Cunts who are slow to react when traffic lights turn green.

Bear with me for a moment…. When a train pulls out of a station,the last carriage has travelled the same distance as the first carriage. This doesn’t happen with a queue of cars.

If you happen to be in Plymouth when the lights change , there is a considerable delay between the first car passing through and the second car. God help you if you’re the third car because the lights will have already turned red.

This is a phenomenon that occurs at every traffic intersection in the city.
Why? You have to appreciate the thought processes that occur.

First driver in queue: “Duh the loight ‘as gone green….duz thaat mean that us can move forward?”

The second car in the queue, after a delay of sixty seconds , says “ the carr in frunt az started moovin, duz thaat mean us is allowed to go as well.?”

Hence the maximum number of vehicles that manage to get through a green light is 2.

It’s no use pressing your horn because their hearing has been damaged due to excessive masturbation that they can’t hear you.

Fuck off you inbred cretins.

Nominated by: cuntator

Remember the infamous Albert Goldman book ‘The Lives of John Lennon’?
(Nope – NA)

Goldman portrayed Lennon and his wife, Yoko Fucking Ono, as what they really were. High maintenance freaks, hypocrites and basically cunts of the highest order.

The outrage and indignation from Beatles fans, Lennon apologists and professional Scousers was like a tidal wave. And Lennon (and Fucking Ono) were painted like they were two heroes.

Now, this shit is happening all over again. Biographer Philip Norman has just put out a book about George Harrison.

Now, Norman (great name) upset and offended Beatle geeks years ago. He wrote an obituary for Harrison when he died in 2001. Which basically said George was a miserable cunt who always complained about his ‘lot’ as a Beatle. Norman also wrote about Harrison being a serial shagger, including his mate – Ringo Starr’s – first wife.

All true, but the fans went divvy, Calling Norman’s obit ‘drivel’ and ‘outrageous’. I read it and personally saw nothing wrong with it. But Norman is getting this stick again because his book tells us about how Harrison was a cunt to his first wife Pattie Boyd (Boyd confirms this), and how he also cheated on his second wife with hookers (McCartney all but confirmed this in Scorcese’s Harrison film). Harrison is also portrayed as misanthropic and paranoid. Even when McCartney and (mostly) Lennon tried to give him a leg up or compliment him (like the 1969 ‘Something’ as an A Side), he always saw wrong in it or it was too little too late. Norman also states that Harrison was not a great guitarist, singer, or writer. And Geoff Emerick (Beatles engineer and assistant to George Martin) said the same thing a while back. And, of course loony fans rounded on Emerick, just like they are doing now with Norman.

Nothing outrageous or new has been said in Norman’s book. But like the Goldman tome about Lennon, Beatles apologists are up in arms and ranting about how Harrison was as good as Clapton and Page as a guitarist (he wasn’t) and making out he was like Gandhii in a rock band.

And Gandhi was a cunt anyway.

https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/134696221
And here is the obituary that ‘offended’ so many Beatle fancunts.

Harrison Obituary Link.

Nominated by : Norman

As a cricket fan, I was happy to hear that Andrew ‘Freddie’ Flintoff had recovered from a crash when filming Top Gear.

However, it seems the BBC are now paying him 9 million or so in compo if this article is correct.

The BBC are quick to tell you it won’t be funded by the licence fee, but from ‘BBC Studios, a commercial arm of the broadcaster.’

What crap! Anything the BBC sells on is from money generated by the licence fee. Sold a few Dad’s Army videos? Sold ‘The Crown’ to the Yanks?

Yeah, where did the money for those series come from, you cheeky fucks!?

And anyway, if you choose to fly around a race track for a job, despite not being a professional racing/stunt driver, how the fuck can it be right to claim millions in compo from old ladies on state pension because you crashed? Do the BBC not get waivers signed?

What next, boxers getting compo for getting knocked out?

In saying that, hope Flintoff is ok, those facial injuries look nasty.

BBC News Link

Nominated by: Cuntybollocks

Shock, horror, I’m devastated and distraught that Holly Chipmunk Cheeks has quit her job!

Whatever will I do without her blatantly insincere expressions of shock or horror to guide me towards the appropriate response to whatever she’s reporting on.

How can I ever forget her relentless campaigning against climate change as she bravely boarded that helicopter that whizzed her to and from Glastonbury.

BBC News

Her and Carol Voldemort are poured out from the same mould. Has anyone ever seen them in the same room?

Nominated by: Jeezum Priest

I guess we all want to live forever. The concept of dying only really appears on our radar once we reach into our late 60s, early 70s (through natural causes obviously).

Of course our lifestyle plays a big part in our longevity – if you eat junk food, drink booze, smoke and never get off your arse 24/7 then chances are you’ll croak it at a much earlier time of life. (although this isn’t always an exact science.)

However, when I see people in their 80s and 90s, suffering in most cases with physical and/or mental diseases, idling ones’s time in a care home with nothing tangible to do, it makes me think that living to a grand old age seems pretty pointless if all that’s going to happen is you gradually wasting away until the Grim Reaper (or Annaliese Dodds, whichever is the more frightening), tells you your time is up and the lights go out for good!

Doctors and nutritionists bang on about keeping to a healthy lifestyle for a longer life. But quite frankly the way things are with this country and the world at large, I take an opposing view – enjoy life, do/eat/drink what the fuck you want at a young-ish age and then hope for an early death!

Now that I’m in my late 50s I’ve enjoyed/accomplished many things, but I really don’t want to stick around into my 80s and 90s for the reasons mentioned above. More so if I get stacked up with cancers, aneurysms, blindness, Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s  and a shedload of the diseases. Fuck that!

Time to enjoy life while I still can. And if that means drinking loads of booze or eating very agreeable takeaways then so be it.

You only have one life – enjoy it while you can.

Nominated by Technocunt.