Joanna Lumley [2]

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Joanna Lumley, fackin’ useless actress who only seems capable of playing fuckwitted “posh-totty” rôles (because it takes no effort from her…more ham than yer local pork-butcher’s) is bum-chummy with Boris.

60 million quid for some noncey floral bridge over the Thames (only ten bridges in 2 miles already, it seems).

A nomination for all three categories please – cunting, dead cunts and the shit bucket. She’s a disgrace to her regiment, what??!

Nominated by: HBelindaHubbard

The Times

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The Times is a biased, duplicitous cunt.

When J Edgar Murdoch, ubercunt, bought it in 1981 he had to promise it would remain politically neutral to meet the requirements of the Monopolies and Mergers Commission. He’s been chipping away at this ever since until it’s just a mouthpiece, or arsehole, for Murdoch’s schemes to influence HMG, from Major, Blair and Brown through to Cameron. Nearly all of his main columnists have connections to the Conservative party so Murdoch has no problem when he wants to dis any threats to them. The latest case is UKIP (and yes, I am kipper – a cunt first, but then a kipper). When UKIP was in danger of eating into the tory vote in the 2014/15 elections the times tories went into anti-UKIP overdrive.

The recent story, Thursday 11th, about dodgy UKIP candidates was a front page lead in the Times with a double page spread inside, seemed a bit OTT to me when I read it, i.e. too much coverage of a pretty minor story, I mean it’s not exactly news that UKIP have had a few oddballs representing them in the past.

This pisses me off no end as I’ve been reading the Times since 1988 and I thought the paper was reasonably balanced, even if it always came down on the side of the Tories at election time. This didn’t bother me much as back then, in fact up until this year I’d always voted Green or Lib-Dem (anyone but Tory or Labour, 2 cheeks of the same rancid arsehole – I forget who I nicked the analogy from). Over the last year or so, since retiring, I’ve started to take a bit more interest in politics, current affairs etc and I’ve seen how biased the rag has become (now I can compare then stories against other sources on-lone and TV news, i.e. pro-US, pro-EU, anti-UKIP, pro-Turkey and Saudi Arabia, anti-Russian, demonising of Corbyn, oh and I forgot pro-Cameron and the “new” tories.

As a newspaper of “record” it’s become a fucking disgrace.

I’d better cunt myself for being a hypocrite as I still buy the rag occasionally.

Nominated by: Frottom

John Beggs QC

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John Beggs QC is a despicable CUNT.

He’s representing Surrey plod over their total fuck-up in investigating the 4 army cadet deaths / murders / suicides at Deepcut between 1995 and 2002. The father of one the victims has been trying to get to the truth since 1995, whilst the establishment (courts / plod, MOD etc) have lied, obfuscated, obstructed and covered up. The girl apparently shot herself in the forehead with a rifle but plod lost the bullet within 24 hours and allowed the clothes/uniform she was wearing to be burnt, i.e. lose all the forensic evidence.

At the latest inquest / inquiry whatever, CUNTY Beggs had a go at the dead girls dad for “pestering” Surrey police and distracting them from the Milly Dowler invetstigation. I think the coroner/whatever mildly rebuked him and told him to move on with his questioning, but what a mammoth CUNT.

Nominated by: Frottom

Tilda Swinton

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Tilda Swinton deserves a damn good cunting.

I detest actors who take themselves and their profession too seriously but she’s so far up her own arse she can watch you from behind her rat-face teeth.

Her nude scenes in The War Zone after having just given birth to twins have to be amongst the most distressing I’ve ever endured, and acting in a film with fellow up-his-own-arse cuntflap Ray Winstone is particularly unforgiveable.

This may have been forgotten but I recently watched a load of pretentious Italian cuntspittle called I Am Love starring guess who. In an interview about the film she used the word “milieu” about 15 times which caused my blood pressure to rise to stroke levels.

I managed to recover from that too but then read this interview on the BBC yesterday regarding her silent role in her latest wopfest of self-indulgence: “It was a time in my life when, for personal reasons, I was all out of words; I didn’t want to say anything,” Swinton elaborates. “I wanted to do the film though, and this was the only way I could make it happen.”

Just reading this self-indulgent tripe while I copied it has put me off my pancakes.

The best role for her would be in a documentary about an actress drowning in a boating accident on Lake Como or being blown up by an ISIS toddler.

Nominated by: Galted Asas

Donald Trump [2]

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Donald Trump is a cunt.

The reasons are self-evident. I could spray paint a piece of dog shit orange, draw an angry face on one side, stick a red toupe on the top, and it would look exactly like him, only better. And at least it would just sit there and stink, rather than stinking and making noise.

If he wins, I’m going to start a petition here in the US to become a British colony again, because clearly we’re not up to the task of self-government.

Nominated by: Dismayed American

(We don’t want you back! Ed.)