Glasgee Smile

Nice to see an old 18th Century style orf retribution still orn trend amongst ex-pat villains in Spain. If the geezer is feeling generous you might get the old Newcastle Nod first but wether you wake up orn the beach orn in horspital it will hurt. Now this is not your normal glassing but a De Sade refinement orf same wherebye slits are made in the corners of the mouth and upwards and the punter made to scream by bottling his bolloxs or glassing his arse. Other variations are available. The slits are thus ripped open as the punter opens ‘is mauf.

The genious orf it is a clever brief and a judiciously bribed judge will get the charge doine to a slap orn the wrist, a minor assault rather than GBH. The punter was only given two little nicks and the rest is doine to him. Should ‘ave kept ‘is mauf shut see. Poetic in its way.

Nominated by Sir Limply Stoke

BBC radio religious sermons

BBC radio religious sermons.
I’m stuck in a JCB all day working and listen to the radio to keep me going.
Listening to local stations isn’t an option as they tend to play the same shit ten songs on loop.
I listen to radio 2 mainly and a little of radio 4.
I can just about can put up with the cunty DJ’s although Chris Evans is another cunting.
Having to listen to some religious cunt start telling a story about something that happened to them in the past which always ends with a nice meaningful ending. Jews, peacefulls, Christians and any other religious sect they’d have on to waffle on about shit.
It’s my first cunting and I do really hate them at the beeb forcing this shit down my throat.
CUNTS

Nominated by Twatakincuntrubber

Dogs Against Brexit

An emergency cunting for the league of remoaner tossers who’ve descended on Parliament today, with their yappy little Yorkshire Terriers, Shit Tzus and Bicon Bitches (you made me look those up, you cunts!). I’d love nothing more than to steel toe punt these pathetic little butt sniffing cunts over the horizon, along with their repulsive owners.

Apparently Brexit means less veterinarians and over priced wanky dog toys. Personally I couldn’t give a toss so long as there’s no shortage of doggy bags to keep my local kerbs relatively link free. If all these frivulous novelties get more expensive and less cunts buy these rugby ball sized stanky mutts as a result, then I’m for Brexit even more!

I hope Westminster council saves all the full doggy bags from today and hurls them up on to that cunts ‘Bollocks to Brexit’ sign at Pimlico Plumbers.

Nominated by The Big Chunky Cunty

I Wish to Apologise

My first cunting nomination on here, so go easy on me, cunts!

A day doesn’t go by without reading of some cunt making a complete cunt of himself (and it is mostly men here), by actually speaking his mind in public via social media, and then having to publicly apologise for causing such grave offence to the small-minded fuckwits his comment was not necessarily aimed at but wanted to weigh in anyway because that’s what fuckwits like that tend to do.

Doesn’t matter if they’re in the entertainments industry, sport, politics, trade & commerce etc. just having the temerity of speaking one’s mind on the likes of Twatter or Feacesbook, will usually result in a rapid and very hostile response from the flakiest of snowflakes that will inevitable go viral and will attract the attention of those lazy “social media” journos in our national news media.

Even a fairly innocent comment like “I let my wife make all the cooking decisions!” can be construed in such a way to be deeply sexist, repugnant and of course deeply offensive to the ball-breaking wimminz out there with nothing better to do.

As a consequence, said author must bow down, cut off of what remains of his shriveled bollocks and apologise unreservedly before crawling back into his man-tent never to be seen or heard of in public again.

You can’t even pay someone a compliment without finding yourself in a whirlwind of shit just because the interlocutor took great offence! So don’t bother saying “Your hair looks good!” or “That dress suits you!” or “You look so much better after that diet you completed!” because rather than receiving approval you will invariably face a barrage of bile.

Apologies, are getting far too out of hand these days, and is further testament to the gradual erosion of free speech and the inevitable indoctrination of a thought police-driven way of saying anything in the public arena.
Cunts!
(Sorry for any offence caused with this nomination. But you can fuck off anyway!)

Nominated by NoCuntForOldMen

Vegfest

Here’s one for your diaries.

27/28 October London Olympia.
Vegfest:UK.

A celebration of the “vegan lifestyle “ with 300 stalls, lectures from various up their own arse pontificating cunts and a special section for the “little ones” to “undestand the advantages of healthy eating.”
Fuck me, I wish my old man ( gawd rest his soul ) had taken me to something as exciting as this instead of the fucking football. What a cunt eh?
There’s also live music from two stages. I wonder what vegan music sounds like? I suspect it may be very like the Jesus music I sang along to in Sunday School.

I don’t want to march with the infantry
Ride with the cavalry
Shoot with the ‘tillery
I don’t want to zoom on the enemy………i’m In the LORD’S ARMY!!!

Oh please fuck off.
I’ve got one thing to say to these followers of the new religion…….. you’re going to die anyway cunts! Just accept it and stop shitting yourselves ( literally ) you wankers.

Nominated by Freddie the Frog