Cunts that walk along the fucking road

Now I live in Scotland, which is a bit cunty at the best of times, and I don’t see this when I travel down to England in search of semi attractive women and to get away from the god awful ex mining wanker communities, where everyone has a chip on their shoulder as big as their big fat chip butty cunt bellies.

Anyhow, most town planners up here seem to think it’s a wizard idea to only put pavements in ‘here and there’, because obviously, with rain the consistency of COVID-19 diarrhoea most of the year, it’s great to have to walk across a veritable assault cause of bottles and marshland just to get to fucking Ladbrokes.

However, when in the name of Allah did it become a great idea for every sour faced wannabee businesswoman, fat tracky-bottom bag of chips wanker and hipster-beardo-jogger-cunt to walk along the fucking road?.

Every day I toot my horn and shout abuse at the cunts, as they defiantly march along the gutter side of the road risking life and limb from cunts like me, still half cut from the night before and weaving from side to side with all the sober dexterity of an EU commissioner, filling their lungs up with enough rancid fumes to get Greta’s down syndrome snatch lathered up and for what? So they don’t get their fucking Primark shoes Muddy? WTF?

Don’t get me started on the cunts in the snow up here either, then they walk in the middle of the fucking road, because there’s what 2 cm of snow on the side of the road and then look at you like a cunt when you dare revv your 1.2 litre engine up so hard the axles start vibrating.

Get out the fucking road you stupid fucking cunts. There’s enough stupid cunts in cars as it is, without you adding another unnecessary kamikaze dimension to the whole god awful fucking experience of driving in this awful fucking country.

Nominated by Nickelcunt

ALISTAIR CAMPBELL:

A Three-Sheets-To-The-Wind, Brahms & LIszt cunting please for Anthony Blair’s bibulous arselicker in chief, Alistair Campbell, who likes to be known in the public bar as “Ali”, who has opined that Boris should have been taking PMQs yesterday despite just becoming a father hours earlier, having himself been very ill just a couple of weeks ago:

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/11509778/boris-baby-joy-happy-moment-unless-eftie-conspiracy-theorist/

The festering “thoughts” of this raddled old piss artist, encouraged others from the left to crawl out of their shitholes (or was it they who woke up the old soak?).

Why do the BBC and other broadcasters feel we need to know every cretinous “thought” from this washed up old has been?.

Time must lay heavy on the old cunts hands – perhaps little Owen ought to take him down an Islington back alley for a quick blowjob

Nominated by W. C. Boggs

A quick nomination for that foul creature that dropped out of the arse of one of Satan’s hounds, Alistair Campbell. He was whingeing on Wednesday that Boris hadn’t attended PMQ’s. Turns out that Boris was rather busy at the birth of his latest offspring. And while most of the country were Boris, Carrie and the newest Johnson all the best, Campbell and the rest of the demented far left were doing exactly the opposite. I’m not going to repeat some of the vile shit that was emanating from these sub-human sacks of donkey shit. But apparently, the birth of one’s newest baby is not a good enough reason to avoid to taking part in Prime Minister’s Questions. This from someone who knowingly told lies in a dossier that started a war that not did not need to be fought, but made the situation in the Middle East a hundred times worse. And I’ll bet he was one of the shit for brains who celebrated Boris contracting the Kung Flu and praying for the worst. You’d think someone with blood on their hands would spend the rest of their worthless in obscurity. But scum like Campbell and Blair don’t do humility. Or decency for that matter. They’re too obsessed with fame for that. He didn’t even have the decency to congratulate Boris on the birth of his son. Even you don’t care about it, and I don’t, I at least see it as a small piece of good news in these trying times. Anyway, fuck off Campbell. You utter cunt.

Nominated by Quick Draw McGraw

WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS

I would like to cunt cunts in the media and cunts who phone in to radio shows who keep parroting the words “we will get through this”.

How the fuck do they know?

Already tens of thousands (apparently) have NOT got through this – I bet a lot of them were told “we will get through this”.

Then again, the pandemic is probably all a hoax anyway, like what Orson Wells perpetrated in America in 1938.

Or maybe a conspiracy cooked up by God, the New World Order, the blessed virgin Greta and her uncle Tom Cobley an’ all.

