I’m really not sure where to start with this but I’ve just watched the Aug 1 summary of the days events and well…

The first half hour or so given over to speculation and nonsensical chit chat with the family of Max Whitlock ( who is clearly a phenomenal athlete btw) with Clare ‘tuppence’ Balding and some faux cockney dark key.

Then, fuck my old brown boots, the men’s 100m final, the blue riband event, given fuck all time. The men’s high jump (which ended in a wonderfully emotional tie ffs!) given the same treatment!

We then had Michael Johnson talking sense about how shit the British athlete in the 100m was and its time to cut back to the fucking bmx racing.

What an absolute bunch of cunt.

Nominated by: Kunte Kunty

Amazon packaging

I ordered a micro sd card the other day. A tiny thing that could easily fit in a padded envelope. I went shopping and found a note from the post office stating it couldn’t be delivered as I wasn’t in at the time.

Of course my local post depot is only open when there’s a full moon or a solar eclipse, so I had to wait ages to actually pick it up.

The size of the box was big enough to fit a fucking microwave in. All for a tiny micro sd card. It appears Jeff Bezos gives no fucks about the environment at all.

Not to mention the time I bought an umbrella and it was delivered in a box the size of a fucking freezer. Cunts.

Nominated by: LazyBiscuits

Speaking of daily annoyances…

Just over a year ago I put a nomination forward regarding those little daily irritations in life that really get on your tits! (see link below)

Part One

A year on, a year wiser, and a year even more pissed off and annoyed than ever before. So with the admins permission I’d like to do a “Part 2” (I’ll allow it – DA)

• Amazon rechargeable batteries (AA and AAA), that only take 2 or 3 charges before dying.
• Battery operated desk clocks that when you want to swap out the battery you have to find the world’s smallest screwdriver to remove the screw that is securing the battery lid at the back of the clock.
• Buying a mixture of different sized USB data sticks but none of them are labelled with their particular capacity (4Gb, 16Gb, 64Gb etc.)
• Putting the clocks back/forward in March/October. There’s always one you forget!
• Terrestrial TV, Satellite TV, Cable TV, Streaming TV
• Noisy cunts in libraries
• Cunts who poke, prod and sniff bread, fruit and veg in shops, and then put it back on the shelf.
• Cunts who take an After Eight mint out of the box but leave the wrapper inside.
• Buying second hand reference books only to find certain pages ripped out (usually the ones you want to know about)
• YouTube and their frigging ad-breaks every 2 minutes into a video
• Cunts wanting everything for free (especially phone and PC apps, and then complain about all the ads and push notifications to buy the product)
• Free-To-Play computer games that are free to start with but are then nagged with micropayments in order to unlock further access into a game or to buy better weapons etc. (This happens even with games you’ve already paid for upfront).
• Constant updates of T&Cs from banks, ISPs, phone apps … all written in long-winded bollocks no one every bothers to read let alone understand.
• Trying to show courtesy to wimminz, only to get a glare or a “I can manage, thanks!”
• Cunts who still haven’t removed their tax discs from car windscreens despite them being abolished back in 2014
• Cunts who sneeze into their cupped hands and then wipe the contents on their trousers or anything close to hand.
• Cunts who sneeze without covering their mouth/nose
• Women who have absolutely no concept of time and punctuality. We might have a dinner engagement at 7:30 10 miles away, but the missus is still faffing about with her hair/make-up at 7:15!
• Unexpected sex scenes (lezza scenes best of all) in TV dramas/films, which might have been quite titillating watching alone, but not with the missus.
• Weather forecasters getting paid for predictions
• Kids in pubs
• Cunts who come up to my desk and say “I know you’re very busy, but could you spare 5 minutes?”
• Trying to find the end of sellotape, packing tape etc.
• People who say “Can I get!”
• Packets of biscuits that don’t have a pull-tab to open.
• Cunts who park their cars outside of shop but not up against the curb. Instead they park in the middle of the fucking lane, blocking everyone behind.
• Not being able to have a quiet wank without the missus barging in
• People who open a conversation with remarks about the weather. Doesn’t matter about anything else (lockdowns, terrorist attacks, food shortages, tsunamis, imminent nuclear war, Diane Abbott appearing topless in The Sun).. No, none of that, let’s just talk about the bleedin’ weather and how hot/cold/dry/wet it is.
• Installing software without going into the Custom Setup first, from which point you notice the crafty developers have bundled some other bloatware that if you don’t tick/untick a box will be installed on your machine. But will be installed anyway if you didn’t go into Custom Setup first.
• That moment when you think of something really profound/important, and then a second later its gone, never to return.
• Embarrassing silences at dinner parties when you’re struggling to think of something to say to your guests (and no, not the bleedin’ weather!)
• The assumption that every man and his dog has got a smartphone in order to download apps in order to register for something you can’t have by any other means.
• Unexpected American Date formats (05/06/21) is that May or June if you’re not sure?
• Council planners who approve fast-food joints on the corners of busy roads, thus causing queues and tailbacks.
• Safety notices on everything. Pages and pages and pages of safety hints, even for the most mundane of things like a a computer mouse, a desk light or a microwave ready-meal.
• Online news articles (UK websites) to do with finance and how the reporter quotes in dollars first, and then the equivalent in Euros. And then if you’re lucky, Pound Sterling.
• Supermarkets who have no idea of what a substitute means when the item you ordered online is out of stock. For example you wanted some Jacob’s cream-crackers and they send you a packet of tampons (True, thanks Asda!)
• How time flies as you get older.
• Cunts who state the bleedin’ obvious. “We had a bit of snow last night then!” as we stand in 3ft of snow waiting for a friggin’ bus!
• The fuss and aggro young wimminz in skin-tight jeans make when you ask them to sit on your lap for 10 minutes, in order to remove the pretend knot in their hair!
• Gary Lineker

That’ll do for now

Nominated by – Technocunt

He’s cumming for you.

Muhammed Bilal Khan and the legal system that let him off.

The plague of the Home islands that has infected Shitneystan like bat flu is now besieging Melbourne. 40 year old Mu has been found guilty of wanking onto 3 women and groping a 4th, he received a sentence of community service and counselling, fuck a duck what a shower.

He was arrested for the groping and linked to the wanking through DNA evidence. How many other ladies never noticed or didn’t wish to go through the rigmarole of an investigation and trail. This cunt needs the hotbox with horny rats before throwing to the crocs.

Hello ladies

Nominated by – Shackledragger cunt

There was a report in the Sunday Times on 25/7 that says that Cecil Rhodes was a bit of a cunt and responsible for the deaths of 20 000 Africans. Whether this is true or not I dont know. Anyway, his statue must fall. That will teach the cunt.

This is from a paper. The website is behind a paywall.

A generation earlier there was an African gentleman called Shaka Zulu. He was responsible, directly and indirectly for the deaths of a million or so Africans, the Mfecane (look it up) He hasnt set up a scholarship of learning but has an airport named after him.
In this century an African gentleman named Mugabe had 20 000 plus Africans killed in Rhodesia, which was named after the murderous cunt Cecil. He has also killed many more by reducing the country to ruins. He hasnt set up a scholarship either.
The black Africans were Nguni. Shaka was an Nguni. They came from the north and displaced and killed the indigenous southern Africans, the KoiSan. This doesnt seem to count as colonialism for some reason.

This cunting is about the fucking criminal ignorance of the race baiters, heritage deniers and and cunts who cant put anything into historical context. And they are taking over.

Nominated by: Cuntstable Cuntbubble (ISAC Professor of African Studies)