I was a big fan of Electric Light Orchestra back in the Dark Ages of my youth and, when pissed, regularly shoved on headphones and “sang” along to my favorite track which was “Do You Want My Love”. This was long before karaoke was invented so it was just you, your drink-fuddled mind and Jeff Lynne and his mates blasting out fab stuff.

Anyway, as I was waiting at the traffic lights the other day, I became aware of a familiar tune I hadn´t heard in decades and then realized it was “Living Thing”, another brilliant stomper from ELO. But instead of that heavy rhythm and electrifying guitar magic that makes it impossible to stand still, this was a tinny, anaemic version that sounded as if it was being squeezed out of the voice boxes of adenoidal choirboys in a large, cold cathedral. The source was a cut-price carpet shop which had put a speaker outside blasting out this pitiful, criminal cover. I was tempted to kick it over, go in and set fire to the place for desecrating a great band.

Cover versions – fuck ´em, I say! Here´s a link to get your adrenalin flowing ISACers:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p1Y-rfbzmgY

Nominated by Mr Polly

Ex-BBC director general Mark Thompson is getting antsy that the BBC isn’t able to mind-control the British public to sufficient degree thanks to alternative broadcasters, particularly Netflix and their ilk:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-49812965

The fucking cunt! Who the fuck does this controlling little Marxist twat think he is? Who the fuck does he think we are – mindless little automatons that need Big Brother beamed into our living rooms to make us behave like the tyrannical, lefty cuntrags that the Ministry of Truth decree is acceptable?

That organisation is basically already on everyone’s shitlist here. Let’s cheer the fact the worms that use the public broadcaster to further their self-righteous PC socialist agenda are squirming!

Nominated by ShagawotZ

A well-earned cunting for Naomi Long, from unknown leader of the Alliance party in Northern Ireland and an MEP.

What has this ridiculous woman done? She’s reported Farage to the police for incitement to violence after he said they would take a knife to the civil service if they had the power to after an election.

Now for someone who’s leader of a political party, you’d think she would be familiar with the word cuts and the origins of the word.

What sort of hysteria is possessing politics? How can people like this continue in politics?

Cut it out love. Your politics are less attractive than you are.

Nominated by Sixdog Vomit

A Concours cunting is badly needed for yet another weak as piss snowflake cunt, Sharleen Ndungu.

“Who the fuck is that?” I hear you ask. She’s another attention-seeking mong who is now apparently “traumatised for life” after being served a sausage roll with (shock horror) pork in it because she’s a vegan AKA an easily lead “look at how cutting edge I am” cunt.

To quote: A woman claims she started having heart palpitations and broke down in tears after being served a sausage roll that contained sausage. Sharleen Ndungu, 20, is vegan and she went to get a bite to eat at Greggs in Canterbury, Kent. But when she started eating it she realised the sausage roll contained real meat. She said: ‘I haven’t had meat in two years. My belly started hurting and my heart started going crazy. ‘I was panicking because that only happens when I consume meat – this doesn’t happen when I have other food. I’m traumatised for life now – I’m never going to Greggs again.’

Traumatised? My arse. Fucking dumb millennial cunt. Mountain out of a molehill syndrome just to gain paper articles and soshal meedja coverage. The people who have experienced real trauma are those who are scarred from war and genocide, not by going to Greggs and expecting them to pander to the demands of an over-entitled Twattermong.

Fuck off.

Nominated by TwatVarnish

Nomination please for the 2019 World Athletics Championships in Doha.

Sport is of course a vice of mine, and I appreciate not everyone shares the sentiment. But this event encompasses so many cunts from so many elite tier corps, that it is an unmissable opportunity to gather said parties for a mass, machine-gun cunting.

i) First and foremost, the over-priced dust bowl that is Doha. With rich petrol-barons sheiking their over-inflated wallets to bribe the IAAF into awarding them these games, we have seen nothing short of a farce. Zero crowds, marathons on 40ºC heat and 70% humidity, and a sterile, soulless light show that makes even armchair sports wankers like me switch off.

ii) IAAF, for being a corrupt body of cunts, happy to sell out their athletes just for some of that lovely oil money. Oh, and also for dumping in ‘mixed relays’ at the last minute, just for those extra woke points of cuntliness.

iii) Sebastian Coe – a man so imbibed with the most potent of all cuntitudes, that merely typing this self-important behemoth of cunt’s name causes an acidic aftertaste in the fucking mouth. This cunt of course presided over the corrupt bid for this joke of a championships, and has demonstrated time and time again – just as he did with his orchestrated deification at the London Olympics – what an epitome of all-time cunt he has become.

iv) The BBC. Now did you seriously think that the BBC would turn up to this shitfest and really let so many others steal their cunt-thunder? Not a fucking chance. Coverage which sees 90% pointless, cringeworthy chat between arch-cunts like Gabby Logan and Colin Jackson; over-repetition on any nameless, British also-ran performance, at the expense of actually opvering the sporting action in real time; wistfully reminiscing over Caster Semen-ya; pretending that Mo Farah isn’t a cunt and worst of all, the unforgivable crime of giving Steve Cram gainful employment.

What an absolute festival of cunts. Roll on this Sunday when it is all over.

Nominated by The Empire Cunts Back