I write this piece at the end of a bollock-numbingly cold April, so I was curious to see how the BBC would spin this into their monthly Climate Catastrophe tripe. You know the type of thing – ‘Hottest April ever recorded in Timbuktu because of climate change’.

Sadly, El Nino isn’t playing ball and they can’t find anywhere that’s slightly warmer than usual to hyperbolise. That means there’ll be no week-long jolly for Justin Rowland Rat to file a 2-minute report from somewhere exotic that’s spontaneously combusting. Poor Rowland, no free holiday for you this month.

However the BBC’s Ministry of Truth is nothing if not resourceful, so congratulations to Winston Smith for disinterring this old chestnut. Yes, it’s our old friend the ozone hole which is so serious that seals are wearing Raybans and penguins are slapping on the Factor 30.

Let’s let have a look at just one sentence from this garbage with my comments in brackets:
A major cause of ozone loss (a natural process which occurs every autumn in the southern hemisphere) is believed to be (believed by whom, the Swedish mong?) the amount of smoke from unprecedented Australian wildfires (another natural phenomenon which has been occurring for millions of years) which were fuelled by climate change (mostly started by Aussie dickheads).

Hole in the ozone layer? There’s probably a bigger hole in Rowland Rat’s arse as that’s what he talks out of.

BBC News

Nominated by: Geordie Twatt

Good Lord, how many more times are we going to be confronted by THIS?

Express News

Indeed, how many more such vile goings-on never see the light of day, with the criminals never being brought to justice?

Maybe it’s just me, but I detect, shall we say, a certain pattern where the perpetrators are concerned. Perhaps I’m just not making sufficient allowance for ‘cultural differences’.

Perhaps I’d better consider and check my thinking; I wouldn’t want anyone calling me ‘far right’…

Nominated by: Ron Knee

No, me neither; at least until a couple of days ago that is.

For those of you not yet familiar with this bizarre apparition, ‘Crackhead’ describes herself as a ‘satirical performance artist and ambush interviewer’. ‘Crackhead’ has recently gained notoriety by ‘ambushing’ a rather sad and depressed looking Alec Baldwin in a coffee shop, where she harassed him with reference to the death on set gunshot incident a while ago, then demanded that he shout ‘Free Palestine’;

‘Crackhead’ then appeared over here on the Piers Morgan show, where Morgan unsuccessfully tried to find out just what she was trying to achieve by having a go at Baldwin, only to be faced with an increasingly outlandlish display (the ‘interview’ proper starts at 16.20);

Now okay, some might regard this kind of ‘performance’ as a kind of anarchic humour. Fair do’s if that’s the case, but personally I found the attempt to hound a clearly distressed Baldwin to be pointless and unsavoury. There’s no wit or humour here. As for the Morgan ‘interview’, well there’s a minute or so’s worth of novelty value I suppose, before it becomes clear that ‘Crackhead’ is little more than a gross-out ‘shock jock’ provocateur, the proverbial one-trick pony with little or nothing more to offer.

A bit pathetic really, don’t you think? Come back Dennis Pennis, all is forgiven.

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Nominated by Ron Knee.

Not so long ago, you could have a good snigger and, dare I say, chortle at this feast of ridiculousness over a glass of absinthe and a magma of a vindaloo. But now, like virtually everything else, it has been usurped by the sickeningly debauched dregs of humanity.

Nostalgic days they were, with our host (Terry Wigon) slowly slurping his way through several bottles of Baileys® and us, laughing and crying in incredulity and haughty smugness at our European neighbours attempts at tunes – whilst simultaneously awarding them null points for their efforts.

Then they let Turdistan in together with the other forty or fifty other East European `countries` and it all went sideways. My, how the tables have turned.

Yes. It is, was and always will be, a steaming pile of utter excrement; but at least it was without the contribution of the LBQWERTY…s.

Is there nothing sacred?

BBC News

Nominated by: Sam Beau

Seconded by the ever flamboyant Cuntamus Prime:

I stopped watching this celebration of mediocrity many years ago when the Sausage Quare got the vote over the popular winner (the big boobed slavic girls from Poland).before that was also intermittent: no Eurovision parties thanks. Those are the preserve of women and gays, and I dare not poison the atmosphere with proletarian toxic masculinity. It went from being a bit camp tio full-on mince and glitter, and is unwatchable.
Speaking of which, this year Britain’s candidate will be professionsl bender Olly Alexander, a box-ticking, mincing gremlin seemingly on retainer at the Beeb, where his bland Pet Shop Boys rip-off is played every hour by the Hen Party station, formerly Radio 2.
Olly has reservations about flying the ‘divisive’ union jack (of course) and plans to fly it in the gayest manner possible. Well done to you, Olly. It will teach all the old cunts who have nothing better to do that they’re wasting what little of their lives remain by watching hours of this sequin-spaffing AIDS-infested shite. What will it take for the doddering bastards who STILL tune in to see their nation humiliated to switch off and cancel the licence?

Given the Euro-premise, it’s also a chance for the snarky shits presenting and commentating to get in a few anti-Brexit jibes.

Still, it’s in Malmo so who knows what local enrichment might occur.

Telegraph Link.