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I really feel sorry for persons who experience period pain once a month. I mean, what a fucking pain. Period.

The wife points out that period pain can be a bad experience for a person with a uterus, but it can be utterly excruciating for persons without one, as this young lady found out to her discomfort;

He’ll be wanting one of those vagina thingies next. Sorry; SHE’LL be wanting one of those vagina thingies next.

I can only repeat the words of a confused Ray Davies; ‘girls will be boys and boys will be girls, it’s a mixed up, muddled up, shook up world…’. Damn right it is. It most certainly is.

Nominated by Ron Knee. And another helping about the “reds playing at home” from Fuglyucker.

As its wimminz day I would like to nominate a cunting, it those fucking horrific ads about the monthly shark week.
The above link nearly made me bring up my dinner, then there is the other ad, with the red splashes on knickers and the gild at the end wringing herself out like a fuck chamois leather.

Honestly I sympathise with wimminz, but I would rather not have to see or hear about this crap, there really are some things men don’t need to know.

Greetings Cunters another tale of misfortune from myself on many levels.

The former Mrs B and myself have parted company, and my health has declined further just as I met up and moved in with Mrs B MK fuck knows.

Any way with my decline in health I was offered a new medication, this is a sort of drain cleaner for the vascular system, but with clots on my lungs and a femoral blockage that felt like a kick in the balls I grabbed the opportunity at a prolonged life span and wolfed the stuff down as I waited to go under the knife.

Now all medication can have certain side effects, and this seemed to give me a burning arsehole, (I mentioned the new lady didn’t I?) So the new Mrs B supplies me with a nice cream to sooth the burning, sore,sweaty arsehole that I have now developed (Sorry, but I now have subliminal images of Sir Keir Starmer! – Day Admin).

Any way fast forward to hospital, loads of drugs, and I mean shit loads, I had my own morphine on tap, didn’t even have to get out of bed for a piss as I was plumbed in, and yes more drugs if I wanted them.

I wont go into it too deeply but after a period I was able to escape from hospital and come home, although on the same medication I no longer had the flaming arsehole issue that funny enough I had failed to mention to the consultant.

Within 3 days of blissful home rest the old problem raised its head and the old bum crack was stinging.

Now I am a logical thinker and I am not a toilet malingerer so I took time to investigate the bathroom with the aid of a par of reading glasses.

Mrs B has a box of lady’s secrets in the bathroom, pads potions and wet wipes for under waist sanitation purposes, I know this well because I have been nicking her toilet wipes for a wet wipe shit.

On closer inspection I discover that Sainsbury do two versions, one is called sanitary flushable wipes, and another toilet flushable wipes.

The flushable toilet wipes are the ones that I had been using for some time because she leaves them out and I am a lazy cunt .

The other thing that i noted that apart from colour and fragrance the ones that I had been using kill 99% of bacteria, also they are for cleaning the toilet and not wiping my arse.

So defacto I had been wiping my arse with domestos for over a year hence the fucking ring of fire!

So I nominate flushable toilet wipes as a barstard shit idea and I bet I am not the only person who has wiped their arse with them.

Nominated by: bigus Dickus

Fucking font of all knowledge Ian Wright is a cunt.

After refusing to appear on MOD cos his mate Gary was suspended (asked to step back) is now calling for ‘heads to roll’ at the BBC because of the ‘hot mess’

Sorry to tell you this pundit but the BBC were quite within their right to suspend Linecunt, regardless of the free speech issue it was a question of the ‘grey’ area of impartiality.
The only ‘hot mess’ was you and the rest of punditry walking out over something that had fuck all to do with anyone other than Linecunt and BBC management.

If the BBC weren’t so fucking spineless they would have sacked the lot and it seems that MOD has an audience with or without pundits.

Independent

Nominated by Sick of it.

After careful consideration, bosses at the RM have decided that despite a 25% drop in letter usage since the pandemic, they’re going to increase the price of a 1st and 2nd class stamps by up to 15% from 3rd April. This means a 1st class stamp will go up from 95p to £1.10p.

Bosses not only blame the drop in letter volume, but also rising costs and record inflation. However, that doesn’t stop the CEO from earning around £400k last year and receiving a £400k bonus on top of that.

How he can justify a bonus that size is fucking amazing given the RM is stuck in the past with its working practices as well as losing money hand over fist.

And then of course the new stamps will have King Fuckwit’s profile, but without a crown. Why? Is he scared he might offend someone? But that’s for another nomination.

Royal Mail. !st Class Cunts!

Sky News

Money Saving Expert

Nominated by: Technocunt

Never heard of the cunt? Me neither until I looked into a new album entitled “I Can Only Be Me” by the beautiful and talented Eva Cassidy. (For those that don’t know, Eva died nearly thirty years ago.)

This grave robber has allegedly isolated Eva’s voice from recordings, and set it to music that he composed.

What’s the matter Chris, can’t your composition stand on it’s own two feet without stealing the voice of a genuine entertainer? Didn’t anyone alive want to warble along to your hacked composition?

It’s had exactly the response he was hoping for, I thought it was a long lost recording, and nearly bought it.

Noise11 News Link

Independent News Link

Nominated by: Duke of Cuntshire

(More info about Willis here. Day Admin – Wiki Page)