A lot of people seem to be on some type of a journey these days. Not the kind where you are sleeping on the floor of an airport terminal or finding out that the train you were hoping to catch has been cancelled because some selfish wankers are on strike. No, these are what I suppose used to be described as journeys of self-discovery but with the rise of social media can mean the most everyday and mundane of things is now ‘a journey’.

Its a narcissists wet dream and the list is literally endless. How about a fat positivity journey? Health fads, diet and bodybuilding journeys? Eating disorders, gay, trans non-binary, mental health, pregnancy or even beard journeys?

Some cunts on their respective and pointless journeys.

Youtube

Nominated by Liberal Liquidator.

Think of the great popular music performers of the twentieth century, and certain names immediately spring to mind. Astaire and Sinatra, Holiday and Garland, Dylan and The Beatles; those with a style and a sound that was all their own. And then of course there was the legendary Elvis, the king of rock ‘n’ roll, who captivated us with an incredible string of hits from ‘Heartbreak Hotel’ to ‘In the Ghetto’.

Sadly, that Elvis magic failed to translate itself to the big screen, with The Pelvis featuring in a string of 60s films which were for the most part trite, formulaic and just plain dull.

I was recently reminded of this when the wife returned from what she calls ‘a look around the charity shops’, with half a dozen Elvis films in VHS tape format, retrived from the crap basket at 10p a go.

‘What on earth made you by them?’ says I, ‘they’re shite’.

‘I don’t think I’ve ever seen an Elvis film’ says she, ‘let’s give it a go’.

‘Okay’, says I, but don’t say that I didn’t warn you’. Later, I opened a bottle of wine and a big bag of crisps, fired up our steam-powered Philips recorder, and we sat down to watch ‘GI Blues’, in which Elvis plays an army tank crewman… with a singing career.

Opening another bottle, we followed this with ‘Fun In Acapulco’, where Elvis plays as a lifeguard… who’s also a singer in a local hotel. Finally came ‘Easy Come, Easy Go’, where The King pursues a dual career as a deep sea diver and, er, a nightclub singer.

Halfway through this third effort, the wife was visibly twitching, and finally she was forced to admit that Elvis ‘movies’ were indeed crap. ‘Don’t say “I told you so”, or else’, she says with a warning glimmer in her eye.

‘I told you so’ says I, and got a cushion chucked at me for my trouble, quickly followed up with ‘you smug bastard’.

‘Watch it my girl’ says I, ‘or I’ll have you over my knee pants down, and I’ll smack that little arse ’til it’s raw’, which promptly resulted in the hurling of another cushion in my direction.

At which point, I leapt from my chair and chased her screaming and giggling up the stairs, that delightful little bottom wiggling seductively in front of my eyes. Take it from me, it’s a whole lot more fun to watch than ‘Blue fucking Hawaii’.

Oh, he’s a waiter in this, and a singing sensation… how original.

Youtube

Nominated by Ron Knee.

An unnamed Air Canada pilot is a cunt.

A couple boarded their flight, only to be met with two vomit covered seats. The cabin crew did their best to clean up the spew from the previous flight, but parts of the seating and belt area still had little puddles of smelly spew.

The flight was full and they wanted their seats cleaned so that they weren’t sitting in some cunt’s puke (not too much to ask, is it?). As the cabin crew sprayed perfume and used coffee grounds to hide the smell, the impatient pilot (who’d been pacing up and down wondering what the delay was) told the passengers that if they weren’t happy, they could go back to the gate and get a new flight at their own expense or be put on a no flight list.

It’s a shame he didn’t try this on a hard, short tempered cunt who would’ve made him eat the puke before knocking the cunt out.

I get pilots have deadlines,blah blah blah…but fuck that in this case.

I hope he loses his job, the nob jockey.

Bbc news

Nominated by Cuntybollocks.

Attached is a drone pic of the aftermath of the Leeds Festival. Litter, tents and general shit left behind.

Left behind by the same woke lefty cunts who support Greta, Jeremy, Net Zero and all the other trendy shite.
Tickets start at around £100 up tp £300. You can ‘Eco Camp’ Perhaps that is what abandoning tents is? Who knows.

Who but middle class trendy wankers can afford this?

Bbc news

Nominated by Cuntstable Cuntbubble.

I nominated these useless fucking shitstains a few months ago with regards a massive 15% increase in the price of a 1st class stamp (from 95p to £1.10)

Well guess what, these clueless fuckers have done it again by announcing a 14% increase in 1st Ass Stamps as of 2nd October. Therefore it will cost £1.25 to send a fucking letter to some cunt compared to a few months ago when it cost less than a quid.

The justification? Because the Royal is a loss-making business with letter deliveries still falling to record lows as people go digital. Therefore the geniuses at RM come up with the fab idea of ramping up prices to see if that will entice customers to use their services again!

The CEO of Royal Mail, Simon Thompson, earns a basic wedge of around £500k and a pension set at 13.5% of his basic salary. He will also receive productivity bonuses, which I presume means he’ll get sweet fuck all!

Proof positive that being a useless incompetent twat who’s idea of boosting a failing business is upping prices to customers, reaps massive financial rewards!

isacunt

money saving expert

Nominated by Technocunt.