As I’ve got older my toenails seem to of toughened to a stage where I need a angle grinder to cut them,
And a Dremel to round them off.

No sock can withstand them.
I could eviscerate a antelope with a casual swipe of my foot.

They’ve become akin to stone.
They should make body armour for soldiers out of my toenails.

But why?
What possible evolutionary advantage is there in a middle age man having granite toenails?

I use a clipping off them to open corned beef tins.
Better than those little key things.

Image Link

Nominated by: Miserable northern cunt

News from the Wacky Woke World of the Mooseshaggers, fellow cunters. Step forward the taxpayer-funded National Arts Centre, Ottawa.

Not content with putting on a play with an all-black cast, if you’re white then sorry chum, you ain’t getting in. Because to see ‘the vivid kaleidoscope that is the Black Experience’ you have to self-identify as black. Well Lordy be, it’s Apartheid and even the New Woke Post has spotted it.

I love this shit: ‘If someone identifies as non-Black and demands to enter the room…….we have non-Black front-of-house members present in the lobby to help de-escalate such situations‘.

In my book that’s ‘Fuck off gammons, we’ve got bouncers so don’t you dare try getting in, you cunts’.

Good to see that Black is always with a capital letter in this report. I presume their self-identifying Blackface Prime Minister won’t be barred, the wanker.

NY Post

Nominated by: Geordie Twatt

(I presume arts funding for this place comes from black taxpayers! – Day Admin)

(Seems the residents are fighting back! – Day Admin)

Congratulations to our hero for spunking £180,000 of taxpayers money to change the name of Black Boy Lane in Tottenham. This, of course, because the name is racist and offensive.

The trouble is underneath the new name it says “formerly Black Boy Lane”.

So how is it less racist and offensive because it’s in brackets you stupid cunt?

Ah…..it doesn’t matter, as long as we can pat each other on the back at our dinner parties and tell each other how progressive we are. And it’s not our fucking money is it? Fuck off plebs.

Metro News Link

Nominated by: Freddie the Frog

(Expect other woke councils to rename all “offensive” street names and spunking millions in council tax doing it!  – Day Admin)

I’ll own that over my many years, I’ve been a keen student of the weird and wonderful world of human sexuality, and even at my age, you can learn something new every day. Sometimes however, you just have to wonder at how odd people can actually be.

Take the recent case of a couple of middle-aged swingers from Oz, who have perpetrated a ‘sex act’ involving, er, a trout. Details are frustratingly, if understandably sketchy, so we can only imagine the indignities that the poor fish was forced to endure.

Police have charged the tossers with bestiality, and quite right too; IsAC readers will, I’m sure, join me in expressing sympathy for the poor fish. It gives a whole new meaning to the expression ‘trout pout’.

Daily Star

Nominated by: Ron Knee.