Author Archives: A Cunt Who Cunts Cunts

Naked Attraction

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nakedattraction

Bugger me (or not as the case may be) but yours truly has always regarded himself as a broad minded old cunt – minor public school, obligatory few terms at Eton before being sacked under a cloud then a decade or two tasting the fleshpots orf Europe and the Middle East before assuming the poisoned chalice orf inheritance, matrimony, progeny, stately home and servants. In short a well rounded old aristo who has seen it all and done most orf it.

But bugger me this telly fuckdoodle now orn Channel 4. Always been orf the belief that one lets the lower classes get orf as they are so inclined, keep a cap orn it so to speak so lorng as it is in private donchaknow. Really beyond the pale. Turns oit the host, one Anna Richardson is strapping orn the dildo for her ever loving partner and favourite orf this blog, Sue Perkins. More C4 crapdoodle necessarily follows. This “dating” show is played oit full frontal and full Brazillian (brings the tears to me eyes), and correct, not a pube to be seen (had a look at a 4K set in Curry’s just to be sure).

So full C4 then. Cut cunts and cock eyed cocks. Naked dykes and trannies, paraplegics and wooftahs, hairy marys and skins, the inked, the filed and clipped, all orf the rainbow nation orn display and looking for love orn HD TV. As we said in the ’60s. Let it all hang oit. A lot orf dangling. Fancy some horse radish on your beef ma’m?

Indeed me only complaint is that not all orf yours truly’s proclivities seem to be catered for. Must keep watching I suppose.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

Plumbers

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Plumbers deserve a cunting.

Just had one round today because the bath is really slow to drain, after him sucking in breath through his teeth he tells me I need the trap replacing and the pipe ‘snaked’ to clear the blockage causing the slow draining.

OK, I say, just do it, it needs to be done.

Straight away he comes back, it’s a certain type of trap which I need to go and get from the suppliers. Almost an hour later he comes back with the trap, he rips the old trap out, snakes the pipe clearing any blockage and finally fits the new trap.

Overall, 2.5 hours (1 hour sourcing the trap, cost of £8.20+VAT = under £10) and I get hit with a bill for £138.40.

Fuck me, being a plumber is a license to print money

Nominated by: Boaby

Nicola Sturgeon [10]

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nicola-sturgeon

Sturgeon’s off again and warrants another nomination. The Scottish Government (aka SNP) has today published a paper predicting Scottish GDP to be between £1.7bn and £11.2bn per year lower by 2030 as a result of Brexit. It is based on a whole load of studies carried out by the Project Fear brigade before the referendum that only a cunt would still believe in.

Here’s an idea to boost GDP, Crankie – how about stop whining and go and get some trade deals? How about make Scotland more attractive to inward investment by resigning? How about reversing the decline in Scotland’s educational system since the SNP got into power? How about reducing public sector jobs in favour of private sector jobs? And how about accepting that we voted as the UK and the result, therefore, applies equally to all parts of the UK?

Hard to let go of the teat though, eh?

Nominated by: Harry Axwound

Owen Smith [3]

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Another Labour cunt is Owen Smith.

Another regressive lefty cunt making pronouncements about women making up 50% of the shadow cabinet. Fuck off with this shit, pick people on their merits you cunt, not their genitalia. We don’t need politician cunts who have been chosen becuase they’re cunts with cunts.

You cunt.

Nominated by: Chris Horner

Sun Life

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I’d like to cunt Sun Life insurance or at least its ads.
“Just love parky and his famous pen”

Well you bunch of cunts at Sunlife & your cuntish ad agency, ‘Parky’ or Michael Parkinson was actually famous for being a sports (mostly cricket) journalist, yes truly a cuntish profession but that’s how he became well known. He then of course became world famous as chat show host, his favourite guest being Billy Connolly (the unfunny cunt) who was on every fucking week. He was not famous for a throw away worthless (£9.99RRP – Ha) fucking pen for applying for some positively rip off & completely useless insurance.

And who the fuck is that old Grannie that’s on every ad playing an old Grannie – what a cunt – I can only be smug in the fact that at least she’ll be dead soon – the cunt.

Nominated by: Empeef