We may never know.

Either way, it’s time to call a spade a spade again and make common sense legal once more.

Nominated by Ruff Tuff Creampuff

Elon Musk calls for end to lockdown.

Demand for Tesla’s electric cars held up in the first three months of the year, despite upheavals caused by the coronavirus pandemic.

But Tesla said forced shutdowns and limits on deliveries had clouded its forecast for coming months.

“Frankly I would call it forcibly imprisoning people in their homes against all their constitutional rights…that’s my opinion,” Tesla boss Elon Musk, who has been opposed to the lockdown measures, told investors in an earnings call on Wednesday.

Of course he is against lockdown. Like most ultra wealthy selfish fuckers putting profit ahead of peoples lives. After all, its not like he’s going to do any work on the factory floor or come into contact with anyone whilst any of his 7 properties worth over $100m.

The wanker has actually said recently that he is running low on cash. Perhaps we should all have a whip round or start a crowd funding as Bloomberg has just estimated he is worth around $23,700,000,000.

Selfish cunt

Nominated by willie stroker

Alex Salmond v the SNP

“Good afternoon. This is IsAC’s political correspondent Ron Knee speaking. I’m joined today by former Scottish First Minister Alex Salmond, who was recently cleared of a number of sexual assault charges made against him. Mr Salmond has agreed to tell us what he intends to do in the wake of the trial. Good afternoon to you, Mr Salmond”.

‘Ah simply cannat accept that. There’ll be nae guid afternoons ’til ah’ve gotten retribution agin ma persecutors’.

“I see. Retribution against whom precisely?”.

‘Is it nae clear ta ye that ah’ve been th’ victim o’ a conspuricy?’.

“Well, various stories and rumours are doing the rounds. Your supporters have blamed a cabal of civil servants and some SNP figures close to Nicola Sturgeon, who supposedly saw the chance to rid the party of your legacy, for reasons that I must admit, remain unclear to me. It all sounds a little far fetched, even paranoid, if I may say so”.

‘Ah simply cannat accept that. Did ye no’ hear yon Kenny MacAskill say that “dark forces” were at work durin’ th’ trial? Let’s jist say th’ noo that ah might hae some evidence that couldnae come oot at th’ time. It jist might show th’ depths o’ some peepulls’ infamy. Infamy!’.

“They’ve all got it in for me! *Ah-hem* that’s just my, erm, little joke. So the word is that you’re writing a book, an expose which according to SNP veteran Jim Sillars, will be like ‘a volcanic eruption’ under the party. He goes so far as to suggest that it will lead to a clearout of what he calls the ‘rot’ at the top echelons of the party. It looks as though the SNP could experience some very serious blood-letting. Can you give us a little taster?”.

‘Nae can do. Ah’m keepin’ a low profile an’ ma pooder dry ’til this Coronaryvirus cack’s died doon, so ah can come oot all guns blazin’ fer maximum publicity. Th’ JFK an’ Roswell conspuricies have got nuthin’ on this, ah tell ye. This is goin’ tae top best sellin’ lists fae Troon tae Timbuktutankhamun!’.

“Goodness. Do you expect resignations from senior party figures in the light of your revelations? Might you even relaunch your political career with a coup against the SNP leadership?”.

‘Those pygmies are no’ in ma league. Ah tell ye that by th’ time ah’m done… och, fae noo let’s jist say that when Wee Jimmy gets ah read, she’ll pap her kecks wi’ a new tarr-tun!’.

“Well as you know, we here at IsAC would be delighted if you’d give us a sneak preview prior to publication. Our followers would love a good old fashioned story of down and dirty intrigue and back-stabbing within the SNP, particularly when there’s a large salicious content”.

‘Aye wull, mibbes aye, mibbes naw; there’d be th’ matter o’ bawbees tae be agreed furrst. Nuthin’ fae nuthin’, ye ken’.

“*Sigh* ‘mony ah mickle maks ah mockle’, as they say in your part of the world. Well thank you Mr Salmond, and, er, stay out of any tunnels in the meantime. This is Ron Knee, for IsAC, returning you to the studio”.

Nominated by Ron Knee