One of the many reasons your average American weighs 4 tons is because they’re fucking lazy. This manifests itself in a variety of ways, one of which is their refusal to maintain their own lawns.
Round my way, most of the houses are visited by a bunch of Mexican illegal immigrants – sorry, I meant dedicated, law abiding, high quality landscaping artists – armed with a variety of lawn tending equipment. Industrial sized ride-on lawn mower (petrol driven), strimmer (petrol driven) and my personal favourite, the petrol powered leaf blower.
These cunts show up and cause the most almighty racket, oblivious to the fucking disturbance and nuisance they are causing. The windows in the average American home serve a single purpose. You can look through them. That’s it. Good at keeping heat in and cold out? Nope. Good at sound insulation? Nope. So when these arse clowns show up across the street with their lawn implements from hell, it sounds like you’ve got a fucking leaf blower in the room with you. And of course their mere presence sets off the fucking dogs left out in people’s gardens so we have to listen to those cunts barking their heads off too.
You’d think they’d be quick so as to reduce the noise and disruption to the neighbourhood. Nope. In these ‘enlightened’ times when the planet is about to implode due to fossil fuel usage, you’d think they’d use quieter electric powered tools. Nope. Use a broom to quietly sweep up the grass clippings from paths, the road, etc.? Nope, leaf blower. Windy day so clearing up is practically impossible? Nope, leaf blower. Rainy day so the clippings stick to paths, etc. No problem, fire up the leaf blower.
Spring has not sprung yet round my way. Everyone’s lawns are brown and dormant. Nothing has grown since the temperatures dropped in November last year. So there’s really nothing to cut, yet. Does that deter these bastards? Nope. They’re out there causing mayhem, running their mowers but not actually cutting anything because the grass is too short. Not edging anything because there’s nothing to edge and blowing leaves and dust around with fucking leaf blowers to help justify their existence. And the homeowners are paying them to do it! Who’s the bigger cunt here?
Like many people, I now work from home so my house is now my office. I don’t need these cunts disturbing my peace and quiet while I do my work which, as it happens, requires a high degree of concentration and attention to detail. If the locals cannot be bothered to cut their own lawns quickly and efficiently with minimal fuss on a Sunday morning like normal human beings, then I should be allowed to introduce a couple of friends to play with their lawn crews. Smith and Wesson.
Nominated by: Imitation Yank
