Gary Lineker [7]

Gary Lineker gets paid around £1.8 million a year by the BBC, that’s a disgrace!
How is he expected to survive on that? He has to take on extra jobs to make ends meet, advertising Walker’s crisps for god’s sake. it’s about time the BBC got their act together and started paying their star presenters what they’re worth, before they’re lured by rival broadcasters.

Nominated by Allan

The BBC [8]

Emergency cunting for the BBC,
So the cunts have published their ‘Top’ stars earnings (how much they pay the cunts with licence payers money).
I personally don’t give a fuck as I have never and will never pay these cunts a penny (although I do enjoy a few of their programmes) but paying Chris Evans over two million and other ‘Stars’ ridiculous amounts shows the cunts for the cunts they are.
What will happen? People will have a moan and carry on as normal.
Typical of a country full of too many sheep like ‘Do as your told’ cunts.
What a pile of cunt, with a piece of cunt on top.
The cunts.

Nominated by Black and White Cunt

Gwyneth Williams

(Gwyneth Williams is the controller of BBC Radio 4 so I guess directing this rant at her is appropriate)

While we have the BBC in the spotlight I would like to severely cunt the controller of BBC COMEDY on Radio 4. For years I have taken delight in listening to the 6.30 pm comedy even on the long wave if I was out of the country and before internet.
I’m sorry I’ll read that again, Navy Lark etc. All very dated now but nevertheless entertaining at the time. 3 of my favourite programmes that I always and still do follow are Dead Ringers, The News Quiz and of course I’m sorry I havn’t a clue, ISIAC to us oldens. Alas not anymore. I have just listened to the latest offering from ISIAC and quite honestly I felt embarrassed as it seem several members of the audience judging by the old laughometer Nobody could replace Humphrey Lyttleton and I suppose that Jack Dee does make a valiant attempt. The best part of the show is in fact the introduction where the venue and surrounding area are placed under the microscope with the ensuing piss take to follow. The main part of the show has in my opinion gone to the dogs. First Willie Rushton went and died on us, while Tim Brooke- Taylor and Barry Cryer die every week especially now that Graeme Gaerden has mysteriously disappeared. Which brings me seamlessly to the guests which replace these fallen figures. Last week we had the delights of Andy Hamilton and the beautiful bombshell Jo Brand, both with faces perfect for radio! This week it was John Finnemore and the elf like Susan Calman. Calman deserves a cunting chapter of her own although fortunately she did not bring her “wife”or periods up, otherwise I would have brought my dinner up. ISIAC has had its day, as has The News Quiz. Great in the days of Alan Coren, Barry Took, Linda Smith, Armandi Iannucci to name a few. I wasn’t keen on Toksvig as presenter and the episode where Calman and Sue Perkins were on made me lose the will to live. 3 dykes in one show, oh well done BBC. Now we have Miles Jupp and his fucking mates Brigstock Fat Fucker Jupitus, resident jock Fred MacAulay, Cunty Calman, suspect sexuality Jeremy Hardy and that bloke whose name I cannot remember or pronounce but he is always on some chat show or 30 minute comedy Ramakin Marrakesh or sumfink like that. (Good old English name) Briefly Dead Ringers has also become embarrassing, the irony is disappearing and too much politics is replacing it.
One last thing I would like to do the complete opposite of a cunting for my new superhero that I heard of for the first time this week Pat Condell. His views on Brexit, the systematic invasion of the UK, and snowflakes made me warm to him instantly. If this man cannot inspire you there is no hope left. Lets make him Prime Minister. Anyone second that?

Nominated by Billy Cunter

Have I Got News For You. (HIGNFY)

I would like to nominate Al-BBC staple Have I Got News for You for a cunt-therapy session. Therapy for my benefit of course, not fucking theirs.

Not only has this satirical cuntfest gone well past its sell-by date, it has fermented into an unrecognisable, putrid mass in the fridge crisper. Choice vegetables of course in this salad o’shite being Ian Hislop, Paul Merton and whichever liberal elite comedians happen to be out-cunting themselves each week as the ‘guest’ hosts.

Confession time – back in the 90s, I used like this show. I remember Paula Yates and Piers Morgan on respective episodes getting a good old cunting. That Bruce Forsyth terrorist card game was funny. The William Shatner one wasn’t bad. But the show is now just a sorry fucking self-parody tribute act. What is worse, is that like anything from the Al-BBC post 2008, it has been infested with divisive neo-lib rhetoric and goes hand-in-hand with the very fucking worst dregs you find nodding sagely to Polly Toynbee columns in the Guardian.

The political agenda is barely concealed – all parties might be mocked but it is evident where the bread is buttered by noting who gets a real kicking. Unsurprisingly, plenty of pro-EU/anti-Trump/pro-immigration bollocks can be heard within each episode; topped off with the crowd of blue-haired quinola-scoffing hemp-wanking fucktards in the audience, who have taken to cheering anything pro-EU.

I no longer watch this shitfest, but in a moment of ill-judged stupidity I tuned in for the 2017 post-election special. What a fucking monumental mistake that was. Leading the charge as host was Jo Brand: a perfect fucking encapsulation for what the corporation champions as a box-ticking ‘comedian’ and amazingly, not even the most unfunny cunt with that surname. Ian Hislop as ever doing his indignant lectures that were once cutting and revealing, but are now just dull rambling speeches into cuntdom, delivered with a constantly bemused face which is so delightfully punchable – his head is increasingly resembling a cancerous potato. Central to the shit-mix is Paul Merton, who once upon a time at least had irreverent timing and wit, now reduced to a randomly barking shitheel whose outbursts are neither funny nor indeed fucking relevant. Guests this episode were Alan Johnson – a fucking member right down to his own surname – and Ross Noble, a truly unfunny rambling fucker whose head and sigmoid colon make a perfect geometric fit.

To be fair, HIGNFY is far from the only show that has been politicised beyond any humour; but it is one of the worst and most dramatic examples of right-on hijacking that I can think of. Plus, the ‘guest’ host list could be worthy of a cunting all on its own. A special place in cunting hell is reserved for the likes of Victoria Coren-Mitchell, her chinless fucking husband David, Alexander Armstrong, Miranda Hart and fucking Eddie ‘Top Cunt’ Izzard. Every single one of these bastards boils my piss into supercritical steam.

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back.