Mad Bryony’s Coastal Bungalow Bailout

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is a cunt.

Otherwise known as The Magic Money Tree rides to the rescue once more..

“In 2013, Bryony Nierop-Reading’s home in Happisburgh, Norfolk, collapsed into the sea after it was teetering on the cliff edge. Now the home she moved into eight years ago is one of three properties due to be demolished.

North Norfolk District Council has worked with owners to provide a range of options, including financial support of £40,000-£100,000.”

How kind of them.

Bryony also chimed in with “Before I bought the house I had to consider the fact that I would ultimately lose it. My reason for staying is that the further away you are from the coast, the less concerned you are about coastal erosion.”

Indeed.

I’m sure Bryony is as we speak awaiting yet another council payout so she can carefully invest the money in another property teetering on a cliff edge,and so on..

Why can’t they just move Bryony into a care home inland for her own safety (and relief for the council tax payers) and put migrants in these deathtraps instead..the locals could have a sweepstake on which infested property crashes down the cliff first.

bbcnews

Nominated by Unkle Terry.

49 thoughts on “Mad Bryony’s Coastal Bungalow Bailout”

  1. I’ve read her reason for staying half a dozen times. By the 5th & 6th time, it might as well have been written in Sanskrit.

    What utter nonsense! So yes, she needs to be sectioned and locked away for her own safety, the demented bag.

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    • My thoughts exactly Jeezum. Her reason for staying, the words are in English but fuck knows what those two sentences mean.

      I never understood people’s attachment to a town or region. Looking back I realise that I knew I would leave the town where I was born and raised shortly after starting secondary school. I go there occasionally to visit my sister. Having lost her husband recently she is moving out imminently and when she does I won’t ever go there again. In my decades in field service I worked in towns from Aberdeen to Penzance and most towns in between. Half of them you couldn’t pay me to live there. If you don’t like your area don’t waste your energy trying to change it, you’ll be pissing against the wind. Get Mis to bring his van round, load your stuff and depart. Dead easy, instant fix.

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      • You’ll be fine with your imminent move to Barnsley then, JP…I don’t want to hear you whining to the BBC saying “I didn’t realise there would be open fields and clean air when I moved here”.

    • It is Norfolk after all (and I am a resident of said county). Full of fruitcakes. Happisburgh a lovely place. Even better now the caravan park has fallen into the sea.

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    • Thanks for that other link, Geordie T. I read the article and was immediately stumped by the jaw dropping bollocks the BBC reporter chose to write. Here’s the very first sentence:

      “A woman whose bungalow was destroyed by the sea has moved out of her temporary home after losing a planning row.”

      Bungalow destroyed by the sea, huh? How so? Was the bungalow quickly built on the beach at low tide? Did the sea rise up the cliff face and specifically attack the bungalow? Perhaps the sea paid some local JCBs to level the bungalow on its behalf?

      If the sea is going around destroying properties, where will it end?

      The sea commits multiple knife attacks in Londonistan?
      The sea sparks a race riot in Birminghamistan city centre?
      The sea transports illegal violent immigrant criminals to Kent in an attempt to overthrow the country? Oh wait….

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  5. Make use of these places.
    Stack them full of gimmigrants and run a sweep stake on which house tumbles into the sea first.

    All proceeds to victims of dirty foreigners..
    Gary Lineker can host the first episode.

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  6. Concerned about costal erosion, you would think that after almost falling into the sea that she would know everything there is to know and move the fuck inland.

    There is so much to laugh at here but I can’t help feeling sorry for Mrs Cnut or should it be Cunt

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  7. I like Byrony.
    Sees awkward,
    Eccentric, and lives on the side of cliffs like some demented seagull.

    Probably steals chips too.

    Not for me though,
    Coastal living.
    That saltwater rots everything
    And its always windy as fuck.
    Blowing sand at you,
    Its rubbish.

    Reply ↓

    • ” once the roof had fallen in it was no longer a home..”
      Yeah, see your point
      Call me fussy but I like a roof on a structure too.

