Author Archives: A Cunt Who Cunts Cunts

Chloe Madeley

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Chloe Madeley urgently requires cunting for the following reason (I am quoting a probable serial killer though I wish I could’ve put it so succinctly):

“My new target for cunting is Chloe Madeley….sick to death of her posting selfies of her gym honed body whilst claiming that she’s not bothered what people think about her. Right love, course you’re not. Your dumb alcoholic mother made a crass statement re Ched Evans which resulted in stupid cunts making horrific comments about you and you’ve also been the victim of cruel jibes about you appearance after appearing on Dancing on Ice or some other show. However, rather than accept the fact that you’re an attractive and NORMALLY PROPORTIONED young women with a great many more advantages than a lot of people, you’ve decided to let the taunts of a bunch of cunts force you to undergo a grueling fitness regime, which despite its results does nothing more than remind you everyday that bastards have forced you to the gym again rather than you deciding to live a normal life and ignore them.”

So please give Chloe Madeley a cunting and save me from ending up in various suitcases in various canals.

Nominated by: Galted Asus

Chugging

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Have we cunted chuggers yet? What a bunch of fawning bullshitters, I fucking loathe them blocking my high street with their stupid jackets and brollies.

I have a different tactic now. After the initial ‘got a minute’ salutation I say yes and get the phone out with a one minute timer on it. They looked a bit put out when it pings and I fuck off.

Best to do it when there are a few vulnerable grannies around to make sure the robdogs don’t fleece them of their inheritance. Cunts.

Nominated by: Arsebiscuit

Renee Zellwegger

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On the subject of actor cunts, Renee Zellwegger desreves a major cunting….

An old contact of mine (a bit of a nerd, but a harmless, nice kid) met Zellwegger in London… Said person loved that Bridget Jones shite and she politely said to Zellwegger ‘Hello, I’m a huge fan…’ The ugly, spoilt, talentless fat bitch rolled her eyes to the sky, as if to say ‘Not again’ and fucked off without saying a word…

I personally wouldn’t waste time throwing my own shit at Renee Zellwegger… She’s an up her own twat cunt and a one trick pony (except she is fatter and uglier than a pony)… With yet another Bridget Jones load of shite about to be released… Get out the red wine and chocolates, all chick flick cunts out there…

Nominated by: Norman

Benedict Cumberbatch [2]

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Let’s put Cumbercunt at the top of the cunt list for being a complete arsehole of a privileged molly coddled dorm fagging twat.

Instead of being in character he uses every stage opportunity to harangue his paying bunch of fawning worshippers on subjects he thinks are fashionable and will get him twatted on social meedjia, just play the fucking Dane and fuck off back to the green room.

How the fuck he finds time to act is a mystery. His life appears to be taken up supporting fringe charities, mindfulness and whinging on about trying to avoid awkward questions about his public school knob gazing.

This quote sums the self-obsessed cunt up perfectly – “It taught me that you come into this world as you leave it, on your own. It’s made me want to live a life less ordinary.” , said after he’d been abducted in Sarf Africa. Seems like he doesn’t follow his own shitty mantras, the cunt.

Nominated by: Arsebiscuit