Aisling Bea is a cunt, isn’t she?

As Irish as the potato famine and the car-bomb, I nominate this whiny-voiced, vinegar-faced banshee who’s famous for….erm…well, being on tv panel shows. What she lacks in the looks category, she doesn’t make up for in the accent department. Her strangulated, Irish vowels have the whiff of stale colcannon about them, no doubt the same odour as her unwashed quim.

Her idea of comedy is saying her pre-written “joke” to the host then turning to the audience at the punch line and gurning or saying, “ERRRM while rolling her eyes. Either that or saying, “Aye, dat’s grand.” Hilarious. Psh.

Isn’t it odd that these thin-lipped, caustic comediennes always drop in to their monologues about not having a boyfriend. Hmm, the answer might be more obvious than you think, toots: Shampoo. Oh, the irony. You won’t go out with an ugly bloke, but without your endless make-up you RESMBLE an ugly bloke.

For those unfamiliar with this giant of comedy, allow me to paint a picture: Imagine discovering you’d run out of bog paper after a squirty, gooey dump sponsored by curry, ale and a gallon of potent Shiraz; that’s about how funny this “comedic” “actress” is.

As a sort of weird, in-joke, Bea was the star of her own tv show (This Way Up) recently where, bizarrely, she played a teacher, helping Dooshka-Dooshkas to speak English correctly. Oh, dee oirony! If I can’t understand this witch’s garbled rants, how the fuck can a non-native unpick her mangled diction? Surely the main reason this gnarly-faced sourcunt came over to Blighty was to improve her English, yet now we’re asked to believe she can tutor foreigners! The episode I saw was littered with immigration and racism references, as well constant allusions to Brexit (said with a moan and an eye-roll). It’s like ‘Mind Your Language’ without the nuance, characters, and comedy.

She’s the least likeable Irish bint since Sinead O’Connor snarled her one hit. Bea must realise that she’s invited onto panel shows for token reasons (woman, Oirish) not humour reasons. Consequently she’s just another hackneyed, unfunny, anti-British clone needlessly shat out by Channel 4.

Nominated by Captain Magnanimous

God smite the remainer scum
While they do parliament up the bum
Send them fisted commissioners
And cunt faced lying cunts
Long to fuck up it all
God smash those cunts

MPs keep sucking cock
Slurping up the EU stock
From tuskies wick
Why must we suck the dick
Of fucking useless pricks
Fuck the EU

Fuck all theSNP, Fuck all the BBC
For attacking our liberty
Send our voters marching on
Stamp down that cunted con
How dare these despotic twats
attacking our liberty; seditious cunts

Nominated by dingly

Unbelievable. I’d like to cunt American rounders. Man with big glove does what crickets do with bare hands.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/av/baseball/50028101

For fuck’s sake, play a fucking game which you need balls to play.

American rounders is so shit, but why do people watch it? You don’t even have to bowl to the fucking batsman. You can bowl four no balls on the trot and they walk to 1st base so you can bowl to a shitty batsman and get him out. AND THAT’S a fucking sport? Only a brain dead cunt would watch that. I’d prefer to watch a five day match ending in a draw, but at least you have to get the cunts out.

Because so little goes on in a match, there’s time for adverts and endless stats that mean nothing. It truly is the fucking shittiest sport there is. Except cuntbasketcuntball. Why oh why does this drivel get so highly paid and watched?

Out of interest it’s the easiest fucking game in the world. Just loop the ball between the fielders. Play cricket shots with their stupid round bat. I never once got out it this stupid game with people pitching 85mph. Admittedly, it is faster in their top leagues, but you try hitting a cricket ball at 85 bouncing of the surface and keeping your teeth or scrotum intact. The best defence is a solid boner, but you can’t run quick singles without a waddle, and your just asking for a counting from the Aussies, either that or criminal carpentry insults will ensue.

Nominated by dingly

I want to cunt pubs in general and the government causing the divide and conquer attitude.

Since the smoking ban and the introduction of punch taverns(chicken/egg) situation, pubs have become fucking terrible.
I fucking love beer and debating anything that people feel strongly about.
The smoking ban did a few things, it stopped conversation between friends. The train of thought was lost when half of the group wanted a smoke.
It invited women and children into pubs.
And it created an entire generation to buy beer from supermarkets.

I don’t go out much now because I’m from the latter of above. I’m used to it, it’s cheaper and I can do what the fuck I want at home.

Now, my point is I went to a wedding celebration of my friends and had to pay money for Amstel beer. Piss weak pop for £3.65. I had 9 pints and drove home like I’d been drinking fucking water all night. I’m back home now in the loving arms of Stella for £21 for 30 cans.
Blah

Nominated by Candygram for mongo

Is there anything more annoying and pathetic than a fat, middle-aged couple walking into a cinema, balancing a Flabbott-sized bucket of popcorn on one hand and a jumbo-sized Coke container on the other? It is a particularly disgusting sight when he is wearing a tight tee-shirt that shows off the belly of a heavily pregnant woman and she is dressed like a slutty whore from Montmartre, circa 1930.

Most films nowadays are junk, but do you really need to buy overpriced and oversized portions of junk food to watch them?

Nominated by Mr Polly