I’d like to give a runny-nosed cunting to all of those selfish cunts that are buying up face masks. “Why?”, you might ask. They are just trying to protect themselves from a seemingly dangerous virus.

I’ll tell you fucking why. I’m a self-employed bathroom installer and when I’m stripping out an old bathroom, the dust created can be huge. Old Victorian plaster and all the associated shit hidden in the walls and floors. Masks from the Builders’ Merchants, etc are designed to protect all of us that do this sort of work on a daily basis from contracting various respiratory diseases. As it stands, I can’t buy one anywhere because Karen has bought ten boxes of the fucking things that will be put in a cupboard and never see the light of day again. Then she’ll be moaning that the builder has had to cancel because he’s on life support in hospital.

It’s really, really fucked me off.

Nominated by Cuntsville

I recently watched a family eating a bar meal and was fucking outraged.

There they sat, the Common-Pleb family in all their glory. They’d obviously gone to a lot of trouble in order to dress for dinner…Dad had his finest market stall joggers and Hawaiian shirt, Mum, some truly hideous lurid pink “leisure suit” straining at the stitches over her bloated form, child dressed identically to the Mother ( and even appeared to have an identical number of blubber rolls…well,I suppose imitation is the sincerest form of flattery).

After ordering their burgers and chips, (“No Salad….we don’t eat that muck”) they sat and played with their phones until their food arrived. No need for cutlery..in their snouts went, elbows on the table, chewing with their mouths open, wiping their greasy mouths with sleeves and the back of hands, slurping their drinks, stuffing their mouths ( I did laugh when the child burned it’s mouth on the hot cheese in the middle of the burger).

Now, I’m no snob, but really. Fair enough if they chose to eat like animals in their own appalling home, sat on the sofa in front of the telly no doubt, but you’d think that in public they’d make some kind of effort.

P.S. I bet if they ever did use a knife while dining, they would hold it like a pen. I’ve noticed that is a sure sign of ill-breeding. If I noticed a guest at one of my exclusive dinner parties holding a knife like a pen, I would order them to leave immediately. It would be the kindest thing for them. That type would obviously feel more at home dining at “Maccy D’s” than at my silver service, haute cuisine table.

Fuck Off.

Nominated by Dick de Pfeffel Foxchaser-Fiddler

A sky high cunting for Mary Roberts, 53, and 23-year-old Henrietta Mitaiare.

These two charmers are currently on trial at Uxbridge Magistrates Court after they attacked an airline pilot in his cockpit, because they were not allowed to store a baby carrier in the cabin. Mitaiare asked a flight attendant to put her buggy in the cabin rather than the aircraft hold as the pushchair was, “too expensive”.

Two members of airport staff then arrived and argued with Mitaiare, before her mother “stepped in to calm her daughter down”, it was claimed. Prosecutor Arlene De Silva said that as passengers disembarked at Heathrow, Mitaiare approached one of the staff members again as she wanted to make a complaint. This prompted Capt. Guido Keel to come out from the cockpit, the prosecutor added. Mitaiare grabbed the captain by the hand and pushed him into the cockpit. There was a tussle. She ended up on top of the captain. The mother also went into the cockpit and was kicking the captain while he was on the floor, saying, ‘Get off my daughter’. Capt. Keel sustained scratches to his face and arm and a bite on his upper arm, Ms De Silva said. Hope he got a rabies shot afterwards.

You might be forgiven for thinking that this could be Ryanair or Sleazyjet, but it was actually Swissair, which goes to show that cuntishness is truly international.

Mitaiare said Swiss people are racist, because she was a black woman travelling with a child. Mitaiare and her cunt mother, both from West London, were removed from the aircraft by police and arrested on May 2nd last year.The women are charged with failing to obey the lawful commands of the aircraft’s Captain and assault by beating on board.

They deny the charges. Who’d’a thought it?

Nominated by Mystic Maven

An emergency viral cunting, for those cunts who have bought up whole supermarket shelves of bog rolls, pasta, hand cleanser and other ‘essentials’.

I’ve been to the supermarket a couple of times in the past few days to buy other groceries and, out of curiosity, took a look at the sections where toilet rolls, hand cleansers and pasta are usually located. Now, the shelves are empty which means that people who haven’t panicked, but need their regular supplies are likely to go without for a few days, or even weeks if this selfish stupidity continues.

I sincerely hope that the selfish cunts who have bought batches of 400 bog rolls die from a nasty dose of Coronavirus with a side portion of Ebola thrown in. Then we can use their surplus bog rolls – which will be too dirty for other people to use – to cremate their disgusting, greedy corpses.

Cunts, the whole lot of them.

Nominated by Hard Brexit Cunt

Admin, would it be ok if I add to HBC’s nomination? Feel free
If so I write it here:

Whilst working in the supermarket, I have noticed there being lots of loo roll, bottled water, tinned food, dried food, frozen food, soaps of all kinds, cleaning stuff and headache pills being bought more than usual. So much so there are signs put up ‘For the sake of fairness, 5 of each item per customer’….or something like that. Those shelves have been almost always empty lately.

Imagine eating pasta everyday for breakfast, dinner and tea. I’d rather have pizzas, chocolate and fizzy drinks. Also, ingredients to make curries and casseroles in batches and then freeze them.

I’ve served customers whom I notice are wearing rubber gloves.
I served a customer who only bought bottles of vodka. Fair enough.

Some customers I talk to say it’s a load of bullocks all this panic buying. Buy what you like. If the world ends, at least enjoy it.

“Give us a snog, it’s my birthday”.
Now it’s, “Give us a snog, the world is ending”.

P.S. As I finish writing this, I hear the neighbour have a coughing fit.

Nominated by Spoonington

Elisabeth Moss is a cunt, isn’t she?

Her acting style is the same in everything: Act a bit unhinged and look disgusted like there’s a constant bad odour under your nose. Occasionally curl your lip.

Mad Men: A bit unhinged and looks disgusted, like there was a bad odour under her nose.
Top Of The Lake: A bit unhinged and looks disgusted, like there was a bad odour under her nose.
The Handmaid’s Tale: A bit unhinged and looks disgusted, like there was a bad odour under her nose

Her latest shit sandwich is out, ‘The Invisible Man’, but..it’s updated. Yes, it’s another misandrist, “men are horrible” turds where the woman no one believes seems to be crazy. Psh. Those bloody controlling men.

It wasn’t that long ago that Moss was giving an emotional ‘Me Too’ Golden Globe acceptance speech saying it was ‘to the women who were brave enough to fight for equality and freedom in this world’. A bit clichéd but typical Hollywood guff. Although, as the actress’s Scientology religion had been accused of covering up sexual assaults, especially rapey Scientologist actor, Danny Masterson, the hypocrisy is…well, like having a bad odour under your nose.

Moss is best-known for the ridiculous melodrama, ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’, liberal propaganda hidden in feminist wrapping paper. Subservient women, rapey men, controlled society, the subjugation of fertility, etc. The whole nonsense reeks of overacting and paranoia, a bit like Moss’s everyday world as when she shrilly told The Guardian, “This is happening in your real life. Wake up, people. Wake up”. No, its not. It’s not happening. Calm down, Twinkles.

Your acting is dull, you have the warmth of Myra Hindley, your religion is juvenile science fiction and you resemble an unhinged, hard-boiled egg. Somebody open a window.

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous