“I knew something was different because the sharks were on the surface,” says Tayane Dalazen, a 37-year old Brazilian lawyer and social media personality.
“There were a lot of them,” she says. “Later, I discovered [the tour organisers] were feeding the sharks so that they would interact with the tourists.”
Dalazen, from Sao Paulo, was on a shark-diving trip on the Brazilian coast in April when she suddenly felt “strong pressure” on her leg.
“When the shark bit me, the pain was very strong,” she says. “I stayed calm because I knew I couldn’t fight the animal.”
Incidents of sharks biting humans are incredibly rare, but at least three influencers have been bitten by the animals in less than a year. Scientists say they’re increasingly concerned about the rise in social media videos showing people swimming too close to sharks, touching or even riding them.
“I’m seeing these videos every single week now and it’s way more than it ever used to be,” says shark scientist Kristian Parton, who also hosts the ‘Shark Bytes’ YouTube channel. “We’re going to see people ending up in really serious incidents with sharks.”
In July, a fishing influencer almost lost his leg after being attacked by a reef shark whilst spearfishing. In December, a Chinese content creator was bitten in the Maldives. Both incidents were caught on camera.
What the fuck is wrong with these idiots?
The fantastic social media has a lot to answer for.
I am however a keen advocate of Natural Selection.
Nominated by : Unkle Terry
Sharks are pathetic!
9
Quite so.
https://downthetubes.net/oh-no-its-the-pathetic-sharks-original-art-that-is/
6
If a shark eats an influencer, does the poor animal lose IQ points?
I notice that, unfortunately, very few boat-based migrants seem to get eaten by sharks.
Shame.
The sharks probably don’t want to get an upset stomach eating a darkıe; it’d be like an Englishman eating a dogshit sandwich.
15
With today’s technology, submarines have large pointed needles on top, ready to sink the boats and sharks are released from the torpedo bay.
8
Ask and ye shall receive!
https://www.standard.co.uk/news/world/31-migrants-killed-and-40-missing-after-shark-attack-while-crossing-from-africa-to-italy-libyan-navy-claims-a3702216.html
6
Go sharks !
Morning Unk / All
8
Thanks Unkle. That’s made my day.
6
Fab! But that was 9 years ago…come on sharks, have you turned vegetarian or something?
14
This skinflint won’t pay, but my imagination is running away with itself.
3
Where was the Shark Repellent Bat Spray when they needed it?
5
I would think even sharks would turn their noses up, at social influencers..
Imagine the shame, I just napped a cocky surfer, I got myself a pearl diver.. social influencer… fuck off over there with the dolphins, John.
13
I like the bit about Ocean Ramsey (made up name), who seems to think she’s a sort of sub-aquatic Dr Doolittle.
“ My intent with all of my content has never been to gain views, it’s to gain protection for sharks,” Ramsey says. “I’ve contributed to research articles, data collection… all of my work stems down to education.”
Yeah. Alright love.
So nothing to do with promoting your diving excursion business in Hawaii then?
Hopefully she’ll end up being Steve Irwin’d.
8
That was just a love bite from a docile bottom dweller.
6
Release some Great Whites in the English Channel and have some camera boats placed to slow puncture the dinghies and to capture the gritty gimmigrant panic, screams and roller-coaster excitement. A kind of gimmigrant game of chicken.
I would pay money to watch that, and I’m sure I’m not the only one. If it made it to the telly, it could be called The Great White Gimmigrant Challenge. It should be hosted by Philip Schofield and Holly Willoughby, who would do their own Channel crossing at the closing credits of each episode – what a cliffhanger!
11
Funnily enough, Paul.
I witnessed a South Asian immigrant trying to swim on the telly last night.
Lady Cuntgomery, much to my absolute disgust, decided to watch Gary Liinekunts new celebrity game show.
Anyway, one of the tasks involved GMTV’s Ranvir Singh trying to swim 10 metres to some target and back again.
Needless to say, it didn’t end well.
No sharks required in her case.
7
Hi FM.
Ranvir’s giant tits should have kept her buoyant.
0
The Brazilian lawyer can stick her head in a lion’s mouth for all I care.
If she wants to impress me on social media she needs to be filmed getting a Brazilian wax.
