Ive known a few ponces in my time.
They were friends until they began that treacherous slide toward poncedom.

‘Uh, mate, I can’t really get a round in. I left my wallet at home.’
‘uh, mate, is it okay to borrow a tenner for some dinner?’
‘Uh mate, I need to like borrow money for upgrading my computer/spaffing on nerdy tat because I’ve blown my month’s pay on drinking with my real mates and need to keep the rest for a bit of food and the leccy’
‘Uh, mate, can I scrounge/scab/borrow a fiver for the train?’
‘Uh, mate, before you visit the flat, can you nip to sainsburys and buy us snacks and some wine for this evening.. yeah, the missus has got money and ive got about two quid on me at the moment… can you get a book of stamps as well.. we’ve run out’.
‘Uh, mate, can I be cheeky and ask you for a favour.? Can you paint/draw signs for my kid’s school fete?… Oh, pay? but you like art and you’ve already got all the gear’.’
‘Uh, mate, can i use/borrow your van/tools to move my mate’s shit from his garage to his new flat/council tip? I’ll give you petrol money…’
‘Uh, mate, can I jget a lift to Brighton because my girlfriend’s car is at the garage?. I’ll pay you petrol money this time…’.
‘Uh, mate, can I just use your toilet for a massive shit?..Yeah i’ll flush it this time’
‘Uh, mate, csn you just bend over so I can screw some more money, time, petrol, tools, food, drink and labour out of you?’

It’s less the asking and more the creeping sense of entitlement once you do lend them money, do them a favour.

I’m done with them. Sadly my poor mum has been used by ‘friends’ and relatives on my dad’s side throughout her life because she is a helpful soul. Sometimes I will tell her she’s being taken for a mug. It’s not something I like saying to my mum but phrasing it harshly is sometimes all that prevents her from bring exploited by whichever ponce is asking for ‘just a little favour..’

get fucked you indolent, entitled, ungrateful parasites. and that’s just her in-laws/my dad’s siblings and mother.

Do cunters have tales of barefaced poncing they wish to share?

Nominated by Cuntamus Prime.

This has annoyed me for bloody years and years but it only just occurred to me to cunt it. I freely admit that I am easily annoyed by other people. However, by way of compensating for this, I try not to be socially disgusting or annoying.

When I sneeze, I hold it in as much as possible so I just twitch and make a sort of flat grunt when it comes out. I think this is being considerate to others, although it does feel like my eyes are going to fall out sometimes. It probably spreads less germs as well, when done like this.

By contrast, I seem to be surrounded by cunts who make a full-on production of it, making it as loud as possible, sometimes unbelievably loud, and flailing their arms about whilst doing it, “AAAAA-CHOOOOOOO!!!!” and all that fucking shit. It seems to be popular with fat cunts and those cunts who think they should have been a comedian, but success has strangely evaded them.

It’s never just once either, you get three or four in a row, then just when you think it’s OK to come out from under the table, they let rip with another one. I swear I am going to deck the next cunt that does this right behind me, thankfully I don’t have a weak heart.

Maybe it is all the “bless you” cobblers that they enjoy, they do say any attention is better than none.

Nominated by : Mary Hinge

This latest fucking ‘fashion’ of pushing your way onto a main road from a side road, house or business.

This really boils my piss………cunts that simply cannot wait for a break in the traffic, and as you approach they creep out from the side road or wherever they are, then block the fucking road so you HAVE to stop in your tracks and let them out in front of you. Since when does the traffic on the road someone is JOINING have to give way to you, you cunt??

https://www.highwaycodeuk.co.uk/road-junctions.html

From the link:

‘look all around before emerging. Do not cross or join a road until there is a gap large enough for you to do so safely’

Nowhere does it say, just pull out and the cunts will have to stop for you!

This may just be a South East thing as we are fucking chokka down here with all sorts of shits…which means more cars on the road, but still it doesn’t make it right

Nominated by : Chuff Chugger

 
is a cunt.

Having heard about the shocking events this morning from Nottingham I have been following the developments online.

A 31 year old man and a van are the perpetrators according to the Beeb and ITV.

Channel 4 very surprisingly released a video where a woman described the incident that she witnessed.

She described him as a black man with dreadlocks and a beard.

This crumb of info has since been buried and Channel 4 don’t even feature these murders as newsworthy on their website.

The Beeb are playing the said interview on their website yet they’ve edited the description of “the man” out.

Nottinghamshire police released a statement online informing the public that they’d arrested somebody. With a picture of a white teenagers arm being handcuffed.

If this murdering bastard had been a white Brit then we’d know his shoe size and GCSE results by now.

The media and the entire establishment of this once great country – hang your heads in shame you disingenuous fucking treacherous serpents.

Nominated by Herman Jelmet.

The twitter link you provided has been taken down it appears by twitter. Hiding something? Also yesterday Nottingham’s police own website showed a picture of what was clearly a white woman’s arm in cuffs accompanying their report on the police web site stating that they had made an arrest. The lengths some go to hide the truth/facts? C.A.

Cunts come in all shapes and sizes, and with any amount of objectionable attributes. Earlier I had the misfortune to encounter two of the common or garden variety (whom I’ll label ‘Little Miss Selfish’ and ‘Mr Angry’) within the space of a couple of minutes when gardening. Allow me to elaborate.

Our front garden faces onto a narrow suburban road. On the opposite side from us, somebody had parked a bloody great Toyota. As I was finishing up, up comes a little old wifey in her car, and parks on our side, virtually opposite to the Toyota. Little Miss Selfish then gets out, locks the car, and starts up the road. ‘Erm, excuse me’, says I, ‘you’ve blocked the road’, at which point she inexplicably raises her arm and says ‘you should have my poor arm’ (don’t ask me what that had to do with anything). ‘Well it can’t be that bad if you can drive’ says I, ‘can’t you move along a bit?’. At which point she mutters something about ‘they can get through alright’ and shuffles off.

Ffs, you don’t need to be Nostrodamus to guess what happened next. Along comes a second cunt who sees that he can’t get through, and promptly leans on his horn for half a minute before leaping out and heading straight for me. ‘That your fucking car?’ he bawls, ‘ you need to fucking shift it!’. ‘Nope’ says I, ‘and before you ask, I don’t who owns the Toyota either’. ‘But it’s blocking the road!’ he rages. ‘No shit’ says I, ‘what do you expect me to do about it?’. ‘Well it’s outside your house, you should phone the police’ replies Einstein. ‘Good idea’ says I, ‘I’m sure they’ll come within the next week and tow it’.

By this time I’d had enough, so gathering up my stuff, I headed through our side gate and around into our back garden, leaving Mr Angry opening and closing his gob like a goldfish. So there you have it; two prime specimens of the genus ‘cuntus vulgaris’ in rapid succession. Some mothers don’t ‘alf ‘ave ’em, and the rest of us have to put up with the fact. Cunts.

Nominated by : Ron Knee