Last night the wife and I sat down to watch ‘The Bridge at Remagen’, a film we hadn’t seen in years. For those of you who may be unfamiliar with this flick, let me say that it tells the story of the battle for control of the Ludendorff Bridge over the Rhine during the last days of WWII. It’s a cracking watch, with a great story, strong performances, terrific battle scenes, and… Robert ‘Man from Uncle’ Vaughn.

Now don’t get me wrong. Vaughn does a decent turn as the sympathetic, world weary German officer tasked with defending the bridge against the advancing Yank army. Trouble is, he can’t resist lapsing into a daft ‘ve haff vays’ parody of a German accent which is as distracting as it’s irritating, and worst of all, unnecessary.

Afterwards this got us thinking about just how many other ‘cod’ accents have threatened to de-rail an otherwise good film over the years. Take that perennial favourite, PoW drama ‘The Great Escape’. Jame’s Coburn’s ‘struth g’day cobber’ Aussie sounds as though he’s got a mouthful of marbles. Dire.

Anybody remember Josh Ackland’s woeful ‘Sith Iffriken’ in ‘Lethal Weapon 2’, or the grotesque Yiddisher/German gabble of Olivier in ‘The Jazz Singer’? And how about Nicholarse Cage’s excrable attempt to ‘speeka di eetalian’ in ‘Captain Corelli’s Mandolin’?

Attempts at ‘Oirish’ have produced some of the worst offences. Think of ‘Tiny Tim’ Cruise in ‘Home and Away’, and Tommy Lee Jones’s laughable attempts in ‘Blown Away’.

The list is long, but I’ll wind up by referring to what is widely regarded by fans and critics alike as the worst fake accent in cinema history. Step forward Dick van Dyke, whose ‘indoobitably Bairy Boppins’ cockney sets the standard by which all others must be measured. Indeed it’s so awful that van Dyke still feels the need to apologise for it donkey’s years later. Indeed, the one thing that Don Cheadle’s mockney accent in ‘Ocean’s 11’ has going for it is that it’s slightly better than Bert’s.

Okay, I’ll leave the last word on the subject to Cary Elwes in ‘Robin Hood: Men in Tights’, who famously says ‘unlike some other Robins, I can speak with an English accent’. There’s a lesson there for film-makers, as this screen depiction of one of England’s greatest kings aptly illustrates…

YouTube Link

Nominated by: Ron Knee

(For shits and giggles, Day Admin – Top 10 Worst Movie Accents )

(Hancock and the missus  – Day Admin)

He was a hack reporter for British newspapers for years. Every subject under the sun he covered. He ended with being a reporter for the Economist. Then sudddnly he had a revelation.

Pure prejudice this.

He had a revelation studying ancient Egypt. And that newly discovered place in Turkey-.Göbekli Tepe. And then looked around and ‘cherry picked’ evidence from The Maya and those Easter Island heads and yes there was a World Civilisation who built all these monuments. They are all connected see.

Too much to go into.

Joe Rogan loves him.
I cant stand him. All of the histories of these different lands, all the particular cultures, all the proper academic research come to nothing for a speculative game. It seems to me.
Cant stand him.

Yes he’ll go nearly all the way down the ‘ancient aliens did it’ nonsense with Joe. Just seeing them together. Hancock will suggest some outlandish connection between say south American pyramids and ancient Egyptian ones. ‘Oh yeah’ says Joe. ‘They didn’t tell us that’ or ‘they kept that secret’.

A shallow woman say likes to buy bright shiny clothes, bags, jewellery…
Same with Joe. Hancock gives him a nice shiny bauble of ‘evidence’ and he loves it. He just takes it all without question.

I dont like because it diminishes what the Ancient Egyptians did. Or the ancient Babylonians for that matter. Mesopotamia. Ancient Crete. The Azteks or the Maya.

Also I think there is a touch of Racism in it. I am not sure how Hancock perceives the people of this lost world civilisation. But I am pretty sure he imagines them to have been bright shiny white.

You Tube Link

Nominated by: Miles Plastic

Innes, the vile turd, smashed 25 yr old Bennylyn Burke’s head in repeatedly with a hammer, then stabbed her corpse with a samurai sword. The evil bastard later raped her 2 year old daughter, before murdering her and then buried them both under his kitchen floor. He had also raped and molested another young child.

After claiming diminished responsibility, then claiming it was ‘self defence’, he told police ; “I dug them a respectable grave, gave them a Christian burial and replaced the floor, that’s all I did.”

The 52 yr old shit has been jailed for 36 years – he’ll be 88 when and if he gets out. In the meantime, we pay to keep him housed, fed, watered with home comforts, medical and dental treatment into his old age.

If any bastard deserves a long drop from a short rope – it’s this evil puddle of shit.

Why do we care about the civil rights of scum who aren’t themselves civilised. Liberal do-gooders should hang their heads in shame. I despair….I really do..

Sky News

Nominated by: Lord of the Rings

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-11713239/Strictly-bosses-want-celebrity-wheelchair-user-years-success.html

I’ve seen about half an hour of Strictly Come Dancing in its various incarnations over the years so if you haven’t seen it, and I wish I hadn’t, it is about dancing.

Wanting to replicate the show’s 2022 success of having a dwarf dance with a full size person, BBC Chiefs are looking to cast a celebrity wheelchair user to put in the show. Wheelchair dance experts predict ‘the disabled contestant may get out of their chair to perform on the ballroom floor.’ Nothing could go wrong with that at all, I’m sure.

Nominated by Cuntybollocks.

Humza Yousaf (Who he ? Scotchland’s health secretary) has dropped a legal action for £30,000 against a nursery he and his wife claimed discriminated against their daughter. They alleged that there was no space for their child whilst ‘ white Scottish sounding names were accepted ‘.

Obviously,I am not in possession of all of the facts but the response of the nursery was robust even though the court case costs and decision may have bankrupted them.
Mr Yousaf’ s legal representative, ‘Aamer Anwar , said …

I could go on but you lot on IsAC have got the idea.

As ever , I rely on my fellow cunters such as the indefatigable arfur to provide links from the BBC News Website.

Nominated by: Guzziguy and Ruff Tuff Creampuff

With helpful links provided by: Ron Knee

Herald Scotland

BBC News Link