Green Laners…”Green laning is typically the mildest, least technical type of off-roading. It involves driving anywhere without a paved road — usually forest trails, the countryside or on roads that have fallen into disrepair.”

My local paper has recently reported on the Emergency Services having to turn out to rescue Kayakers (fishing-disturbing Cunts), Hikers (game-bird disturbing Cunts) and Green Laners, the latest bunch of trespassers who believe that they have the right to invade other people’s land.

Now, I’m aware that there is at least one ex (?) green laner on this site and, of course, I would never write a piece which deliberately offended, but feel in this case that more people should be made aware of this threat to our Green and Pleasant Land.

Only last year while on a shooting day at a local grouse moor, we found that our Range Rovers were struggling on some of the tracks. This was because the old routes had been chewed up by idiots in gas-guzzling, Frankenstein 4x4s, who fancied destroying someone else’s land. Would they be so keen if I were to drive my Hilux over their artificial turf and decking, postage stamp garden, I wonder? Unless people own at least 500 acres of land they should be banned from owning a 4×4…they have no legitimate need for one.These fucking people pollute the environment and destroy habitat. No self-respecting game is going to stay in an area where “Wayne and Baz” are screeching about pretending that they are Jeremy fucking Clarkson (another complete bellend).

I have suggested that if these dreadful people must be allowed to continue their vandalism that the local Army ranges should be made available. Thousands of acres of “challenging terrain” for the Cunts, plus the chance that some American drone-operator will call in a missile strike : ” Target Wanker located…Destroy with extreme prejudice”.

Fuck Off.

Nominated by Dick de Pfeffel Foxchaser-Fiddler

We’re doomed! Doomed, I tell you. No, nothing to do with Coronavirus. It’s an asteroid that NASA has been tracking and it’s calculated to hit the Earth on the 29th April. It will achieve what the Russians, the Americans and the Iranians have tried, but failed to do over the years which is to wipe out mankind.

It’s 2.5 miles across and weighs…God knows what it fuckin’ weighs, it doesn’t say. However, it’s travelling at 20,000 miles per hour, so there’s going to be one fuckin’ hell of a mess when it hits! Anyone who knows how to deflect the beast, answers on a postcard before the end of March please.

Killer asteroids are a cunt! I was hoping to have got in at least one more birthday before this earth shattering news came in.

And if you don’t believe me, read for yourself:

https://www.express.co.uk/news/science/1249990/Asteroid-warning-NASA-tracks-4KM-killer-asteroid-hit-Earth-end-civilisation-asteroid-news

PS Admin: Because of the urgency of this situation, I would expect this nom to move up the pending list as we might not be around much longer to discuss it’s merits.

Nominated by Bertie Blunt Tory Cunt

Sport Relief (on yesterday), another charity fundraising thing showing the same sort of stupid videos of starving africans due to the fact that 50 percent of the money raised goes over there.

The ‘celebrities’ involved, most of who dont qualify for that word, actually are paid to be there. And we just had an update about a starving abandoned nepal kid called ‘Seed’ (stupid name) who was found a few years ago. Quite obvious this probably isnt the same kid but looks a little similar. Just another attempt to take more money that we dont have, and send it to people who dont get it.

Nominated by DiabloLordOfTerror

I would like to nominate a well-overdue cunting for one fat, black, talentless, thick cunt called Big Narstie. This guy is another Grime artist whom Channel 4 thought it would be a good idea to give his very own talk show.

Not only is his music shit, but his show is even worse and is cringe worthy from start to finish. He just sits in his chair trying to be funny in front of his guests, when he clearly isn’t. He has a sidekick on his show – a comedian called Mo Gilligan who does all the jokes while Big Narstie just talks bollocks. They have even labelled themselves the black version of Ant and Dec, when really they should be classed as ‘cunt and cunt’.

Unless you are a youth from London, you probably wouldn’t understand half of what he is saying (“Get me tho, innit blud”) and what he does come out with is total shite. His appearance on ‘The Crystal Maze’ really says it all about what this guy is actually all about. The only thing he looks good for is devouring a 20″ pizza with a side of a KFC Family Bucket.

For those of you who haven’t heard of this talentless, mouthy cunt, I suggest looking him up on YouTube and see how long you can stand his bollocks, before switching off the TV.

Nominated by Telly as it is.

Most people will not have heard of this thick bint, but she most definitely deserves an absolutely gigantic cunting. For the unaware, let me break it down:

This airhead cunt flap was crossing a road at a set of traffic lights at a time when it was green for road traffic, (therefore obviously red for pedestrians), whilst looking at her phone. An approaching cyclist then collided with her, knocking her down leaving her with busted front teeth and scars. And guess what? She sued him!!! What the absolute fuck?!

Then some cunt judge awards her over £4K in damages. Now the cyclist has been saddled with her £30K of court fees, as well as his own £25K bill. A crowdfunding page was set up for him to cover his costs.

https://metro.co.uk/2020/02/27/cyclist-hit-phone-zombie-yoga-teacher-faces-60000-court-bill-12312695/

Have we entered the fucking twilight zone without me noticing? In what fucking world does this seem right? This cunt flap is a Yoga teacher apparently. Really? Let me do some fucking poses with my gash spread out and pretend I know everything about this ancient Hindu way of life. Cunt!

I wish for a whole Peloton to run this cunt over one day.

Nominated by Bill