They all play the same fucking songs and get the local news from somewhere like the ‘Sky News Centre’.

One of my brother’s mates used to work for a local station and during the noughties there was a severe stunting of creative freedom by the executives on behalf of the corporate group (Bauer media) that had bought the station. It was deemed that a local station should no longer feature a programme showcasing local bands or singers, even on a Sunday night. The management wanted the same music and programming all of the time, because they felt a programme about local talent was no longer part of the station’s ‘identity’. Rrright.

Because of this they forced these presenters to play the same old ‘contemporary adult’ mush – Adele, Take That, Keane etc – as the primetime ‘personalities’ the rest of the week, as well as other regional stations, such as Wave 105 (where another mate of mine had worked and thought was dogshit).

This has lead to an exodus of young talent as the more discerning, ambitious and creative types move into podcasting or more genre-specific DAB stations.

I now find regional stations are all the same, and the adverts are constant and repetitive to the point of distraction. Any banter is thoroughly ‘approved’ by corporate cunts and twee as fuck. The playlists are all identical and thoroughly sterilised, with both the aforementioned mush and music by children for children (One Direction kept getting played- very strange on a building site, Katy Perry less so).

The playlists of these stations is so anodyne, that since 2000, my guess for the most played out song of various site and work radios is either Life is a Rollercoaster by Ronan Keating or Torn by Natalie Imbruglia.

If anyone has any other contenders for overplayed songs on commercial radio, well phone in or email us with your suggestions but first here’s the news with some 14 year old girl..

Sussex-Express

Nominated by Cuntamus Prime.

A lot of people seem to be on some type of a journey these days. Not the kind where you are sleeping on the floor of an airport terminal or finding out that the train you were hoping to catch has been cancelled because some selfish wankers are on strike. No, these are what I suppose used to be described as journeys of self-discovery but with the rise of social media can mean the most everyday and mundane of things is now ‘a journey’.

Its a narcissists wet dream and the list is literally endless. How about a fat positivity journey? Health fads, diet and bodybuilding journeys? Eating disorders, gay, trans non-binary, mental health, pregnancy or even beard journeys?

Some cunts on their respective and pointless journeys.

Youtube

Nominated by Liberal Liquidator.

Think of the great popular music performers of the twentieth century, and certain names immediately spring to mind. Astaire and Sinatra, Holiday and Garland, Dylan and The Beatles; those with a style and a sound that was all their own. And then of course there was the legendary Elvis, the king of rock ‘n’ roll, who captivated us with an incredible string of hits from ‘Heartbreak Hotel’ to ‘In the Ghetto’.

Sadly, that Elvis magic failed to translate itself to the big screen, with The Pelvis featuring in a string of 60s films which were for the most part trite, formulaic and just plain dull.

I was recently reminded of this when the wife returned from what she calls ‘a look around the charity shops’, with half a dozen Elvis films in VHS tape format, retrived from the crap basket at 10p a go.

‘What on earth made you by them?’ says I, ‘they’re shite’.

‘I don’t think I’ve ever seen an Elvis film’ says she, ‘let’s give it a go’.

‘Okay’, says I, but don’t say that I didn’t warn you’. Later, I opened a bottle of wine and a big bag of crisps, fired up our steam-powered Philips recorder, and we sat down to watch ‘GI Blues’, in which Elvis plays an army tank crewman… with a singing career.

Opening another bottle, we followed this with ‘Fun In Acapulco’, where Elvis plays as a lifeguard… who’s also a singer in a local hotel. Finally came ‘Easy Come, Easy Go’, where The King pursues a dual career as a deep sea diver and, er, a nightclub singer.

Halfway through this third effort, the wife was visibly twitching, and finally she was forced to admit that Elvis ‘movies’ were indeed crap. ‘Don’t say “I told you so”, or else’, she says with a warning glimmer in her eye.

‘I told you so’ says I, and got a cushion chucked at me for my trouble, quickly followed up with ‘you smug bastard’.

‘Watch it my girl’ says I, ‘or I’ll have you over my knee pants down, and I’ll smack that little arse ’til it’s raw’, which promptly resulted in the hurling of another cushion in my direction.

At which point, I leapt from my chair and chased her screaming and giggling up the stairs, that delightful little bottom wiggling seductively in front of my eyes. Take it from me, it’s a whole lot more fun to watch than ‘Blue fucking Hawaii’.

Oh, he’s a waiter in this, and a singing sensation… how original.

Youtube

Nominated by Ron Knee.

An unnamed Air Canada pilot is a cunt.

A couple boarded their flight, only to be met with two vomit covered seats. The cabin crew did their best to clean up the spew from the previous flight, but parts of the seating and belt area still had little puddles of smelly spew.

The flight was full and they wanted their seats cleaned so that they weren’t sitting in some cunt’s puke (not too much to ask, is it?). As the cabin crew sprayed perfume and used coffee grounds to hide the smell, the impatient pilot (who’d been pacing up and down wondering what the delay was) told the passengers that if they weren’t happy, they could go back to the gate and get a new flight at their own expense or be put on a no flight list.

It’s a shame he didn’t try this on a hard, short tempered cunt who would’ve made him eat the puke before knocking the cunt out.

I get pilots have deadlines,blah blah blah…but fuck that in this case.

I hope he loses his job, the nob jockey.

Bbc news

Nominated by Cuntybollocks.

Attached is a drone pic of the aftermath of the Leeds Festival. Litter, tents and general shit left behind.

Left behind by the same woke lefty cunts who support Greta, Jeremy, Net Zero and all the other trendy shite.
Tickets start at around £100 up tp £300. You can ‘Eco Camp’ Perhaps that is what abandoning tents is? Who knows.

Who but middle class trendy wankers can afford this?

Bbc news

Nominated by Cuntstable Cuntbubble.