Dead Pool [35]

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Belated congratulations go to Debo who bags amother Dead Pool win by predicting the death of Cliff Michelmore –  TV presenter and producer.

So the slate has been wiped clean and everyone gets to pick a new ‘dead cunt walking’ as we move on to The Dead Pool 35.

A reminder of the rules:

1. Nominate who you think is the next cunt on the way out. You can have up to five choices.
List your nominations in the comments of this post. It’s the current Dead Pool. Candidates listed in the previous thread and reposted by TheEye on this thread will be accepted this time around because TheEye was out on the piss last night and couldn’t be arsed to update the thread after he staggered home.

2. You win if your Cunt dies first.
Then the slate is wiped clean and we start again. Of course, you can always be a cunt and steal someone else’s dead cunt candidate from the last Dead Pool.

3. It helps admin if you nominate one name per line, no numbers in front or comments afterwards. Comment what you like after your five names! A request – not a hard and fast rule – but it speeds up the list making if we can do a straight cut and paste to a spreadsheet.

Any cunt who tries to cheat by nominating the World’s Oldest Man or Woman is a cunt and will be ignored. Anyone who just copies from that DeathList thingy risks being ignored at our discretion. Any anonymous cunt who can’t be bothered to make up a name for themselves will also be ignored. Oh, and the usual “Our Blog Our Rules” thing applies.

Ellie Goulding

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Ellie Goulding is a cunt…

Apparently this poor love is so overworked that she (in her own words) can’t find the time to have something to eat… I am sure that there are those in full time and totally knackering jobs who feel so sorry for her… Everyone else seems to manage it, so what makes this silly cow so different? My old man worked 12 hour shifts fixing lorries, but he still got his dinner…

But one musn’t be nasty, must we? The poor petal mustn’t despair, because I’ve thought of a solution to her terrible starvation problem…. Elllie can spend less time squawking tuneless crap, posing for pictures like a trollop, and talking shit… Then she might find the time to learn how to use a sandwich toaster…. Simple, really….

Nominated by: Norman

Target advertising on TV

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I decided to watch an old black and white “St Trinians” film with my girlfriend, the film was good I enjoyed it.

The first ad break suggested that should my partner sneeze, cough, or laugh, she may possibly piss herself! Whilst I was informed I should be looking at a funeral plan.

Film continues, new add break. Now I never knew this, but when we take the dog out and she goes blackberry picking, its not so, she is having a sneeky shit behind a bush because she doesn’t take Imodium instants.

At this point my relaxing tickle my ribs entertainment has turned into a rather sinister, “Has she shat herself?” She laughed, “Should I check the sofa” (note to self plastic seat covers, before stair lift) then realising if I mention any of this, I have no funeral plan.

Well done target advertising, I’m off to see Dad’s army next week, fuck knows how you are going to spoil that one.

Nominated by: Lord Benny

Jessie J

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Jessie J is a cunt…

This deluded tart is annoyed at her lack of recognition in the UK… The arrogant cow says she is annoyed her music isn’t celebrated in the UK as much as it is in the US… “My profile in America is that I’m kind of celebrated as one of the greatest singers and I love it,” she claims in an interview….

Well, a reality check is needed here, love…. She is celebrated nowhere as a great singer, basically because she is a shit one… She makes crappy chav music for Poundland riff-raff (that ‘Forget About The Price tag’ turd) and should be filed alongside Black Lace, LMFAO, Black Eyed Peas and every other bit of music made for stinking plebs….

Nominated by: Norman