      Prefer 4 wall too, but not strictly necessary.
      Im quirky like that.

      Reply ↓

  8. Bryony sounds a bit gormless. Oh, wait,, Norfolk. I seem to remember they had a singing postman.

    Bryony should think herself lucky her house hasn’t collapsed into Stephen Fry’s gaping arsehole.

    Good morning, everyone.

    Reply ↓

    • Thanks mate the image your comment has generated in my pretty well fucked up brain is stupendous, the dirty old bastard Fry bending over at the bottom of the cliff quick release pants round his ankles hands parting, fuck me horrible to horrible to continue, must have a chat with a publishing friend

      Reply ↓

  10. Literally living life on the edge.

    At taxpayers expense.

    Just like the Prime Minister.

    Cunts.

    Good morning.

    Reply ↓

      • A fine observation, learned doctor. Napoleon’s planned invasion force stood at 150,000 to 200,000 men and in 1940 Hitler thought he could pull it off with an initial force of 90,000 to 100,000.

        Without firing a shot these malingering cancers on civilisation have achieved what Austria’s and Corsica’s finest could only dream of and, wet bastards that we are, we’ve paid the cunts for the privilege.

        If ever a popular uprising or even temporary martial law were required it is now.

        “Aux armes, citoyens!”, as La Marseillaise goes.

  13. Her reason for staying ought to be printed, framed and hung in every classroom in the country to teach children the definition of a blatant lie. She, also, should be hung below the cliffs before a spring tide. Like the king of old, she is-a-Cnut.

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  14. I rarely click on BBC links in case they try and charge me their ‘licence fee’, which I haven’t paid for 10 years.

    But,

    That’s a man, baby!

    Probably votes Green.

    Hope it gets what it votes for, right up it’s indeterminate orifice.

    Reply ↓

  15. No one likes a whiner, Bryony.

    Yeah ok, not everyone is as loaded as Barry Obama and his husband who brought a $12m house on the coast in Martha’s Vineyard despite it being vulnerable to climate change.

    He can simply move to another one of his homes in Chicago or Hawaii. See? Not mithering the local council demanding this and demading that. Who do you think you are?

    Reply ↓

  16. Parkinson’s sufferer shakin Stevens had an old house.
    But he was to busy singing to bother with any repairs..

    I imagine it’s fallen down by now,with his money he should of got a man in. At least to change the colour of that door.

    Reply ↓

  17. Silly old bag, deserves to be pecked to death by a flock of Norfolk seagulls.

    If not pecked to death, the squawking, shitting cunts should at least have a go at stealing her lunch and showering her with fist sized balls of shit.

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  18. The colony of grey seals that live in Bryony’s bungalow now aren’t terribly impressed. They don’t think much to the flock wallpaper in the lounge, the sofa is lumpy, the clock in the hall doesn’t work and she didn’t even leave them any fish in the fridge.

    The tight-fisted old bitch.

    Reply ↓

  19. She’s like the demented granny of Worzel Gummidge.

    The much loved late 70s ITV version, of course.
    Not the creepy woke treeswinger crammed BBC shite.

    Reply ↓

  21. Parts of the East coast of England have been eroding quicker than Starmers creditably since the end of the last fucking ice age. Anyone who purchases an East coast cliff edge house is barkin

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  22. We used to be part of mainland Europe.
    But with lovely coastal erosion an sea levels rising we broke free of their greasy grip like a tart fleeing a abusive boyfriend.

    Some of our ancestors celebrated.
    Others whined, and wanted to still be shackled to the European mainland.
    This was seen by them as a curse by the Gods
    And they settled around the Thames valley and sulked forever.
    Those who were glad at escaping ventured North and were happy.

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  23. Bryony is obviously a mental. If she was living in China she would be one of those toothless peasants still living in a nail house while a massvie construction project was built around it like this one.

    wiki

    I have a grudging respect for the stubborn bastard Ms. Wu.

    Reply ↓

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