9
Uncharacteristically O/T, but Andrew Lawrence just keeps getting better:
https://youtu.be/pUTmo7ANXp8?si=jnlYxRrjQgvYDzCq
7
sharks are the binmen of the seas.
tidying up, bit surly,
refusing to work in Birmingham,
a sort of thankless job.
They’re also apex predators with razor teeth and lightning fast.
Do I want to swim with sharks?
what a silly question.
of course I fuckin dont.
Farewell an ado all ye fine spanish ladies
farewell an ado all ye ladies of Spain…
hey Chief
here’s to swimmin with bowlegged women!
10
That Jason Ardy or anyone contemplating ending it all should rather than cry into their pillow in self pity,
choose death by shark.
Give us a more spectacular ending.
7
Although Jason would probably slip on the decking fracturing his skull
and dead before he got in the water.
the cheating fucker
9
Hey, cut Arday some slack, you meanie!
He killed Jaws, innit?
5
I delightful comic actor Graham Stark had to change his name due to attacking people for no apparent reason.
4
Crocodile ball tickler Steve ‘Crikey!’ Irwin learned the hard way.
8
Good point LL always found his approach cuntish to say the least
5
Anthony Zerbe’s pet shark was a whopper.
6
Ah yes. License to Kill.
Death by decompression chamber if I remember rightly.
6
Sharks have a reflective layer behind their retinas, the tapetum lucidum, gives them incredible night vision.
and the reason you never see one in Specsavers.
along with seeing in the dark, skin like sandpaper, lightning fast reflexes, razorblade teeth and the ability to sense electrical fields.
So some pasty englishman slowly breaststoking on the surface isn’t much of a challenge.
and if they don’t get you the vampire squid will.
8
I feel sorry for sharks.
The modern English vernacular doesn’t help their reputation.
Anyone unscrupulous or shady, like politicians, dodgy builders or Cambridge professors get labelled as sharks.
Yet, in fact, a real shark is a fascinating creature.
Totally unlike the creatures mentioned above.
I wonder if sharks use human names as a derogatory term.
‘Watch him mate. He’s a right Jason Arday’
10
Things I don’t want to do
1: swim with sharks
2: bungee jump from a elevation with the safety precautions the sole responsibility of some long haired, dope smoking, surfer dude called kai or Brad.
3: freediving
swimming down to depth till you black out
4: seeing the wreckage of the Titanic in a untested submarine with a bunch of rich yanks
5: go abroad
15
Sharks Fin soup on the menu this evening perhaps?
Think on🤩
3
I do have a nıgģer paw ashtray for sale if you’re interested, UT?
Sasha Johnson doesn’t need both of them to wank me off.
6
Illegals have found shark infested waters a delight this summer. Some are determined to go again next year.
4
The perfect shark shot to my straight brother when growing up was Auretta Gay wrestling with one with her tits out in Zombie Flesh Eaters.
3
And of course the ever amusing ‘shark vs zombie’ fight, eh WokeUp?
3
“Influencers” and “content creators” eaten by sharks? Couldn’t give a toss. Fuck ’em.
7
As head of the Cricklewood Outward bound course for People of colour,
there’s some basic safety tips for swimming or diving in our coastal waters.
1′ always splash and thrash around on entering the water.
sharks and crocodile attack mainly when surprised.
2′ coat your body in sardine or mackerel oil
its available from any supermarket.
just the oil mind!
throw the actual fish over the side of the boat.
this makes sharks think your a big fish and being notoriously cowardly theyll fuck off.
3′ if in a physical altercation with a shark
REMAIN CALM!
sharks get enraged by drama
and dont try and gouge its eyes,
there’s no place for animal cruelty on the Outward Bound course and you’ll be banned from any future courses.
Next month we’ve received government funding for a safari in Kenya!
we are all very excited by this.
some have expressed concern over my plans to camp out in the bush during this.
I assure you its perfectly safe.
No fires in case of wildfires
no guns, we aren’t imperialists,
everyone will be given a cube of oxo to crush and rub onto their skin to protect from the sun.
if, and I doubt it’ll happen,
you DO happen to encounter a lion
remember to make yourself smaller,
get on your knees,
and waddle towards them shouting.
theyll flee.
so see you all in October
Akuma matata
7
It might be worth the BBC keeping an eye on these influencers to see if they end up limbless.
It would be a good recruitment base if they ever feel the need to freshen up their retinue of spacca presenters.
Some of them could go on Country File and moan about the lack of disabled access to Mount Snowdon.
7
Shark diving, observe from a safe distance, never a good idea to get too close and avoid being on the menu 😂
Jaws was a warning not to be ignored, except by ‘influencers’
Killer whales have to right idea to sort out great whites, ram them to stun, flip them over and just gently hold them on the surface.
4
You don’t need a jaws great white to feel in peril… we’ve 650 of them in the HOC doing infanantely more damage 😩
5
Without hands, sharks feel with their mouths.
Unfortunately as they have a gob full of razor sharp teeth, anybody getting felt up doesn’t fare too well.
But they don’t really like the taste of people, which is just as well really because there would be a whole herd of them lurking around the tourist beaches otherwise.
Their eyes roll back into their heads when they get anything in their mouths.
A bit like a politician when taking a Muslim cock, or bacon sandwich.
The best sharks have big friggin’ laser guns on their heads.
6
Your making excuses for them Artie.
I saw a artist who painted lovely oil paintings with her mouth gripping the brush because she’d lost her arms.
she didn’t bite fuck out of people playing water polo.
and a bloke who could use his feet like hands.
didn’t see him attacking surfers.
but sharks get carte Blanche?!
they haven’t once painted a picture to my knowledge.
4
Don’t hear much about piranha nowadays.
yesterday’s men.
totally unfashionable.
In the 70s they were popular,
now its all sharks hogging the limelight.
shark week TV
its gone to their pointy heads.
But your humble piranha? nowt.
I thought they’d get a resurgence when Stephen Hawkins was alive,
he modelled his underbite on the piranha.
once had a customer had some in a tank (fish tank not chieftain)
wanna see my piranha?
” ooh yes please!” I said excitedly.
They were fruit eaters.
fuckin vegan piranha.
the laughing stock of the animal kingdom.
I was ever so disappointed 😞.
he can shove his Linda McCartney piranha up his arse.
7
Wasn’t your customer suspicious? Especially when you consider what these vegetablist piranha look like:
https://share.google/iIAhvnhVszSC8fv98
4
Like having a cobra that can’t spit,
or a tarantula that’s scared of flies.
crap version of something cool.
A Venus Flytrap that only eats soy mince 😒
7
Any male creature eating soy mince will start to mince.
4
I’d like to see Lyndsey Clancey fitted with armbands and pitched out of her wheelchair into a pool with a couple of these insane-looking fish:
https://share.google/BGdanpzLhj7r8bdYt
Along with a few of her fat, blue-haired supporters/baby murder apologists.
6
Sharks vs influencers, hardly the sharks vs jets. Where’s the synchronised finger clicking and choreographed dancing..
Even the fight scenes sound gay.
Bitten by a nurse shark, break out the flick knifes and have a tear up..
4
I think Bull sharks are the business. Live in fresh water or salt water and appear to have a fuck you attitude. One was living in a lake on an Australian golf course not very big but very snappy. Consensus was that the massive flooding in the area was the reason this shark was in the lake.
5
Diane Abbott laments her expulsion from the Labour Party for her antisemitism, “It was terrible, I was a social piranha”.
4
More to the point, LL, just in …
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/clyqvkyekkeo
🤌🏿
1
Ridiculous. It was the only way to get the lazy bastards to work. Now they want more. Isn’t giving illegals money for nowt, enough to make up for it.
3
Cunters!—Emergency, news just in, hold the front cunt …
Jamaica to bring slavery reparations petition to King Charles link as per above.
📿
3
Counter offer,we relaunch lilt and Jamaica can keep all the profits.. but they have to enter the Olympic bobsleigh every 4 years.
5
I hope Charlie sends them packing, cheeky cunts
3
If they see Charlie ruffling his cufflinks, they’ll know they’ve no chance.
4
What about my reparations for the land my family lost because of Cromwell. Bloody foreigners at the front again. Suppose Sir Lenny cunttwat will be getting juiced up over this so I’ll say it again “the only funny thing lennys been in was Dawn French”
4
If only Charlie’s father was still around to give the grifting wasters a response.
4