A deserted, fully-lit council office in Bodmin, Cornwall. What could be going on here? Have the staff all walked out in disgust because someone put the jam on top of the cream on his scone in the staff canteen?

Are they hiding smuggled contraband and had to scarper fast when they saw the Excise Officer approaching? Is Rick ‘Mr Padstow’ Stein outside making another boring programme about how fucking marvellous Cornwall is and they’re all trying to be filmed in the background?

No, none of these. In fact it’s 9.30pm and the lights are all on because nobody has been trained to switch them off. It’s not the first time either, and apparently County Hall in Truro is just as bad.

Anyway, Management are on top of it now. After training in how to switch off a light, staff will receive training in how to tie their shoelaces and how to wipe their arses after a shit.

Cornwall live

Nominated by Geordie Twatt.

“Good afternoon. This is IsAC’s culture, media and entertainment correspondent Ron Knee reporting. Followers of the site will be well aware of ‘EastEnders’, the BBC series renowned for its gritty yet realistic depiction of East End life. I’m delighted to be joined by the show’s executive producer Josephine Bloggs, who is going to tell us about a couple of stunningly original plot developments”.

“Hi Ron! Hi everybody! Please call me Joe. All my chums at Auntie do. So let me
start by revealing our new 2023 Christmas storyline. Are you ready? There’s *gasp* going to be a murder in the square on Christmas Day!”.

“Huh? We only gave you this interview because you promised some ‘original’ content. There have been over thirty murders in ‘EastEnders’ to date!”.

“Yes but this is a first. A murder on Christmas Day. At least I think it’s a first; I’ll have to get back to you on that one. Anyway that’s irrelevant. What matters is we’re giving the punters what they want. The fans like nothing more than a whopping dose of despondency and misery during the festive season”.

“Er, right. So what else have you got for us?”.

“Well now this really is sensational. I’m letting the cat out of the bag *snigger* but just between us, I can reveal that Michelle Collins is returning to the show as Cindy Beale!”.

“But hang on. I thought that the character died in prison sometime in the 1980s. That’s hardly true to life is it?”.

“Oh don’t be a grumpy old crosspatch. It’s a real first for the show, just like when we killed off Dirty Den, then resurrected him, then killed him off again. People do ‘die’ and come back in real life you know. Cindy might’ve been in a coma or something for 25 years”.

“Cosmic. Well thanks for joining us Joe. I’m sure that our followers are reassured to learn of the BBC’s on-going commitment to realism in drama. You can rest assured that on the basis of these revelations, they’ll be flocking to renew their licence payments in their thousands. This is Ron Knee, for IsAC, returning you to the studio”.

Ok.co.uk

Metro

Nominated by Ron Knee.

The Theatre Royal Stratford East is urging white people not to attend a black themed play so that there can be a safe, private space for an ‘all black-identifying audience’ which will be ‘free from the white gaze’

MSN Link.

I expect Lammy and that hideous racist Shola Mos Arrogant Loudmouth have already booked their tickets.

The play didn’t exactly go down a bomb in the US, but I’m sure the Guardian and Indy will be wetting their knickers over it.

What better way to eradicate bigotry and division than by creating more of the same?

Nominated by : mystic maven

 

The resignation of Phillip Schofield made me realise just how much I despise television now. The fakery of it. Thr facade of bonhomie on shite like This Morning hiding bullying and venomous sniping. I wonder if something about Nasty Munchetty will be divulged.

These presenters and producers are not quite human; lying reptiles gas lighting the public, using weasel words- ‘some people might say/argue, ‘so-called Islamic State’. These sociopaths hiding their hatred of their viewers behind smiles and make up. Their bogus, ostentatious ‘fact checkers’, their disdain for history, their participation in dangerous lies about gender.

The flea-brained gotcha interviews, the predictable panel shows and comedy (Orange maaaannn baaaad! Daily Mail! Brexit Boris Bumbly Boo!)
Audiences of clapping braying seals, laughing on command.

the blatant propaganda in soaps and dramas, the ubiquity of finger wagging in historical settings.
The bait and switch of undermining the legend of established male characters, their strength and resourcefulness mocked by cheap sass, sophomore snark and obnoxious attitudes in physically, psychologically and demographicallyunrealistic worlds created by emotionally incontinent adult-children who have no experience of anywhere or anyone beyond London, New York or Los Angeles and whose knowledge of the world doesnt go much further in space or in time.

Modern television offers nothing to anybody with an IQ higher than that of a house cat, or with any moral courage or pride in themselves or the nation.

It has truly become the idiot lantern.

Nominated by Cuntamus Prime.
A great cunting in my opinion as I don’t watch telly and haven’t done for a few years now, C.A.

I happened to be in London today walking through Leicester Square, and as I walked past the Comedy Store there was a queue of all blicks waiting to go in. It looked peculiar, because there must have been 100 or so people and even in London (well that part of London) to see 100 people 100% blick is unusual. I got home this evening to see what they may have been queuing to see, and I came across this:

https://london.thecomedystore.co.uk/event/legends-of-comedy-london-show/

It reads:

Legends of Comedy is a special event bringing together some of the pioneers of UK Black Comedy. We bring legends from Television, Radio to Stand up comedy award winning comedians that have paved the way for African Caribbean comedians, actors and radio presenters today. Join us as we laugh and enjoy the best stand up comedy.

Now stuff like this really grips my shit. Having your own special show for blick comedians is NOT inclusive. This is a show at the expense of all other races excluded from it. You simply cannot continually claim the race card every five minutes, and then decide you want to put on a show exclusively showcasing blick people..with the USP of the show being EXACTLY that. Imagine if there was a show with the above advertising blurb, but instead of using the word blick, it said white?

Fuck me there would be uproar. You can bet your bollocks to a barn dance even if they were showcasing let’s just say, 1960’s uk comedians….the organisers would make fucking sure there were quite a number of non whites in there to keep up the quotas…even if there weren’t many back in the 1960’s. This has to be a two way thing, but it seems if you are blick you can be as subliminally racist and non inclusive as you fucking like, but don’t want any non blicks doing the same.

Nominated by : Chuff Chugger