Author Archives: A Cunt Who Cunts Cunts

Fleas

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adultflea

Delights orf a little heatwave in rural England. Time for the fucking fleas to hatch oit and swarm up a chap’s troisser legs and this year brave hearts they are enormous and in quantities prodigeous. A few fleas usually never bother Yours Truly but the other night as the girl was giving me me good night kiss she complained aboit fleas in me foreskin. Suckus interruptus.

Mind you she has a point. The buggers do seem larger than ever and thriving orn most known poisons. Walking acrorss me land I get accustomed to armies orf ’em running up and doine the crack orf me arse but the tender sensibilities orf the fairer sex…There was a time when all I needed to sweep a filly orf her feet was a dab orf Aramis. Now all I can look forward to is a spot orf sheep dip and bed.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

Nicola Sturgeon [9]

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I’m allergic to a certain Scotish politician. I would name her but even typing out her name brings me out in a nasty rash. Seeing her bulldog liking piss off a nettle face makes me projectile vomit and even short exposure to her whine of a voice could put me in a comma. I’m only greatfull I’m unlikely to have to smell it as that would mean instant death.

Sky news need to be cunted on two counts. Firstly for giving the poisonous little cunt so much coverage. Anyone would think it is an influential world figure, it is not! It actually represents fewer people than the mayor of London. Secondly they need to warn viewers when they are going to show it onscreen like they do when there is something potentially upsetting or flash photgraphy. This is a serious medical condition and I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who has to struggle through life under such a burden.

Nominated by: Skidmark Eggfart

Angelina Jolie [2]

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Angelina Jolie is a real cunt. Ambassador of the UN my arse – she keeps buying these african babies so she can say how holy she is for having moral fibre .

Its phoney celebrity cunts like this I can’t stand. I just really hate people like her, and Brangelina (godzilla hybrid maybe?) saying they aren’t going marry until gay marriage is legalised. Fuck off Jolie you dumb attention whore! No-one cares.

Nominated by: Titslapper

Notting Hill Carnival

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Crowds Flock To Notting Hill For 2011 Carnival

How about a half time cunting of the Notting hill carnival!
I’ll keep it brief:

Today is children’s day.
A special day for the kids to come down and enjoy the friendly Afro Caribbean culture.

So in honour of that, the crime ridden cunts have kept it clean:
As of 21.30 hrs on Sunday evening:

71 arrests
20 knives seized
4 stabbings
1 looking like its gonna be a murder.

You get that many of them in one place at one time and you don’t get any prizes for guessing the outcome.

Cunts.

Nominated by: Lord Ferrigno

Storm chasers

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PAY-Couple-hit-by-wave-in-Cornwall

I’d like to nominate the people swept out to sea this week for a cunting. What did people tell you about climbing cliffs when the sea is rough due to high winds? Don’t do it. Did you listen? No. Are you dead? Yes. Do I have any sympathy? No.

Give these cunts a Darwin Award.

Nominated by: Chris Horner

Cunts who go swimming in the sea when there’s flags up saying don’t go in the water.
There’s plod on a loud speaker telling you not to go in the water.
There’s cunts getting dragged out of it left right and centre at deaths door.

Yet there’s still half brained cunts who decide to jump right in and make the best of it!

It’s Darwinism in its purest form if you ask me.
Too stupid to live…let them drown.

Nominated by: Lord Ferrigno