection. This period of isolation could last for months.

Well, this is going to be a jolly jape and no mistake. The obvious questions of how self-isolating individuals are to be kept supplied with food and medications will immediately occur to everyone, but no doubt the government will be working on some form of contingency plan. Well, let’s hope to Christ that they are. The devil will be in the detail, and boy, is there a ton of detail. What does a family do if granny lives with them; lock her up in the box room? What do you do if your boiler breaks down? Will someone be allowed in to fix it? What happens if you have a hospital appointment scheduled, or you need to see the dentist? What do you do if the MOT is due on your car? What about…

Self-isolation is going to be a right cunt and no mistake. Cue Vera Lynn; ‘we’ll meet again, don’t know where don’t know when…’

Coronavirus: what a sack of Chinese cack.

Nominated by Ron Knee

A half-time bucket and sponge and orange cunting please, for the old granny-shagger himself. Poor old Wayne, who looks as if he is wearing the lavatory brush round his chin, thinks he and his footballing friends have been treated as “guinea pigs”:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/51896488

Certainly paid more than a guinea, though. If any member of his family fall ill, he is promising, er, sorry, threatening never to play again – so every cloud has a silver lining.

I am sure all manner of NHS staff are in much more immediate danger than a bunch of posing footballers.

Nominated by W. C. Boggs

Yes, the spud-faced scouser with pubes stuck to his head is having a tantrum over the coronavirus. Perhaps because the bingo halls are now shutting and he can’t hang around outside to bother the grannies?

Perhaps. But it seems it’s because he thinks multi-millionaire footballers like himself, are being used as guinea pigs, as they were ‘forced’ to work as the virus starting spreading. Now ‘Wazza’ is off work and will be for some months, on full pay. Wazza has homes all over the place, millions in the bank and he and his wife and kids, are in the extremely low risk group (he would’ve said if anybody wasn’t) when it comes to the Coronavirus. If needed, he can afford the very best care.

Wazza, who hasn’t had a decent game for about 10 years, is now threatening to quit the sport due to being used in such a way. That is, being regularly tested (so he can be treated quicker than anyone else) and being paid about 80 grand a week to sit at home.

Mr Potato Head also fails to mention that there are thousands of care workers, hospital workers, shop assistants and other workers in ordinary jobs working through this mess and putting themselves at risk of infection. Many who work in jobs like the catering industry (and many other jobs in general) are being laid off without pay. These people can’t pay their rent/mortgage or buy food now. Businesses are going to the wall and this cunt thinks he’s the one needing sympathy?

Fuck this granny shagging, spud-faced, pube-bonced, entitled, out-of-touch, scouse retard.

Nominated by Cuntybollocks

SPECCY WRONG-DAILY…

The most pernicious lie in the Coronavirus scare campaign is the claim over ‘herd immunity’, or, to be more blunt, the claim we are about to be subjected to a Government-sponsored genocide of the old and sick.

Chief Scientific Adviser Sir Patrick Vallance had stated that in order to finally defeat the virus, 60 per cent of the UK population would need to contract the disease at some stage, building up sufficient natural biological protection to protect the more vulnerable members of society.

This was immediately seized upon and spun as an attempt by the Government to perpetuate a new form of natural selection.

Rebecca Long Bailey’s media team took to social media to claim: ‘With the current mortality rate, that’s 780,000 deaths. Which amounts to almost twice the number of British civilian and military casualties in World War Two.’

But as a No. 10 official explained for the umpteenth time: ‘Our objective is not to secure herd immunity. Our objective is to flatten the curve of the virus’s spread to ensure the NHS and other services retain the capacity to protect the most vulnerable patients.’

Staggering that a contender for the Labour Leadership and potentially a Leader of Her Majesty’s Opposition or – God forbid – our future Prime Minister – should stoop so low in order to gain political power as to spread such irresponsible fake news.

But then her nickname is ‘Wrong-Daily’…

Nominated by Dioclese

I would like to nominate utterly pointless and wasteful academic research projects. The type of study which adds exactly nothing to the sum of human knowledge, which is clearly self-indulgence and a total waste of time and money.

Some examples:

* The University of Northumbria allowed someone to pursue research on how to brew the perfect cup of tea.

* The department of defence in the USA spent two million dollars on asking an expert to create robots who could play improvised jazz with human musicians. WHY? How does this relate to defending the US from the attacks of Putin and Kim the Wrongun?

* A study of teenage student behaviour concluded, after painstaking research, that kids who spent a lot of time playing computer games
of an evening would have less time to study homework. No shit, Sherlock. Have another bursary; feel free to piss more taxpayers money away.

Other British study projects included research on why cookies crumble, how to make the perfect slice of toast, and why woodpeckers don’t get headaches.

This is a bit of a lightweight nom, but when we live in an age where money is desperately needed for real research into fighting disease, seeing people get awarded public money to study the likes of Klingon sonnet writing sends my blood pressure towards fatal levels.

Nominated by Weary&Disgusted

John Mason is a cunt, isn’t he?

As if being an SNP MP isn’t loopy enough, this wingnut has condemned a church for cancelling services amid the Chinavirus pandemic. With thousands infected and the death toll at over 200, Mason said, “Surely we should be bold, take risks, and trust in Jesus?”

Well John, I would ask you why your God allowed the virus in the first place? Why create people if only to torture them with pestilence, disability, cancer, disease, etc, especially in children?

Mason has also said that Creationism should be taught in schools as an alternative theory to evolution. Furthermore, he has also criticised gay people saying, “The Bible’s teaching is that a follower of Jesus should not have a sexual relationship with someone of the same sex.” In fact, he’s so anti-homo, it’s almost as if he’s hiding something.

This is the same wacko cunt who compared the IRA, that murdered three Scottish soldiers, to “freedom fighters” then initially refused to withdraw his comments. Even arch Britain-hater Nicola Sturgeon thought that was off and apologised on his behalf.

Mason is a fruitnut. He recently wrote, “I believe that the Bible is the word of God and its teachings are God’s direction as to how I should live my life.” Presumably that includes Noah’s Ark, parted seas, talking snakes, voices in his head, desert shrubs suddenly alighting, people turning into salt, and all of Jesus’s Magic Circle sleight of hand tricks.

Psh.

God wasn’t available for comment as he doesn’t exist.

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous