Superhero films are shit, aren’t they?
Oh look, another film with people who can fly and become invisible and women who are just as strong as men, actually, and science being twisted and time being travelled so much you end up confused, fatigued, and paralysed by the nonsense of it all while another perfect superhero with an American accent beats the baddie (usually white, often an English accent) in a baffling, nonsensical barrage of noise and computer graphics, brightly-coloured piss from the DC/Marvel abattoir, tiresomely devoid of dama and tediously bereft of humanity.
Why do they continue making these hackneyed cartoons? Who the fuck is paying to watch this predictable, insubstantial dogshit? Is Hollywood now only making films for 15-year old, spotty adolescent virgins? It’s the tat over and over.
Low-brow to the extreme and with paper-thin plots, they seem to be deficient of any purpose other than using special effects to bedazzle you out of ten quid. They have all the substance of a CBBC programme , they have the sophistication of an East-European drug dealer and are about as convincing as Diane Flabbot flogging her Christmas vegan cookbook.
Look, a new actor playing Spiderman…look Batman & Superman fighting someone….look Wonderwoman and Batgirl being tough without looking like muscley, gruesome bulldykes.
What about a superhero who saves England from a demonic bunch of frothing gangsters demanding an unreasonable ransom? How about one that takes on a cult of empty-minded zombie terrorists who believe in a deity that lives in the clouds? Instead we have clichéd, manufactured dross, warmed up for the current generation in ever-developing technology, 4-d cinemas, squirting water, vibrating the seats, continually bombarding you with music and saccharine sentiment to distract you from the absence of quality.
Nominated by Captain Magnanimous
