https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/21559578/mummy-girlfriend-delivery-cool-bag-sleeps-in-bedroom/

Peruvian Perv who just Luvs his Mummy

Julio Cesar Bermejo. This sad tosser has been caught in bed with an 800 year old Peruvian Mummy (wait while the LGTBQ+-mob come up with the appropriate pronoun).

“At home, she’s in my room, she sleeps with me. I take care of her”

Julio is a rather confused lad and in need of pronoun assistance not least because the object of his/its affections is actually male. We do not speculate how Julio achieves satisfaction but it must involve a bucket load of KY Jelly. Taking a squint at the pervs boat race I get the distinct impression that he is well on the way to mummification himself. “There is no greater love than this” as the poet says. Keeps the object of his affections in a foil lined pizza delivery backpack so she can travel with. Touching but mistakes can be made.

“Ere wasiss you cunt. I ordered a Chicken Pharaoh fully loaded so where’s me extra toppings innit?”

Never having had the horn for desiccated people (no not even Twiggy in my day) so granted I may be missing out on something but Cleopatra? Nah. Tutankhamun?. Nah. Queen Hatshepsut? Nah. Not a twitch of me haemorrhoids. Possible explanation for archaeologists obsessively digging the desert sands though. Crawling up dank narrow tunnels inside Pyramids? Very Phallic Pharaoh.

Nominated by Sir Limply Stoke.

“Good afternoon.

This is IsAC’s social affairs, health and royal correspondent Ron Knee speaking. Today I’m joined by a very special guest, none other than the privacy-seeking Harry, Dork of Nutfux, who has deigned to inform us on mental health issues by speaking about his own traumatic experiences”.

“Nice to see ya Ron dude! Hey, take a toke on this man, it’s some real good shit. Chillax bro. Er say, how much is this gig paying?”.

“We’ll talk about that later. So you believe that by baring your soul about your mental health, you can be of service to the world? Please elaborate”.

“Well Ron baby, I had it bad growing up. Real bad. *inhales smoke deeply* I came from a broken home. Daddy wouldn’t buy me a bow-wow. He never hugged me, or let me cuddle his teddy bear. Mummy deserted me. All I have left of her is her special cream, which I rub on my little blue todger at night to remind me of her”.

“Dear me. So how did all this neglect actually affect your mental state?”.

“Well I was a mess dude. Can you imagine what it’s like for your own brother to get a bigger sausage than you? I took to bullying the hired help at my prep school, kicking my polo pony, shagging in a field behind a pub, killing ragheads in Affers, shit like that. In an effort to block it all out, I took to getting pissed in a big way. Then
I discovered coke and weed, and magic mushrooms. Man, those smokes really cleaned the windscreen of my mind. I can now see myself clearly for what I am; a victim”.

“Indeed. And I assume that your selfless wife has also helped you on your journey of self-discovery”.

“Oh man, that woman is remarkable; so concerned for others. She encouraged me to spread my wings, to flee the persecution of my family, and to isolate myself with her in California. She’s helped me to explore my inner self. She’s shown me all the things that are wrong with my head, how I’ve been abused and neglected by the world, and how by trashing my family, I can begin to heal”.

“Yes, and no doubt it was the delightful Meghan who also showed you how you could monetise your pain”.

“Well hey, a fella’s gotta turn a buck to survive. I got a Hollywood lifestyle and a high-maintenance wife to maintain. Say, speaking of which…”.

“Okay, here’s a quid; fifty pence for a cuppa tea, and fifty pence for your trouble. Now fuck off, you self-absorbed, arrogant, grifting little shit”.

“Jeez man, you really do need to chill out. Fuck, I’m outta here…”.

Express News link

Nominated by Ron Knee.

Youtube ‘Audit’ videos and the cunts who make them.

Fellow cunters may be aware of these characters, who travel around the country, filming places such as warehouses, industrial estates, police stations etc, in fact, anywhere where they are likely to encounter security guards or police.

Their aim appears to always to create a situation or argument with the guards, which they will film, whilst lecturing the guards about the law and their civil liberties, showing off how smart and clever they think they are. They put it on youtube and make money from the cunts who stupidly subscribe to their channel.

There are quite a few of these characters out there just google audit or auditing UK, Britain, Cops, Military, shopping centres, Town centres etc and you will see loads of these cunts.

They are mainly arrogant, self-entitled, loud mouthed attention seeking cunts, who claim at the start of each video that they interested in the particular location and in what they do there. He could easily find out that information by going online. But they goes there with their cameras.

Then they usually demands that people identify themselves to him, whilst at the same time, rarely giving his own name and often covering there face with a mask. Essentially, they are nasty, rude characters whose aim in life seems to be interfering with everybody’s business and trying to tell them what to do.

Nominated by mystic maven

Fucking font of all knowledge Ian Wright is a cunt.

After refusing to appear on MOD cos his mate Gary was suspended (asked to step back) is now calling for ‘heads to roll’ at the BBC because of the ‘hot mess’

Sorry to tell you this pundit but the BBC were quite within their right to suspend Linecunt, regardless of the free speech issue it was a question of the ‘grey’ area of impartiality.
The only ‘hot mess’ was you and the rest of punditry walking out over something that had fuck all to do with anyone other than Linecunt and BBC management.

If the BBC weren’t so fucking spineless they would have sacked the lot and it seems that MOD has an audience with or without pundits.

Independent

Nominated by Sick of it.

Yet another ugly old harridan in the mould of Thornberry and AnalEase (and they don’t come much mouldier than that old pair of shockers), Sue Gray she of “Partygate” and former barmaid, is trying to hitch herself to the Starmer wagon of poofters, lezzers and trannies, and the hypocritical old pair of Mandy and Blair.

Starmer is such an opportunistic piece of slime – there is no belt below which he is prepared to punch, he is like a disease waiting to spread.

Gray herself is a hypocrite of the first order – a senior civil servant should be impartial, however, it turns out her son has lead an Irish Labour group and is likely to be parachuted into a safe Labour seat at the next election and one of her chief advisers in matters of law with Partygate turned out to be a potty judge of the Labour persuasion.

So much for this woman’s “ethics”. Yet another would-be hobby politician whoring herself to the highest bidder. Another willing arsehole to sit on Starmer’s face – the biggest arsehole of the lot.

New Statesman

The Sun

Nominated by W.C. Boggs.