Jess Phillips is now faster that Father Christmas….

If stopping Brexit is not enough, Jess Phillips now claims to be faster than Father Christmas. What a cunt!

On Tuesday, 8th October she appeared on the BBC’s flagship Remainer show ‘Daily Politics’. She stated that during the 6 weeks before the last election, she knocked on 25,000 doors and only a couple of people even mentioned Brexit. I am not surprised because she would have only had about 3 seconds to talk to each of them. Lets see: 25,000/42 days is about 600 doors per day. Given that the average working hours for an MP is 10 hours (LOL) that’s 60 doors per hour or 1 per minute. By the time the occupant answers, she has about a 3 second conversation with them. Most of which went along the lines of ‘Fuck off, fat arse!’ followed by a slammed door in an ugly face.

Either she is a liar, or has been receiving maths tutorage from Diane Abbott, who was sadly passed over for the Nobel Prize in Physics today.

So once Santa hangs up boots and Rudolph is slaughtered for meat in the EU, as British Beef and Welsh Lamb is no longer available, Jess can take his job delivering Santa’s presents during Winterval in Birmingham.

Nominated by Total cunt

The Institute for Fiscal Studies
Below, their take:

‘Even a “relatively benign” no-deal Brexit would push UK debt to its highest since the 1960s, the Institute for Fiscal Studies (IFS) has said. The think tank said borrowing was likely to rise to £100bn and total debt would soar to 90% of national income.

“The Government is now adrift without any effective fiscal anchor,” said IFS director Paul Johnson.’

IFS is based in London, natch.
Paul Johnson is Home Counties, ex Whitehall wallah with a PPE from Oxford. So, no actual work experience and from Remoaner central.

Their judgement must be true. We are fucking doomed.

No mention of the £39 billion for fuck all we must gift the EU. No mention of what the bankers did to the economy on their watch. No mention of the Treasury invariably being wrong. And particularly no understanding that a PPS degree is fucking worthless and ranks along with meeja and gender studies in it’s relevance.

Nominated by Cuntstable Cuntbubble

Tammy Abraham is a cunt….

This Nigerian who has decided to play for England says the England team are prepared to walk off the pitch if they are targeted by racist abuse in their Euro 2020 qualifiers this week…..

Good job the likes of Cyril Regis, Laurie Cunningham, Luther Blissett, Viv Anderson and Paul Parker never did that, isn’t it?…and those lads got abuse far worse than what is dished out today. Good job my Great-Uncle and his mates didn’t walk off when those Kraut cunts were giving them shit in 1944, eh? We could all sulk and fuck off when we hear something we don’t like. Why don’t these coddled, manicured softarses and offended-by-breathing cunts try to be like fucking proper men and play the Czechs off the park? Or take a leaf out of King Cantona’s book and deck the cunt who is gobbing off?.

Fat fucking chance, eh?

Nominated by Norman

Urgent cunting for Eva Bolander, Provost of Glasgow

She’s just spent £8,000 of taxpayers’ money on clothes, shoes, and beauty products (in the latter example, she is clearly deluded – A weapons-grade munter, whom no amount of cash could ever render beautiful. Just concrete her over. A business opportunity for Pikey Beauty Consultants, surely?)

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-glasgow-west-49971577

She has been urged to quit, but is a Scottish Nazi Party Cllr., therefore a Turdgun clone and ally. I’m not holding my breath, unless I accidentally find myself in her undoubtedly toxic company.

Bitch.

Nominated by HBelindaHubbard

A kitten heel of a cunting please for the Lord Provost of Glasgow, otherwise known as Eva Bolander, whom the Daily Record revealed today as having fleeced the fucking taxpayer to the tune of £8,000. This tidy little sum included the purchase of 23 pairs of shoes, haircuts, hats and coats. Of that total, £1,100 was just for the shoes which, by any mug’s mathematics, works out to be an average of nearly £50 per pair.

I think it is safe to assume that this utterly rotten cunt was not claiming for site visit safety boots, or appropriate disaster-relief footwear to visit Glasgow’s more undesirable areas. The materialistic nature of women like this is cuntworthy enough, but to have the absolute cuntitude to claim for this kind of fucking thing from the public purse is utterly appalling.

On a good day, I would suggest simply beating some sense into the cunt with her own ill-gotten stinking stilettos.

But this isn’t a good day. It is a very bad day in fact. So instead, I’m going to suggest that we pool together to hire a crack team of 5-10 foot fetishists, send them around to this cut-price version of Imelda Marcos, tie her to a chair and force her to watch as the deviants feverishly hump and molest those shoes until they are as beaten up as Katie Price’s cooter. Next, we make her wear the most torn and jizzed-over pair whereupon she is frogmarched into Govanhill and then publicly flogged with an improvised flail made from her frivolous hats and coat leathers, whipped brutally to the fevered chanting and whistling of Glasgow’s crack-addled finest.

Did I forget anything? Oh yes, she is a fucking cunt.

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back

The one where you HEAR Sue Perkins say ‘bum oil’.

Try to imagine cunters (audibly) listening to Sue Perkins reading a story in your ear. Intimately in your ear, that so pleased with itself voice coming through the earphones, down round your ear canals, through the eardrum, right into your brain. The Horror the Horror. Chinese water torture would be preferable.

There is a snippet of Stephen Fry as well. In that overly ‘posh’, over- preening enunciation he has developed. He should have been the one reading the ‘bum oil’ story methinks. Last but not least, David Tennant showcases his talents for a few seconds. And that’s enough. Scottish brogue I suppose.. no intelligence in it. (And nothing of interest in the books from from the brief passages). I really cannot think of a more excruciating way of getting to sleep. If I was given it for Christmas present I would have it on Alexa as the sound of the alarm. It would ensure that I got out of bed like lightning to shut it off for my most important appointments.

The soft tones of Martin Jarvis come to mind. Reading Agatha Christie. Now he has a reading voice I like.

Nominated by Miles Plastic