House-Martins are Cunts….not the band, (although I’m sure they are Cunts too) I mean the birds. The little bastards have built nests in the top corners of one of my bedroom windows and even I don’t like to knock the nests down when I see them swooping in and out. They must have built them in a couple of days…I never noticed until I realised that there seemed to be an inordinate amount of shite on the window…and it’s just getting worse…I’ll be lucky if I can see out of it in a few more days… just lucky that my bedroom does have other windows so that I can still look out to view my extensive Estate and take pot-shots at any pheasant or peasant who may be rambling over my croquet lawn.
What gets me is their ingratitude…for years I’ve let them nest in the old barns and sheds…never as much as taken a shot at the Fuckers even when bored…..and they chose to repay me by using one of my solid-hardwood window-frames as a shithouse. The Sods are worse than the Pikeys…move in and throw up their mud-huts before anyone realises that they are there…and once ensconced a damn sight more legal protection than a 12 year old white girl in a Rotherham taxi.

The trespassing little shits apparently come all the way from Africa and remind me of other illegal immigrants from The Dark Continent…squawking and chirping away,expecting free board and accommodation,breeding at an incredible rate, refusing to contribute as much as a breakfast egg to their unwilling host and leaving shit wherever they go….I expect one’ll be out selling drugs to the sparrows and mugging the blue-tits before impregnating some fat white pigeon and then bolting before much longer.

The Fuckers’ll be in for a shock if they try the same trick next year….I’ll be ready for the bastards……lets see how easy it is to build a mud-hut when you’ve got the jet off an industrial pressure-washer tickling yer feathery little arses.

Nominated by Dick de Ffeffel Foxchaser Fiddler

“Hey granpaw, sez hayer thit they’s mekkin’ uh noo ‘Indiana Jones’ movie!”.
“Wassat, sonny?”.
“Ah sayeed THEY’S MEKKIN’ UH NOO ‘INDIANA JONES’ MOVIE!”.
“Land sakes boy, ain’t no need ta yell. Ah ain’t deef!”.

Well I suppose that Hollywood being Hollywood, the land of sequels, franchises and reboots, they just couldn’t leave well alone. Indy’s last outing was over ten years ago, the “Crystal Skull” farce, but it made a shed load of dosh. Now Steven Spielberg says that a new “Indy” is in the works, with a scheduled release date of July 2022.

There’s been talk of casting a new actor as Indy, but Spielberg says that Harrison Ford is such an iconic presence that nobody else could possibly fill his boots. I can understand the reasoning, but there’s just one small problem. We all expect Indy to do stuff like jump out of burning planes, get dragged along behind speeding trucks, and generally kick shit out of Nazis, commies, and other badhats. By the time the film hits the screen, Harry will be eighty; it won’t be so much a case of whether he can still swing that bullwhip with zest, but whether he can manage to swing by the post office to pick up his old age pension.

The new film is provisionally titled “Indiana Jones 5”. May I respectfully suggest to the producers that it be called “Indiana Jones and the Last Zimmer Frame” when released. It sort of sounds appropriate for a last sad attempt to squeeze more out of their cash cow. Come on guys, this just doesn’t fly for me. Knock it on the head before you embarrass yourselves.

Nominated by: Ron Knee

A quick cunting for the prick next door and every other fucker who thinks it’s a great idea to have a bonfire in their garden.

This time of year, the windows are open, freshly washed clothes on the washing line and we’re happily sat outside enjoying the weather. What the fuck, my house will fucking stink for days, I’ve got to re-wash the clothes and we can’t sit outside any more. Just take it down the tip mate, they are open now.

What a complete and inconsiderate cunt. Just had to get that one off me chest.

Nominated by: Cunty mcfuckwit

I am indebted to Mrs. Boggs for pointing this article out to me That said, she deserves a cunting for reading this site on a daily basis, but I won’t do it myself as itmight make me go blind.

The site in question is called “Digital Spy” where fat lazy workshy idiots (but enough now of Mrs. Boggs) foregather at all hours of the day and night to emote.

The latest object of their tears was the occassion, thispast week, of the last of the present series of Eastenders. Their fans have been in mourning for some time now since th enumber of transmitted episodes has been halved to try to keep it on air. Sadly this week thet reached the end of the road – reason enough for wailing and weeping, but three simple words pushed some of the cunts over the edge:

https://www.digitalspy.com/soaps/eastenders/a32891678/eastenders-hidden-final-message-hiatus/

A good job these soy boys and daft trollops were not such devout fans of Are You Being Served>, since God knows what would have happened on the last episode when they saw the caption:

“You have been watching”

Seriously there is so much in real life to be worried about, upset about – surely the temporary absence of one insignificant show shouldn’t cause such trauma.

Bring back Crossroads.

Nominated by: W. C. Boggs