‘Living my best life’ is a cunt’s catchphrase and so is ‘adulting’.
All of us only have one life (unless anyone is identifying as a cat now,) so there isn’t really such a thing as your ‘best life’. You have shit days and better days. End of.
‘Adulting’ – in other words just behaving like a fucking grown up, which is what you should be doing anyway if you’re over 18, rather than jacking off over the ‘Sonic the Hedgehog’ film, you soft cunts.
Nominated by Harold Steptoe
Dame Hilary Mantel is a cunt.
In a new interview, the Booker Prize-winning author says the Duchess of Sussex was “too good to be true” and subjected to “abominable racism”.
“I think that Meghan was too good to be true. She was a smiling face in a dull institution, she cheered the nation up no end, or at least men and women of goodwill,” Mantel told ‘Harper’s Bazaar’.
“I do think abominable racism has been involved. People who say that’s got nothing to do with it – well, they need to check their privilege!’”
Well I think Dame Hilary Mental needs to check her medication and her Tena Pad. Silly, fucking ‘woke’, chipmunk-faced old cunt. Are there really people as gullible and idiotic out there?
Nominated by Paul Maskinback
Hilary Mantel is a cunt, isn’t she? Who’s this miserable, moon-faced bint? How is she a cunt and why, why, why does she resemble Jabba the Hut’s beanbag?
Well, she’s an author….Riiight.
The author of the ‘Wolf Hall’ books….Riiight
Oh, and she has said that racism is a factor in the criticism levelled at Meghan Markle.
Well, slap me on my codpiece. She must have a new novel out.
The novelist suggested that many people do not realise the extent of their own racial biases and how it has had an impact on their treatment of the Duchess. “Racism is a factor,” Mantel told the BBC, completely without smirking. “I think it’s more deeply embedded in people’s consciousness than any of us are willing to admit”. She continued to blither, “Meghan was too good to be true. She was a smiling face in a dull institution.”
Why are you so concerned about smiling, buttercup? You’ve got a grin like a coffin lid.
“Call me Harry” and the other parasite are to step down from their roles as senior royal panhandlers at the end of March to start a new leeching life mooching nearer to Hollywood. Oh, and yes….the author is about to publish the final part of her trilogy of works devoted to the life of Thomas Cromwell.
As Thomas Cromwell might have said to Mantel, “Thou hast a vulgar tongue and ye have twisted God’s sacred gift. Ye also have a face like Jabba the Hut’s scrotum. Now fuck off you horrible cunt”.
Nominated by Captain Magnanimous
An early spring cunting for the formally-useful, EU idiot, Steve “ donkey” bray.
Somebody needs to buy this ridiculous cunt a fucking calendar. Apparently, this sentinel shit-for-brains, sponsored fool is still hanging around Parliament Square making a nuisance of himself. How utterly devoid of any content is this daft cunts life? He reminds me of one of those WW2 Japanese soldiers who jumped out of the forests on remote islands a good 20 years after the end of WW2 screaming “BANZAI”, Much to the shock of holidaymakers ambling down to the beach with lilos under their arms!
This utter cunt has been exposed as a sponsored cunt for hire who really needs to buy a train ticket back to Wales, and go polish his precious coin collection.
Daft, annoying, irrelevant, out-of-date, out-of-touch CUNT!
Nominated by Quislings
Coronavirus fears spark shopping frenzy leaving empty shelves across UK – as hand gel, loo roll and cleaning sprays top Amazon’s best-seller list.
Foods such as pasta, rice and couscous selling out fast as are tinned foods. Empty shelves for many of these products.Experts predict that a major UK Coronavirus outbreak in Britain could cause ‘food riots’.
The same pathetic, desperate, lowlife fuck heads undoubtedly will be the same selfish twats that go to the sales, queue up and fight one another for the low end model big TV screens.
Absolute cunts.
Nominated by Willie Stroker
Panic buying cunts…
We have all heard about the virus, so what do these cunts do? Think about their community, their neighbours, their colleagues? No, they plough head first into the nearest supermarket and buy the fucking lot. I am soon expecting to see some twat with a trolley full of boot polish (just in case).
https://twitter.com/9newsaus/status/1236088663093608448?s=21
The cunts in this clip are from ‘The Land Down Under’ and are very civilised local folk indeed!!!! Panic buying tons of anything is a proper cunty thing to do, especially if you’re young and healthy, as those in genuine need will just get fucked over. But my point is this: It’s not the cunts with forty hand sanitizers that you have to worry about, it’s the cunts who couldn’t buy any hand sanitizer at all because they will spread this virus to you even if you have a million sanitizers. So a bit of calm in the shops, a bit less me, me, me, and a lot less cuntishness all round.
Meanwhile, I’m just off to do a stock take in my garage of the pallet of baked beans and spaghetti hoops I bought.
Nominated by Cuntsince1066
A massive, Coronaviral cunting for panic buying stockpilers.
What’s the fucking point? Let’s assume that we’re going to catch the dreaded bug and need to lock ourselves away from the dregs of humanity for a couple of weeks. Why exactly do we need a years supply of bog roll and baked beans?
I went shopping yesterday and found the shelves empty. No beans, no bog roll. Also no lemonade, no tea bags, no paracetamol. Now as far as I know, viral infections are impervious to paracetamol. I can understand not wanting to go without a cuppa. After all, the Empire depended on it, but lemonade? What the fuck is that all about?
I’ve had the misfortune to have to visit three supermarkets in the last couple of days. Due to Mrs D’s allergies, we can’t get all we want in one. Everywhere was heaving. Trolleys were bulging. My favourite was the woman filling her trolley with bottled water. Don’t be a cunt, dear – turn on the tap.
Mrs D doesn’t understand the logic behind it all. I keep trying to explain it’s because people are stupid. Take for example the two Aussies caught on camera yesterday, literally fighting over the last pack of bog roll. I rest my case.
Ironically it’s all a self-fulfilling prophecy. Shortages are caused by people bulk buying because they think there are going to be shortages.
Frankly, I hope these cunts catch the virus and it removes them from the gene pool…
Nominated by Dioclese
You heard it here first from the IsAC News team.
Buckingham Palace have announced the Her Majesty The Queen (aged 93) and Prince Philip (aged 98) are to be moved to Windsor castle in the first of many moves to isolate them from the virus spread.
Prince Charles and Camille have also postponed their proposed overseas engagements in light of the expanding crisis.
However with any luck Harry and Meghan’s tour of Italy will go ahead as planned.
You heard it here first.
The Admin team.
(anyone got any bog roll?)