Could my nomination for London Cunterground be considered please?

London Cunterground have managed to defy the laws of physics. According to their train timetable system, 1 min and 38 seconds of terrestrial time is 1 min of London Cunterground time. Whilst standing at Stratfordstantinople Station this morning, I compared the timing of their indicator board with my own very accurate Seiko watch and the findings were astonishing. I have never stood so long waiting for a train, supposedly one minute away, to finally clatter in.

London Cunterground is not the only operator that has its own unique dimension of time. Network Cunting Rail tried to convince me that a train that took 8 minutes to reach the station was 1 minute away at the start of the 8 minute period and that stayed the case until the wheezy old loco crawled into the station in time for the driver to jump out in seek of a cup of tea and presumably some Battenburg.

Fuck London Cunterground and its Martian time zones. I blame ‘Quatermass and the Pit’ for their chicanery.

Cunts.

Nominated by Paul Maskinback

Led Zeppelin are cunts…

Nothing to do with their music. They were a great band most of the time, but the way the music media and their touchy as fuck fans canonise them as people takes the piss. Whenever Page is interviewed he is never asked about Aleister Crowley or Lori Mattix. Cunts like MOJO and Uncu(n)t just go on about how great he was. Then there’s the fanbase. Every time a book or article about the band comes out with something they don’t like in it, there’s endless whining about ‘distortion’ and inaccuracy’. It’s common knowledge that the likes of Page, Bonham, Grant, Cole and Bindon were authentic, deluxe cunts, Plant and Jones being the only two half decent blokes in the Zeppelin circus…but most of their fans are grovelling apologists who say crap like ‘It was a different time’ and ‘Bonzo was a thug because of the drink’. And the way they try to explain Oakland away is hilarious.

A great band as musicians, but come off it, they were cunts.

Nominated by Norman

A nomination for ‘Mothers Rise Up’
From their website :

8am – 9.15am :
We will gather with prams, including two huge pushchairs containing giant globes, outside Shell’s UK headquarters on Belvedere Road, SE1 7NA (behind the London Eye) to sing reworked versions of well-known nursery rhymes including ‘Old King Coal’ and ‘Amazon’s Burning’ as the company opens for business. This part of the action is child friendly – there is even a playground next to the Shell’s building. Just remember to dress for the weather and bring plenty of snacks – you know the drill!

9.15am – 10.15am :
We will process across Westminster Bridge with our pushchairs to protest outside the gates of Downing Street. This part of the action is not suitable for children, as we may need to weave in an out of traffic with our pushchairs.

10.15am – 11am :
We will march with our pushchairs to BP’s global headquarters at 1 St James’s Square, London SW1Y 4PD. This part of the action is not suitable for children, as may need to weave in an out of traffic with our pushchairs.

We hope this protest will help put pressure on the government to deliver more rapid emissions reductions in the UK through a range of measures, including a ban on dirty energy from fossil fuels and a massive expansion in renewable energy.

How about you fuck off to China, the world’s biggest polluter with your pushchairs and sprogs. Take that sanctimonious Thunberg with you.

Nominated by Mystic Maven

WASPI…I know these fuckers have been cunted before, but there’s nothing like another deserved cunting.

Yesterday (03/10/19), the high court ruled against WASPI, in a case where they took the department for work and pensions to court, arguing that changing their state pension age from 60 to 66 “unlawfully discriminated against them on the grounds of age, sex and age and sex combined”. I do not pretend to know what that means.

The courts ruled that it wasn’t an issue for them as it was agreed within parliament and they’re well within their rights to legally change the pension age. It was a matter for the public and their MPs.

This however, didn’t stop flabbott sticking her oar in, “disappointed to hear about todays decision regarding the WASPI women. I will continue to support the WASPI Campaign in their fight against pension inequality”. I don’t see what inequality there is, about changing women’s state pension age to equal that of men? If anything the inequality is that they still currently get to retire a year earlier.

Yet another case of wimmin desperately wanting equality, but only if it benefits them.

Nominated by elboobio

Damn it, I´ve just missed the Hay Festival Segovia. Instead of opening another can of Tennant´s Special Brew and playing my favorite Gerry Rafferty album, I could have been in sunny Spain attending its “leading festival of ideas”.

For a mere couple of hundred euros, I could have enjoyed conversations with writers like Valeria Luiselli, Inua Ellams, Soledad Puertolas and Fernando Aramburu, sociologist Sannaa El Aji or philosopher Fermamdo Savater. Sad as it was not to hear these great minds, I am particularly upset about missing Suzy Amis Cameron. In case you have never heard of her, Suzy is the wife of James Cameron, director of myriad crappy films like ‘Titanic’ and ‘Avatar’. Although her husband is one of the most hyped-up celebs of modern times, she is obviously a talented person in her own right and a role model to the rest of us as you will see if you read on:

“Environmentalist Suzy Amis Cameron defines herself as a former actress and model, and mother of five children, who is dedicated to promoting all kinds of initiatives to combat climate change, among them Red Carpet Green Dress, which champions high-end sustainable fashion. She works with her husband, Oscar-winning filmmaker James Cameron (director of Titanic), on many philanthropic initiatives. Together they founded the Plant Power Task Force, which promotes plant-based food solutions for climate change, and Cameron Family Farms and Food Forest Organics. A vegan philanthropist, Amis Cameron turned to her sister Rebecca Amis to establish MUSE School Amis, the first school in the USA that offers only plant-based foods. She talks with Juan López de Uralde, founder of the Green Equo party and director of Greenpeace in Spain. In 2010, López de Uralde published El planeta de los estúpidos: Propuestas para salir del estercolero (‘The Planet for Morons: Ways to get out of the dungpile’).”

Poor vegan philanthropist Suzy, imagine having to share a planet and live on a dungpile with morons like the rest of us!

Nominated by Mr Polly