Comediennes

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Who fucking decided Women should be allowed out of the kitchen?
And who the fuck thought that Women could do ‘comedy’?

They are all the fucking same, unfunny misandrists who all base their routines of that fat old pig Jo Brand, Sara Pascoe, Roisin Conaty, Jenny Eclair, Ronni Ancona, Andi Osho, & of course Sarah Millican
Not a funny witticism, joke or even mildly amusing anecdote from any of them.

If I was Jo Brand I would sue Sarah Millican for plagiarism!

Millican is the Peter Kay of the comedy scene, the same 3 jokes & routine for the last 15 years and they have the cheek to release the same DVD every year but the Plebs go buy it like fucking sheep!

Nominated by: Comedy Dave

Twatman and Robin’

osborne fox

Bugger me, now we start to see the true cut orf the jib orf the first outright Tory majority government for twenty three years. True blue at last? All I see is a red mist rising. Democracy? Under Cameron and Osborne we have a job share dictatorship. There is no cabinet government, just a secret stitch-up by two silver spoon lower ranks cunts. Duncan Smith’s frenzied self abuse during the announcement orf the Minimum Wage by Osborne was evidently a genuine reaction because it was news to him and the rest orf the Government tossers. Shot Labour’s prize fox with that move no doubt but I have absolutely no intention orf paying the inbred deviants that toil upon my a land a ha’penny more. Would destroy at a stroke a delicate rural economy that has relied for generations upon dependency and exploitation.

Inland Revenue given the strongest powers in the Western World to go and directly plunder the bank accounts orf honest hard working punters whom they allege owe a spot orf back tax. Despite massive trails that they would scupper this, the cunts have unleashed the overpaid blood suckers orf the bastard BBC. Any poor old bugger omitting to pay the draconian licence fee for the 24 hour unmitigated shite that passes for alleged programming these days will be committing a criminal offence and clapped up in the chokey at a time when prison suicides and assaults have reached an all time high due to tight arse Osborne’s cutbacks. Must declare me interest here, have never paid this despicable tax upon the culture orf the nation and at my age this has been legal for a good few years.

Once again the shite arsed SNP have proved to be first rate cunts representing a third rate race and shot me fucking fox. Cameron had been forced by his rural constituency to introduce a dodge whereby hunting returns to the countryside (not that it ever really left you bleeding heart liberal cunts) only for the Quisling cunt to lose his bottle in double quick time and withdraw the bill amendment in the face orf the SNP threatening to vote against the proposition which applied to England only. “English Votes for English Laws!” There’s more prospect of yours truly shagging Prince Charlie’s missus that that ever happening.

For the avoidance orf doubt let me state that your humble servant does not ride to hounds. Me old arse is now grown too heavy in the saddle and what with me haemorrhoids….takes a younger man.
Make no qualms about the sport. Spot orf bloodlust and savagery has been an Englishman’s birth right for many generations. Pleasure to watch a pair orf well trained hounds in action. Once the terrier men have flushed oit old Reynard, lead hound will nip in and grab his nose while number two takes a good old grip orf his bollocks. Then they do their best to pull foxy apart while some orf the older dogs come in and rip oit his guts. Don’t ‘alf steam on a cold and frosty morning. Blood spattered all over and old Reynard still making a game orf it. Old Reynard does himself no favours screaming away, only gets the dogs blood up. In come the terrier men and despatch him with a few whacks orf their shovels while the dogs finish pulling him apart. Then I like to get in and cut oit his liver before any other bugger gets to it.

Foxes liver? Highly prized in our circles. Dried and powdered down makes a profoundly effective laxative. Many is the cunt that has wandered in to our parts and been offered an extra topping orn his pizza in the pub. Half the village will look on waiting for the outsider cunt to erupt in a monstrous Vesuvius orf shite. Who would deny us our simple country pleasures?

Also you bleeding heart liberal cunts fail to appreciate the social function orf the occasion. The terrier men would be doing life in Strangeways if it were not for the distraction and gainful employ afforded by the hunt.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

The third runway

heathrow-runway

So the government will ‘Study carefully” the recent report into extra airport capacity that recommends a third runway at Heathrow…

No careful study required Mr Cameron. Surely you recall that cast iron promise YOU made three years ago… ”No ifs, no buts, there will be no third runway at Heathrow”…Or is that like the promise the Lib Dems made on tuition fees?

How do you know when a politician is lying?…You can see their lips move.

How do you know if a politician is a cunt?…They’re a politician.

Nominated by: Fleaboy

Abdul Hakim

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Today I’m nominating Thomas Evans, aka Abdul Hakim, aka dead terrorist. Yes, Evans is one of two “British” terrorists who sent the media into a frenzy last week by dying in two separate terrorist attacks. Evans died in Kenya. He was shot dead whilst attacking a Kenyan army post with Al Shabaab. An attack in which, apparently, Evans was second in command.

The other one, who’s name I’ve forgotten, was a paki (yes, I did just use that word, and I don’t give a fuck) from Dewsbury who died carrying out a homicide bomb attack in Iraq that unfortunately killed several innocent people. Naturally, his friends and family were completely mystified as to how this “quiet, good, decent, hard working, blah blah blah” boy could have become a terrorism. Honest ‘guv, they never knew nothing about him being radicalised.

Evans though, was a white convert. Apparently he’d been showing signs of radicalisation for some time, according to his mother. Presumably, the biggest sign was his conversion to the religion of mental illness. In fact, his mother had become so concerned by his behaviour, which included him growing a ridiculous looking beard, that she contacted the police. He’d even tried to get his mother and brother to convert to Islam. Otherwise they would “burn in hell”.

Ironically a couple of hours earlier, the prick who led the attack was videoed boasting about how hard they were, “we are lions”, etc. He also claimed that the Kenyans were terrified of Al Shabaab, and were “crying like babies”. Unfortunately for Evans, and a lot of the other terrorist scum, the Kenyan army didn’t get that memo. There was also film of Evans/Hakim celebrating with other terrorists prior to the attack. There was lots of jollity and “Allahu Ackbar”, which if my memory of Arabic is correct roughly translates as, “Allah takes it up the shit chute”. The best video though, was shot by Evans himself. It was taken by his body cam. And shows him getting shot dead.

Naturally, his mother and brother are distraught over his death. They in no way condone his acts of terrorism, which by all accounts were many, and included the murders of a lot of innocent men, women and children. Few others though will shed a tear over the death of a terrorist and a traitor. I did find myself asking one question though. If one family of a terrorist could see that something was seriously wrong, and be concerned enough to inform the police, why couldn’t the other family? Especially since the other family were all born muslims and therefore even more likely to spot that something was wrong.

Anyway. I think it’s safe to say that as we speak, the 17 year old paki, and Evans/Hakim are, at this very moment, down in hell, choking on the dongs of demons.

Nominated by: Quick Draw McGraw

Blur

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I hate Blur. Every fibre in my body is anti Blur. There isn’t a song that I’ve heard that is even remotely good. Oasis are genuises compared to Blur and thats not saying much because they have done some pretty shite stuff.

I also have convinced myself that their brother vs. brother fued is somewhat of a scam,can’t tell anymore. Gorrilaz are really shite too I can’t believe they have made millions over it, who buys this shit? This form of corruption in the music industry encourages bad/no talent and bravado.

Also they have upped prices on Cd’s and vinyl as a way to combat piracy. What a load of shite.

Nominated by: Titslapper