When a secular person looks up in the sky, what do they see? Zillions of fucking stars, some of which died billions of years before their dad lost his mess in their mum’s cunt. What does this make them think? “Fuck me, I’m a right insignificant cunt. I’m a tiny speck in a universe that (for all intents and purposes) is infinite. All I can do is the best for those few cunts I meet. Even if I’m the best cunt who ever lived, I’ll soon be forgotten anyway. Still, the universe will go on for billions of years without me, just as it did for billions of years before my dad shot his load.”

When a religious person looks up in the sky, what do they see? Zillions of fucking stars, some of which died billions of years before their dad lost his mess in their mum’s cunt. What does this make them think? “Fuck me, I’m a right important cunt. God created all this just for me. If I have wank, Jupiter will wobble in its orbit. If I vote to let gaylords get married, God will destroy New Orleans. If I let my female relations show their hair, God will fuck me up. Best if I fuck up everything and everyone just to show God I’m on his side.”

I have zero respect for your religion and don’t care what your imaginary friend is going to do to me. This is an equal opportunities cunting and applies to all imaginary friends – Zeus, Thor, Quetzalcoatl, Allah, you are all cunts.

Nominated by: Cunt’s Mate Cunt