A mug of tea, proper mans drink. C.A.
It’s mid-morning. You’re driving to wherever you need to go next. Your tummy rumbles, so you think “OK, I’ll shove a pasty in it”.
You spot a Gregg’s and think “Yeah, a square of pastry-encased shit will do for now”. You have a window of about 5 minutes to get to where you need to be next.
You park up and in you go, and there they are. Four or five orange-vested, lesser spotted actually working Apes at the counter, all buying MSG-baked fare, but with a twist – they all want ‘coffees’ with the cardboard food substitute they’re buying.
“Can I get 27 steak bakes and 300 Latte’s love”
“Can I get” automatically qualifies them for Oven.
“Latte’s” is a poove’s drink.
You reach work 25 minutes late because of these absolute cunts that have been conditioned to think it’s normal life to go back and forth to work whilst ordering ‘coffee’ from shitty places in between.
Fuck the neanderthal cunts.
Nominated by WokeUpTodayAndRealisedWhatACuntIAm.
I’m firmly convinced this modern obsession with expensive “to go” coffee is the main reason our nation is in the shitter..
Oh no,wait…its the Uniparty.
And wógs.
Anyway,whatever the reason,carting around a bucket sized container of coffee that costs a fortune and contains more sugar than a crate of Mars Bars is the mark of an outright cunt.
Probably Liberal Democrats to boot.
Mellow Birds Oven.
Good morning.
7
Real working men drink tea.
Simple as that.
Do you think we would have won at Alamein, fuelled by a woofters drink?
Like fuck!
Most tank crews would brew up mid battle (and I don’t mean being hit by an 88mm shell).
Fritz couldn’t handle a tea induced lubbocking.
And as for the Italians, they started all this effete coffee business, and they shit their pants and surrendered in droves.
I rest my case.
7
That said, some other Mediterranean countries do it right.
Ask for a latte in Greece and you’re likely to get deported.
Strong, black and slightly syrupy, Greek coffee will have the uninitiated buzzing their tits off.
4
Bravo Field Marshal.
It’s also worth a bet that the Royal Engineers didn’t charge £300 an hour to change a washer either.
1
As an older man I remember with affection Round The Horne (1965-1968) and their version of Peter Kyle and Wes Streeting – Julian & Sandy. They often spoke about their “latty” (lattee?). “Bona Latties” – as garden experts Jule and Sand would offer to “put some creepers up your trellis, duckie”. Home and Lattie.
What pisses me off even more (those blokes in their orange jackets tend to work hard in difficult conditions and in freezing cold or boiling heat), are these old bags and young twats still wearing that back pack they used to wear to school, getting on the bus with a large silver jug of coffee like a modern Thermos flask. I’d be dying for a piss if I drunk that amount in one sitting.. Even then, things are a bit better – a few years ago they would have whipped their “Harry Potter” books out of their satchel.
Perhaps I am getting soft in my old age but at least “can I get” sounds more friendly than the old “give me a……” demand, beloved even today by Karen’s everywhere of both sexes.
4
Fuck me, you’ve droned on a bit there, WC. Worse than Rambling Sid – and he could ramble. I’ve got the CD.
Joking apart, I’m with you on the can’t be seen dead without a scalding samovar of coffee cunts. Just as bad are the wankers who can’t function in the urban outdoors without an overly conspicuous bottle of overpriced spring water. They wouldn’t even know a cold water tap if they fell over one.
2
Im drinking an espresso while reading this.. yeah latte’s are for people that don’t like the taste of coffee. Like putting lemonade in your beer.
But tea has more gay flavours than pride month in Brighton..
Chamomile,Hibiscus,Peppermintwhat the actual fuck..
All picked by Indians that shit in the street.
7
Those nancy infusions shouldn’t be sold as tea if, as is often the case, they don’t contain tea leaves.
How they are allowed to market it as such is beyond me.
3
The popularity of teabags baffles me Field Marshal. When they were introduced everyone noticed pretty quickly that they were produced in order to move poor quality tea, if you opened one the contents resembled the dust which would previously have been swept up on the warehouse floor. I was reminded of those days recently when watching an old episode of “The Likely Lads” where someone apologised for the tea only being from teabags. Apart from that when you’ve drunk the tea you have a nasty little soggy bag to dispose of whereas spent, wet tea leaves just go down the sink.
3
Indeed, Arfur.
I remember my old man bemoaning the demise of proper loose tea.
Mums response was ‘make it your fucking self then’, which he wouldn’t have dreamt of.
And the day she bought decaffeinated by mistake was fucking hilarious.
I’d never heard language like it.
3
When I was working I practically lived on coffee. I wouldn’t have delayed you though WokeUp since I almost never paid for it. I always begged it off the customers. Except if I was at MacDonalds. Their coffee tasted as if they’d syphoned it out of the U-bend yesterday.
2
Those p.g. tips monkeys 🐵 knew the score 😩…not a brew if you can’t stand your 🥄 in it 👍…mochachitto frothy caramelised piss at work 🧐…a proper navvie would cave your skull in with his …you dig 👊
1
They are only aping that old cunt on NCIS. Apparently NCIS is Theresa May’s favourite telly programme. I imagine Theresa May mainly drinks blood down in her torture dungeon.
2
Adolf Hitler preferred tea, apparently, which should bracket him as a ‘proper chap’.
But then again, he was ultimately responsible for blowing in my grandparents windows and leaving them with a fucking great big crack in the side of their house.
The cunt!
3
I would blame Hermann Goring, the fat cunt.
4
It was doodlebug in ‘44, Twenty.
Not sure if Herman was responsible for that, but we’ll blame him anyway.
He probably enjoyed a latte.
2
The only way I know is carrying fruit around with me. Quenches the thirst and appetite without mingling with annoying cunts.
2