Gordon Brown (15)

Talking of useless politicians, I’m nominating Gordon Brown. Today (Monday 22nd July) Brown has decided to throw a shit bomb at the Tory leadership election by telling an audience at the Institute for Public Policy Research that, “More people voted for Ed Balls on Strictly than for our next Prime Minister.” Wow. Just, wow. This guy really has a very short memory, because he’s the guy who steamrollered his way into Number 10, rather than allow a democratic leadership election in the Labour party after traitor Blair quit. Can you spell ‘hypocrite’ Gordon? And the reason he wouldn’t allow an election, is because Brown considered it to be “his turn” to be Prime Minister.

After Treason May, Brown was the worst PM this country has had to suffer for decades. Come to that, he wasn’t much cop as Chancellor either. Remember how he announced that he was selling off a large portion of the UK’s gold reserves in advance? Thereby ensuring that the price of gold dropped through the floor? Iron Chancellor my arse. Keep your mouth Brown, tens of thousands of Tories have voted for Boris to lead the Tory party, and become our next PM. NOBODY voted for you.

Nominated by Quick Draw McGraw

Pre-emptive strikes

Pre-emptive strikes – or to be more precise, pre-emptive resignations.

Yesterday, following hot on the heels of recently honoured cunt Spreadsheet Phil, Sir Alan Duncan went a stage further than threatening and actually resigned from the government that hasn’t been formed yet because he can’t serve under the leader who hasn’t actually been elected yet.

His reason? So he can table a motion of no confidence in his own party presumably because they might actually elect a leader by an overwhelming majority who doesn’t agree with him.

Ignoring the fact that only the Leader of the Opposition can table a no confidence motion, how can anybody be so totally stupid as to want a no confidence motion in a government that hasn’t been formed yet?

Surely he should now resign from the Conservative Party as he refuses to respect the majority wishes of the membership. No? Well, what would you expect from a remainer?

Siralan, you are a cunt

Nominated by Pedantic Cunt

Alan Duncan is deserving of a cunting. I’m sure he’s been nominated before, but he definitely deserves another one.

Today, (Monday 22 July) Duncan has resigned as Foreign Minister, because he can’t bear the thought of being a member of a Boris Johnson government. What a drama queen. Apparently, he’s also sulking because that other monumental cunt, Bercow, turned down his request to make a statement in parliament. I think we can safely assume that his statement would have been nothing more than an anti-Boris rant. So for once, Bercow has actually done us a favour.

This guy is so full of his own importance he’s almost a caricature of himself. Why would he even assume that Boris would want him as a Minister in his government? I wouldn’t even give him a job as tea boy. If the thought of Boris is so repulsive to him, why not just quit as an MP? Oh yes, the overly generous salary, plus expenses, that’s why. This jumped up little cockwomble really needs taking down a peg or ten. He really isn’t that big a loss anyway.

Nominated by Quick Draw McGraw

Jo Swinson

Some fucker has been elected leader of the LibDems.

I imagine the stink of piss and cabbage from Vince is getting to them. She is going to stop Brexit apparently. She is also going to be the next PM, or so she says.

‘Go back to your constituencies and prepare for office’

That was the equally deluded chant of these fuckers way back when.

Nominated by Cuntstable Cuntbubble

The Liberal Democrats must be the most inappropriately named party in British politics. They are neither liberal nor democratic.

Yesterday some cunt we’ve never heard was made leader in an election nobody noticed. And now this deluded idiot reckons she’s going to be the next Prime Minister. Nigel Farage has more chance of being the next Prime Minister. Just look what a fuck up these tossers made last time they were in government.

Welcome to the Peoples’ Democratic Republic of Great Britain…

Nominated by Dioclese

Incels are cunts.

This moronic, pathetic subculture of self-appointed ‘nice guys’ moaning that women should give them a chance and wank them off, expecting some beautiful blonde with 34G tits to fall onto their spunk-encrusted Harry Potter duvet, surrounded by jugs of piss and Transformer toys, and just ‘love them for who they are.’

They are the mirror of the frustrated feminist, who displays her ‘male tears’ mug on social media, but who you know cries herself to sleep after an evening of Haagen Das, Pinot Grigio and a cucumber covered in baby lotion.

You probably know I’m not a feminist, but these ‘men’ blame women for their personal failings, their awkwardness. Rather than trying to look after their appearance, they whine about ‘chads’ and ‘staceys’ in their little communities of self-pity, convincing themselves they are ugly and worthless. They don’t have jobs, preferring to play World of Warcraft and watching anime, doting on cartoon Japanese Lolitas who they imagine they could marry.

Sometimes the disillusionment and infantilism becomes a hatred towards anyone who has a sexual relationship, leading to grisly manifestos about torturing the sexually successful, ‘inflicting pain on the attractive people for denying them the carnal pleasure they are entitled to’, warped megalomaniacal rants via basement tapes and, ultimately, shootings.

These fuck-ups have grown up in a society that punishes the values that could help them, which is the fault of successive governments in adopting policies that undermine the family and men’s roles in society. However, this is not an excuse to avoid responsibility and while many come to resent women, others become snivelling male feminists in some vain hope they’ll get a shag. The problem is that simply sitting on a computer saying ‘I’m a nice guy’ or I’m a male feminist’ while looking like a pimpled compost bag of rice pudding isn’t enough.

These cunts may need to put down their game controller and leave the house and make the effort to not look like vast invertebrates who cry all the time.

They may also find their habits of adressing women as ‘m’lady’, their grandiosity, and fawning and dribbling is not very attractive, and just because they compliment a woman, it doesn’t mean they’ll jump into bed with you. The fact they resort to calling women ‘whores’ and ‘thots’ at the slightest hint of rejection doesn’t help their case. Personality, as well as looks, need working on. It seems that is too much to ask.

Also, the creepiest, most pathetic aspect might be their desire for the government to provide women for them to fondle with their Dorito-stained, man-child fingers. Given their predilection for Japanese schoolgirls, I don’t think it’s a very good idea.

I knew a person who didn’t blame Incels for their resentment. Although he too was a jobless man-child in his late thirties who spent his days playing computer games. He also posted videos about ‘how to respond to being told to ‘man up”. Clearly he got told that quite often.

Incels, much like blue-haired feminist loons, they are crybaby cunts who blame society for personal failures.

Nominated by Cuntamus Prime

Kevin Maguire (5)

One half orf the press preview team orn Sky News alongside the Daily Mail’s arse assassin Andrew Pierce (Consultant Editor, Daily Mail). Maguire (Associate Editor, Daily Mirror) is the big nosed supercilious professional Geordie lefty wind bag cunt who spends his time sneering at things Tory and talking over wee camp Andy and his dodgy short dyed barnet. Pierce is a deeply unpleasant Mail hack specialising in knife in the back jobs yet Maguire manages to make him appear the voice of reason.

Press previews are a profoundly irritating yank import now infecting many of the news programmes. Press journalists basking in a spot orf one-upmanship on telly pretentiously rabbit on thus joining a buggers conger line where TV feeds the press and the press feeds TV. To make it all the more incestuous the “News” all originates from the same news agencies, Reuters ect ect. Bugger me but I don’t think me old arse hole is big enough to take all that cock.

Nominated by Sir Limply Stoke (Editor Emeritus, Cunt Sniffers Times)